Christmas presents.. step kids

[Kel9]

So how do you all work the Christmas present situation with a blended family?

We have had a few years practise but it’s bloody hard going especially as they get older.

My ss comes for the morning so the boys can open there presents together, this year my ss is getting a new iPhone which is a shared gift between my oh and his mum.

Now my oh is feeling bad as he won’t have the same gifts as my son because of the cost of the phone. He wants to buy more which is entirely up to him. How do you regulate this? What do you guys do?

Need help/ advice ...I'm new to the step parent thing..I have 2 boys 8 and 5 ..no contact with there dad ...my partner has 3 children 1 girl,12 and 2 boys 10 and 7 ..2 different moms

During Xmas and birthday I tried to explain to my partner that my children do not receive half as much as his 3 do because we buy gifts and there moms get them gifts ..where as only me and him buy mine gifts ..not much family on my side so no one to pad out the gifts either ....I tried to say that yes I'm completely fine to but his children presents but my too need us to buy them a little extra..do you guys understand?...let's say we buy his 3, 2-3 each ..add them 3 to the 3 there mom gets and then his family gets them adds another 3 makes 9 ...where as my children will only get the 2 or 3 we brought ...he says its not our business what there moms buys them, we should buy them all the same amount and I see what his saying BUT then when we all get together and the kids tell each other what got ( in excitement nothing nasty ) my kids realise they didn't get the same amount and that makes them and and in turn makes me sad ..so I want to buy my kids and few more presents as we are the only people buying them anything and he gets mad like im trying to be nasty to his children, that I'm favouring my own and thats not the case but fair doesn't always mean equal and he downst understand what in trying to say

Am I in the wrong ? Do I come across like im being selfish ...does anyone understand what I'm trying to say ?

@Thenowbiestepmom1357

Need help/ advice ...I'm new to the step parent thing..I have 2 boys 8 and 5 ..no contact with there dad ...my partner has 3 children 1 girl,12 and 2 boys 10 and 7 ..2 different moms

During Xmas and birthday I tried to explain to my partner that my children do not receive half as much as his 3 do because we buy gifts and there moms get them gifts ..where as only me and him buy mine gifts ..not much family on my side so no one to pad out the gifts either ....I tried to say that yes I'm completely fine to but his children presents but my too need us to buy them a little extra..do you guys understand?...let's say we buy his 3, 2-3 each ..add them 3 to the 3 there mom gets and then his family gets them adds another 3 makes 9 ...where as my children will only get the 2 or 3 we brought ...he says its not our business what there moms buys them, we should buy them all the same amount and I see what his saying BUT then when we all get together and the kids tell each other what got ( in excitement nothing nasty ) my kids realise they didn't get the same amount and that makes them and and in turn makes me sad ..so I want to buy my kids and few more presents as we are the only people buying them anything and he gets mad like im trying to be nasty to his children, that I'm favouring my own and thats not the case but fair doesn't always mean equal and he downst understand what in trying to say

Am I in the wrong ? Do I come across like im being selfish ...does anyone understand what I'm trying to say ?

I think I understand what you're saying and it's similar to our situation (but with fewer kids involved). I have one daughter and my partner has 2 kids. His kids' present pile is always smaller because they come straight to us from their mum's, where they will have had their "main' presents. My daughter's pile is larger at ours, because she goes to her dad's where she gets significantly less. So all 3 children are having the same Christmas gift experience overall, just experiencing in different houses to each other. If that makes sense? That's why we spend less at Christmas on my partner's kids.

But slightly different where your kids don't have any contact with dad I suppose ...

Ahh the christmas gift dilemma! It's so hard isn't it.
I've been at logger heads this year with my DP over the amount spent on the children. I have a budget I have always stuck to for my DC which is way more than he has for his own DC. financially we sort our own DC out. And this year we have them all together on Christmas day. I'm not prepared to down scale my DD christmas because SC will be there and he doesn't want to upscale DSC christmas either. I've ended up over budget by bulking up SC gifts so it seems fairer for all.
Not great when he is the higher earner with less financial commitments!

Luckily we are all in sync now with ex partners and have 1 year with dc and one year without (although this is the first all together on the same day) so I just want to ensure they all get the same without lowering my childs expectations in order to meet his. Nightmare!

Next year he will get his hand in his pocket or he will have to explain to dsc why they don't have as many gifts as my DC

@Doyoumindifislytherin

Ahh the christmas gift dilemma! It's so hard isn't it. I've been at logger heads this year with my DP over the amount spent on the children. I have a budget I have always stuck to for my DC which is way more than he has for his own DC. financially we sort our own DC out. And this year we have them all together on Christmas day. I'm not prepared to down scale my DD christmas because SC will be there and he doesn't want to upscale DSC christmas either. I've ended up over budget by bulking up SC gifts so it seems fairer for all. Not great when he is the higher earner with less financial commitments!

