Fed up hearing about other kids

[Songbird232018]

So quick one from me today but bit of background... my partners relationship with his ex is tumultuous at best but as the 3 children have gotten older contact ( as most will find) does reduce however the last maybe 5/6 times we've had contact about money or contact the EX has always thrown up about her having 4 other kids (new husband after my partner) and the stresses this added to her.... now am I being nasty is saying we don't give a rats arse as that's her choice!

Examples
We reduced CSA by I think around 40 as my partner money changed... the message was she has 7 kids to raise... no that's money is for 2! (My partners eldest is his step son so no CSA for him from us as his dad pays)

Also we had the kids a week as 2 of them were home learning so asked to spend a week with us as there's more space- the ex said we could but the daughter has to be home certain times to help look after the 2 youngest... so we were like no! that's insanely messy with driving to and fro between houses.

Then the last one she mentioned that as we have only 1 bio child at home 70% of the time that we should be helping the kids life's and her life more as our life is 'easy' and we have lots of grandparent help and both work full time so money is ok (not loaded by any means) ... I really wanted to tell her it was her choice to have 7 children by 3 men and life's as hard as she has made it and I know that's mean but I don't want to justify my life to someone....

I think you're right OP.
Are your partners kids with her happy? Would things be better for them living with you? (Could you get on board with that?)

The ex sounds like chaos to be honest, and using a child as childcare is not a valid reason for her to be interfering with your contact time.

It’s not your dp’s problem that she’s got more children to provide for.

If this was the other way around then she wouldn’t be thinking of ways to make your lives easier.

Woahhhh she’s a cheeky bitch isn’t she!
Why do some people feel entitled to expect their ex partners to support the decisions they made after the relationship ended?
I’d simply ignore her.

One spectacularly cheeky story for you...
My work colleague’s DH has 2 DC from his first marriage and his ExW has a child from a subsequent failed relationship who is the same age as my friend and her DH’s joint biological child.
ExW kicked off massively with my friend and DH when they refused her suggestion to collect and keep the new child after school on the days they collect her DH’s children
She thought it was perfectly reasonable to expect her ExH and his wife provide free childcare for her other child?!
When they refused she screamed abuse, called the DH a terrible father (ironically seeing as he was not in fact this child’s father) and suggested he upped the maintenance because she wouldn’t be able to afford after school care for the child.

The entitlement is baffling!

Similarly, my DP’s ex chose to give up her part time job nearly 3 years ago and constantly screams at DP that she doesn’t have enough money to support the lifestyle she wants.
Her choice not to work, the kids are nearly 12 & 16!

It's not mean. It's true. If you choose to have 7 kids your life is likely to be more hectic and expensive than someone with less children. That's life.

It's not up to you and her ex to substitute her decision.

You're not mean at all.

And having a child home to look after younger children is terrible.

Where are the fathers of these other five kids?

You are not unreasonable. At all.

Not your problem. How does your partner deal with it?

Thanks all! Omg that after school story is just nuts... who thinks this way!

To be fair our 3 are all mid teens and they do on occasions look after younger siblings but what annoyed me was that she expected us to ferry their daughter back and forth when it suited her if she needed to work for an hour or go shopping etc. We've said no and as far as I know she's still coming to ours next week but we'll see how that goes.

My partners quite non confrontational so simply ignores or texts but always polite and short and sweet! I'm more of a ranter to be fair... she's also asked my step daughter to find out why I've only had 1 and only want 1.. like it's a foreign concept to her.

Its odd though because there was one occasion a few months back when we were running super late so it was a maccies dinner eaten in the car on the way home to get, we said that they couldn't really walk in with mcflurrys each when there were two younger children at home so we bought two extra but the kids came back out in a flash with them saying they weren't allowed them... which is fine her rules maybe but she's happy taking our money but not McFlurrys lol

I've award kept in my mind that my partners 3 oldest are in the odd situation of being teens and having 4 siblings with 10 years plus age gap so when they are older they very may well want to take the younger ones out together for a day... so it's in the best interests to ask after siblings etc, we bought small gifts when they were born from our bio son so maybe thinking about it I've allowed us to cross a weird line??

Wow. Some women really do think the world owes them a living. Tell her to fuck off, and don't even be nice about it.