Does your OH understand the struggles of being a step mum?

[ohdearohdearwhatsnext]

Just this really- I find it so hard as my other half doesn't see how being a step mum is hard. He doesn't see the sacrifices I make.

Any advice?

He tries.

What sacrifices are you making? If you don’t feel he appreciates your efforts what can you dial back on? Is he doing all or at least the bulk of the work surrounding his children - cooking, cleaning, not leaving them with you?

Maybe he would understand if you stated the specific things that you are having to do without and the price that you are having to pay as a step mom that you otherwise would not have to experience.

He may think ,as a spouse, he finds some things difficult and that in being married there are sacrifices that he has to make. You could help him understand by being more specific about the difficulties that you experience and explain to him how the sacrifices that he may make are different from your sacrifices.

Specific examples may make it easier for him to understand how your difficulties and sacrifices may be more challenging than his experiences.

Life is not always simple for any of us, and sometimes some people just view difficulties and sacrifices as a normal part of life. If you don't explain to him how your situation is out of the ordinary , it may be unfair to blame him for not understanding.

He tries but he doesn’t really get it; he thinks it’s harder for him as he’s the one missing out on swing his DD but he doesn’t see that I make so many sacrifices but don’t get the plus points he has.

I don’t think I make sacrifices but certainly compromises. He is incredibly grateful for all the things I do for him and the kids and pulls his weight in terms of cooking etc maybe not washing but then I do zero pick ups/drop offs and very rarely have them on my own. I’m certainly not a unpaid babysitter/housemaid.

He also has boundaries in place with his ex and I don’t tend to get involved, which is a good thing as she loves drama and can be manipulative. He is very supportive, we recently had some problems with DSD and I thought they might be connected to me/our ds he went out if his way to reassure me. In the same incident it was mentioned by his ex to my mil that I never bake with the kids anymore, my mil stuck up for me, said I have a young baby 6 weeks at the time and couldn’t be expected to do as much and my OH said it wasn’t my responsibility to entertain the kids that’s his job.

Xmas is another thing though, this year I said I wasn’t going to do a dinner as it was too difficult trying to cook a dinner around the hours his ex lets him see the kids I pointed out that every Xmas so far has been a rushed affair literally opening presents and leaving again and OH is getting no quality time. He has given 3 options all of which include an overnight 2 of which won’t suit ex as she has her traditions but if the kids want their presents on Xmas day then she needs to be the one to compromise. OH has done all the compromising in the past and it means he gets no quality time or time to make his own traditions.

What sacrifices do you think you make??