Luckily we are all in sync now with ex partners and have 1 year with dc and one year without (although this is the first all together on the same day) so I just want to ensure they all get the same without lowering my childs expectations in order to meet his. Nightmare!

Next year he will get his hand in his pocket or he will have to explain to dsc why they don't have as many gifts as my DC

If he is the higher earner with fewer commitments, surely he has more disposable income than you? Why is he then expecting you to fork out for his kids as well, on top of buying for your own?? Seems a bit off to me....

He hasn't expected me.to.fork out for his kids. I have chose too as I don't want to see a large pile of gifts for my DC And smaller piles of gifts for his DC. He's always been a bit frugal with money and he was happy with what he had purchased for dsc but I wasnt in comparison to what I had for my DC.

He wont budge, thinks christmas is over materialised and nothing but a money pit and they should be grateful of what they have. Me on the other hand thinks that they are only young once and if you can.spoil them, then spoil them.

But your right he does have more expendable income than me and in this instance is being nothing short of a tight arse scrooge!

@Doyoumindifislytherin

He hasn't expected me.to.fork out for his kids. I have chose too as I don't want to see a large pile of gifts for my DC And smaller piles of gifts for his DC. He's always been a bit frugal with money and he was happy with what he had purchased for dsc but I wasnt in comparison to what I had for my DC.

He wont budge, thinks christmas is over materialised and nothing but a money pit and they should be grateful of what they have. Me on the other hand thinks that they are only young once and if you can.spoil them, then spoil them.

Wow. I can't believe he's happy for that to happen. My DP would just put his hand in his pocket to keep the peace if I suggested I was going to buy his kids more presents to make it fairer. But in some ways I agree with his comments about Christmas being a bit materialistic and over rated- just would have thought it nice to be able to put that to one side for the sake of making sure his kids don't feel like shit on Xmas day getting less than yours!

@Doyoumindifislytherin

He hasn't expected me.to.fork out for his kids. I have chose too as I don't want to see a large pile of gifts for my DC And smaller piles of gifts for his DC. He's always been a bit frugal with money and he was happy with what he had purchased for dsc but I wasnt in comparison to what I had for my DC.

He wont budge, thinks christmas is over materialised and nothing but a money pit and they should be grateful of what they have. Me on the other hand thinks that they are only young once and if you can.spoil them, then spoil them.

I also end up buying more for my stepson as I worry his gifts won't be equal to my kids' ones and I don't want him to feel left out. Although DP would give me the money for it if I asked him, I feel bad asking for it as its my choice to buy the extra bits

nice to be able to put that to one side for the sake of making sure his kids don't feel like shit on Xmas day getting less than yours!
Maybe that’s the point - he doesn’t want his kids to get it in their heads that they are less loved because they have fewer or less expensive gifts? If they don’t think that, and get what they always have then why would they feel like shit? They will be too busy enjoying what they have?

@Doyoumindifislytherin

He hasn't expected me.to.fork out for his kids. I have chose too as I don't want to see a large pile of gifts for my DC And smaller piles of gifts for his DC. He's always been a bit frugal with money and he was happy with what he had purchased for dsc but I wasnt in comparison to what I had for my DC.

He wont budge, thinks christmas is over materialised and nothing but a money pit and they should be grateful of what they have. Me on the other hand thinks that they are only young once and if you can.spoil them, then spoil them.

Sounds to me like he's just tight. If he genuinely believed Christmas was over rated, materialistic and objected to his kids being spoiled, I'm sure he'd put a stop to you spoiling them.

Am going to buck the trend here:

Ex and I, do joint main gift and go out for lunch on Xmas Eve/ or cook pizzas for lunch at either house and give them together. New DPs also present ( his first attempt at a step mum was banned,) no 2 is brill and included as is my DP.

We then part company and do our own Xmas depending on whose it is. What happens in the other house is a few smaller gifts, including a lot of new clothes.

Has worked for us first one with SM1 was awful but it works for us. Big presents are from both of us and no one gets to play each other off.

Each to their own as long as it works

We are very fortunate that outlet children are a similar age (7 and 9) and they pretty much share everything anyway. We get similar presents each bar one of two things and they have a batch of shared gifts too which they can open together (play sets, books games and things for their room this year).

We speak an equal amount on both children (A big batch of them go on credit so we can enjoy and not worry and pay the majority of it off in small doses in the year) and we don’t mind whose credit account name it goes it, as we help each other out with finances anyway.

I think you need to make sure your children know that they are bing treated fairly and there is no favouritism. If one has an expensive gift and the other has a few little ones to make up for it then you have spent similar on each child and there’s no harm done.

*our children. They are certainly not outlet children