38+3 and SD mum wants DH to travel

[EggBobbin]

When SS was 2 her mum moved 300ish miles away to be near family. A few years later and I met DH and we are now expecting our own DC very soon.

Things are usually ok between DH and her mum but they’ve just had a huge row about schooling (DD isn’t happy, wants to try private but we can’t afford half) and her mum has just insisted that DH honour a contact weekend which in the usual pattern would have been next week but which they’d both agreed to waive until I give birth. She’s now threatened if he doesn’t go up there she’ll go to court and suspend contact.

He doesn’t really have much in writing about the suspended weekend but it was pre agreed and there are messages about it (and how excited SD is to meet her new sibling)

I’m probably freaking out partly because I’m so pregnant but I feel really guilty if the timing of labour has any long term impact on his relationship with his DD, I don’t know, has anyone else had this? What happened? Should he just go and we’ll hope for the best?

Hi OP, why is your DH doing all the travelling if she moved 300 miles away? Or do they meet halfway?

Presumably DSC won’t meet his/her sibling this weekend anyway? And then they can meet them in two weeks if you have EOW?

Does your DH think she is serious about withholding contact and going to court?

Also, please don’t fall into the trap of overstretching for private school. DH needs to explain that it’s not going to happen. Make sure it’s in writing!

She doesn’t drive so he travels up. He often works near there (coincidence since they split) so can usually (pre COVID) drive up for work, stay in a hotel and get her early Saturday. Post COVID she insisted he still does a hotel or AirBnB so DD can attend a club locally which we were happy to accommodate.

We are concerned we couldn’t afford private long term. DH is a high earner but a freelancer so it’s variable and she has also passed 11+ so a grammar is an option and the most local school is Excellent.

I’m not sure how serious she is. DH has told me not to worry and he absolutely won’t go til baby is here but I’m not sure how he’s going to manage that and what the consequences could be. It was all planned out nicely and as soon as baby is here he was going to go and get her regardless of whose weekend it was (mum had agreed)

Oh tell her bugger and go to court, she will be laughed out for something so ridiculous. Contact with SC is fine to be missed for you having a baby :) don't feel like it's not just as if mum was having a baby I would say that you guys should be taking the kids some extra to let her or have to worry about them when in labour etc.

She's trying to control the situation that's all xx

That doesn’t sound dissimilar to things that happened around the time I had my first DD. I think you need to distance yourself from what is being said; it would be very risky of him to go so it’s right that he doesn’t and don’t let her spoil such an important time for you. It sounds like she’s throwing her weight around a bit and seeing how hard she can push and it’s his job to make it clear that he won’t be pushed.

Thanks. Part of me knows it will probably blow over but right now it’s hard not to fixate on everything, I’m just sat here waiting...

You’re right, if she had given birth we wouldn’t insist on only having SD on ‘our’ weekends. She had her eyes lasered and we organised it so it was in half term and we had SD, we wouldn’t have demanded she parent blind!

I don’t think she knows DH has told me as we do usually get on and I can’t imagine she’d want to stress me out rn, but she does defo have a temper and DH’s per level wealth/frugality is a flashpoint (he pays far more than the cms amount before anyone asks, and obv won’t be reducing it bcs of new baby)

You can’t go to court to suspend or stop contact. That’s ridiculous. The RP can’t ever force the NRP to have contact either.

She has just spat her dummy out because you having a dc more than likely reminds her of dd being born and your dh being with her...

Hotel or Airbnb stay isn't an option during lockdown - DH could only stay overnight if work related so does that make travelling a non option?

@Elvesinquarantine

She has just spat her dummy out because you having a dc more than likely reminds her of dd being born and your dh being with her...

That’s a bit of a reach based on what the OP has said.

Just to update that they have had a more productive conversation and while she’s still being prickly she’s no longer threatening court. We also had some legal advice.

I’ll probably step away as trying to stay very calm in the hope that will bring baby along!

Should have added ime.
My exh's ex was the same when my ds was due.. It was like she wanted reinforcement their dc was a priority over ours. Ds had a medical issue that needed 4 years of care . His ex was raging he wasn't available 24/7 for her and their dd.
Hopefully it's just a blip for you op.