What made you walk away from step parenting?

[StefInTheLandOfCrazy]

Hi all, I am relatively new on Mumsnet and I have been reading this board for a while. Even though I am not technically a step-parent, I was in a long term relationship with a man with kids (I have none), and I have experienced a lot of the struggles that this type of life brings. Eventually, I ended that relationship for three main reasons:

1. The relationship became too imbalanced, as I was childfree and all the compromises and sacrifices were coming from me.
2. My ex was completely unable to put boundaries in place with the mother of his DC, as well as with his DC (Disney parenting and all that jazz).
3. I felt like a spare part in his life, like an outsider looking in whilst he was living his "real life" with his first family. I felt very lonely.

In the end, it became too much for me, I was always miserable and I became resentful, so the relationship ended with lots of heartbreak for everyone.

Although I know that at the time, it was the only possible healthy choice for myself, I still sometimes miss my ex and wonder what could have been.

I'd be curious to hear the experience of other people who walked away from step-parenting, and the reasons why they did it. Have you ever regretted that choice? Do you think that that life could have been for you if you or your ex had done things differently? Are you glad you made that decision?

Hi everybody

im new to mumsnet and need help or advice I’m a mess! So here goes.

I have been in a relationship with a guy who I love loads and he has 2 kids…they now 11 and 15….yes I know awkward ages…I also have two kids not living with me but older and have lives of their own. His ex is a bitch , he always gives into her when she wants something, but he does it to try and keep the peace with her cos I’ve seen her when she doesn’t get her own way and it’s not nice so I kind of under that bit. Anyway his daughter 15yr old has just tried to kill herself thankfully she is ok but I think she got this stupid idea off her mate who has tried to do it to get attention…anyway she talks to her mum awful and I hate the language she uses and the attitude but I guess that’s teenagers…anyway his 11yr old son has started to ignore me totally I do all sorts for him but it’s getting to me and I dread them coming…what do I do? Walk away and let them get on with it, stay as I love my partner and keep thinking they not going to be here forever…I’m really at the end of my tether …

@Halfpint740

I would copy and paste your post into a new thread cos now it's on page 3 on a thread dating back to 2020.

Starting your own thread will have more chance of it being picked up. You could also post it in Relationships (instead of Step parenting,) which has a lot of traffic.

Welcome to mumsnet.

I am still married to a man with children but we now live separately. It’s been a success but was a risk I was prepared to take as could no longer deal with his daughter and the dynamics of step family life.

Almost all of the reasons listed on this thread are repeated and the step mum really does get a raw deal. I experienced it all. The ex, the bitterness extended via the kids, the Disney dad, lack of boundaries, feeling like an outsider.

Living apart has made it much easier as I have my own rules. I love my husband and we enjoy being together. It’s no longer compromised by his children and their mother. We still have challenges and bottle necks but I accept this. I have nothing to do with his daughter at all which obviously has its own issues.

If I had my time again I’d have walked away at the first signs of trouble - actually I’d never get involved with a man with kids again. It’s not for the faint hearted.

How is it practically working @HumptyDumpty2022 ? Do you find that you have much less time together?
I have thought of doing the same but the usual issue - exW refuses to work so he works all week and has them at the weekends..Which would result in barely any time together

I do see less of him as I work full time and so does he. His ‘children’ are now young adults so although the daughter still wants her ‘child contact time’ she often only wants one night of the EOW. I’ve always been very happy in my own company and actually found it much more lonely when all 3 were in our home together with me than I do alone.
We have always had separate finances so although he has to pay ex wife for another 2 years that’s up to him. If he can’t be bothered to challenge her greed then I certainly can’t.
The time we now spend together is quality time when we both want to, so it works very well.
Good luck with your situation.