At what age do you stop sorting out Father’s Day/birthday/Xmas gifts for your OH from their kids?

[Angelascammer]

DH and his ex don’t do it for the kids so for the last few years it’s been the respective partners (I assume on both sides) who’ve done this. I’ve always reminded my step kids (11 & 12 now) that its Dh’s birthday, Father’s Day and asked if they want to make him something or if they want to order anything online I’ll help them. I remember at 11 I always made my parents a card and made something (was an avid watcher of SMaRT on ccbc and blue Peter, loved crafts) or asked the other parent to help me buy some chocolate or something small. So as my step kids are now the same age I sort of feel they have the ability to think for themselves on this front and wonder should I continue enabling them to rely on someone else to do it for them? If I don’t remind them over and over and eventually sort it out then it won’t happen. Of course DH doesn’t expect expensive gifts or anything, he loves handmade cards. Just wondering what other people do with their kids and step kids who are secondary school age? Thank you!

If they gave their own pocket money and the ability to make it to the shop themselves then let them do that...although their ages seem a little young.

On the other hand, if they are crafty like you were ask them to do that - I would've hated doing that.

I ask the kids what they would like to buy and buy it online. Other than that, I taken them to Tesco and give them a suitable amount to spend and they pick themselves.

At 11/12i was coming through the town centre on the way back from school so could easily have popped into a shop and got something if I had money. However it depends on what freedom your DSC have and what money.

I'd ask them with notice if they want to name, order or go to shops and then aid that. I'm a couple of years when they're going into town with friends etc I'd just remind them to do it.

Thanks - I am happy to help them get or do what they want for their dad but I suppose my question is way what age do you stop prompting them/what age are they supposed to come to me instead and say I want to get this for dad / can you help me make a card or whatever?

I think for the sake of your partner and your sanity/need for preparation you don't stop prompting them...unless you want a last minute dash to the shops.

At 11/12 my DCs would only remember their own birthdays.

My partners daughters mum does presents for him - much easier. They decided to have a child together 🤷🏼‍♀️

Well at their age I wouldn't remind them over and over or sort it myself if they didn't. I would probably say if they want to order something online come and have a look now, because I don't want to have to keep nagging you. I think learning not to be selfish when it comes to birthdays etc is an important part of growing up. By that age I wouldn't expect them to be clueless about the birthday's of their nearest and dearest.

I'm 27, with kids of my own, and my mum still checks that I've remembered to buy for my Dad....

Well maybe I'm weird but I taught my dc to buy for me - I never asked or expected exh or exdp to do it.
My dc always had/have pocket money from 10 onwards so I would tell eldest (13 when exh & I split) to ensure he assisted the younger 2 in getting me something very small. I also had a birthday book in the house with everyone's date written in inc. their df & sm's. My youngest is now 14 & buys all her gifts for everyone totally independently & all three remember the birthdays of immediate family no problem.

My dhs ex used to go out and buy things like cheap, awful aftershave (think David Beckham etc) and then send a text to dh saying how much "he owed her". Presents were bought without sd there to choose.

So not only was she controlling what he was gifted but he was paying for it himself with no choice in the matter.

She then used to ask sd if she had seen dh putting on the aftershave. We reckon it was about making her mark somehow. Dh would be asked to put it on by sd and he would stink like cheap air freshener for the 30 mins it lasted...

A couple of years after this debacle started dh text ex and said "frankola will sort father's day gifts from now on seen as though I pay for them anyway..."

11 and 12 year olds will generally still need reminding...but with most kids having smartphones now, you could suggest they put it in as an annual reminder so they don't forget.

As they're secondary school age, they should be able to buy a card on the way home from school...but if they don't walk themselves, they may need help with it.

Father's day, as well as mother's day is always advertised, so they're are plenty of reminders for them...kids just often don't think of others.

I stopped prompting mine at 14 when they started to get a proper allowance and were going to shops more. Haven't had a Mother's Day card from one of my DD's since but my ex still gave them money for flowers (the reliable one) after we split until I moved away this year (he's very generous)

I think DSS sorted out from about aged 16. My DC on the other hand are fecking useless and need reminding about 1000 times to make a card.

I’ve stopped it this year - age 14 and 16.

However it was also this year that I detached from the madness so that had a lot to do with it.