DSC's bedroom (TV for toddler?!)

[hulahoopqueen]

Hi all,
Hoping to get your thoughts on some new behaviour changes in DSS2 (3 next week).
Recently his bedtime routine (previously absolutely excellent - stories for 20 mins, 5 mins quiet cuddle then off to sleep with no nonsense) has gone completely to shit. We're talking 2 hours of crying/screaming/hysteria, begging for more cuddles, then completely blanking us when we go up to check in.
DH spoke to mum about the change and if she thought there might be anything that was affecting DSS; has she noticed the same?
She thought about it a bit, then suggested that maybe he was missing the TV. DH was confused, he still watches TV during the day, and sometimes we'll watch something together after dinner. No no, she says, the TV in his bedroom.
Some conversation follows, in which we're told he has a TV in his room which he has full access to watch whenever he fancies, including late at night and when he wakes up early in the morning, also whenever he fancies during the day.
DH relayed this back to me when he got back from pickup last night, and we're both completely stunned.
Any suggestions on how we address this? DH is loath to go in all guns blazing about how it will wreck his sleeping pattern, but is equally concerned that once school starts he will potentially find it hard to focus if he's not getting enough sleep, let alone what it might do to his concentration!
Any ideas on how the hell we tackle this one?! (Half expecting him to turn up at Christmas having received a PlayStation tbh 🙄)

I don't know DH should address this but agree this is a disaster and thin end of the wedge.

Maybe link some studies or articles which show how damaging this could be for a child so young? Say nothing other than that?
I understand why he doesn’t want to go in all guns blazing but he does need to say something. This is just rampant stupidity on the mother’s part and it’s the child (and everyone who has to listen to him screaming) who is suffering.
So annoyed on your DSS behalf that his mother has created this problem for him

There’s nothing you can do and very little your DH can do. It’s dreadful for the little boy but his mum will just do what she likes.

I think you just need to ride it out. You gain nothing from confronting the mum about it. Its bad parenting but not abuse - social services and judges etc won't do anything about it.
There's no way mum doesn't know that its not good parenting and she's set this up anyway.
Realistically she's not going to change if confronted, she'll just be pissed off.
You're only hope is to ride it out, have different routines at yours, and perhaps cave on some of the simple stuff - if he's getting distressed can someone lie with him until he sleeps for the next few weeks. No screens but dull safe comfort provided (to stop bedtimes becoming a scary nightmare for everyone). Its not idea, but its trying to realistically work with you can do for the benefit of the very young child.

Leave it alone, she has decided that is the way she parents and challenging that will just lead to a lot of resentment and problems.

How would you feel if she tried to change the way things are at your house?

You can’t change what she does but it doesn’t mean you have to change what you do at your home. He will get used to it.

It's best for your own mental health to ignore things that you can't control. I'd focus my energy on how to settle DSS in the evenings when he stays with you.

Advise your DH to speak to the DM about it if he really feels that strongly about it, but remember the DM must think it's a good idea if she put the TV there in the first place.

She will do what she wants to do unfortunately and clearly doesn’t see an issue with it. Anything for an easy life. However sounds like DSS is probably very very overtired when he comes to you if he’s up watching tv till late. I would try putting him to bed very early. Find a routine that works for you guys, tell him that at daddy’s house it’s a story and cuddle before bed. He’s probably become reliant on the tv to fall asleep. How about playing a story book over audio or something to have on in the room to listen to?

There were things I did as a single parent that went directly against everything the ex and I had discussed as how we wanted to bring up our children. This included over-use of the TV as a babysitter. I can’t imagine how some people are coping in the current climate with restrictions on meet ups etc which would help break up the day and keep a little one entertained.

You can’t demand that she parents how you want to. You can only control what happens in your home. I wouldn’t criticise, however, unless you’ve walked more than a few miles in her shoes.