Where do we stand legally ? Do you know anything about PAS ?

[mamazee]

hiya

my partner has a 12 year old DS living in london with his mum and step dad (they have been married 4 years) we live in somerset and have a 6 month old.
we have spent a year trying to negotiate contact time etc with her through solicitors letters, we tried mediation but she pulled out.

we are now applying for a court order to formalise agreements so it is not reliant on her moods.she has asked that DS be back from contact weekends at 7pm on a sunday and we have said between 7 and 8 but most likely 7 to 7.30 pm as we cannot control traffic and do not want DS to get into a state about getting home at "7pm SHARP" (her words) she has now said that in that case we have to have him in london during term time which is not possible...is she allowed to do this for the sake of half and hour ?

also has anyone heard about parental alienation sydrome and if so what can we do about it ?

OH and also she has given her new DH parental responsibility but not my DH is she allowed to do that ?

thanks so much i am so sick of this

mamazee the district judge that you appear in front of will make whatever contact order he feels is best for the child. It is done very much on a common sense basis. If you say that from a practical point of view it would be better to have contact to 8pm, and it seems that your reasons are very reasonable, then that is almost certainly what he/she will order - after all this is a 12 year old, it isn't past his bedtime or anything.

At the same time as applying for the contact order, your husband should also apply to have parental responsibility if he doesn't already have it (were they never married, was he not named on the birth certificate?)
It is almost unheard of for a court not to grant parental responsibility to a natural father if it is applied for.

Good luck!

hiya MintyDixCharrington

thanks so much

will they involve my DSS in the court procedure do you know ? my dh cannot bear the thought of his ds being put in a horrible position.
my dh name was on birth certificate but not married.
is it worth me applying for parental responsibilty as well ?

thanks so much ...nice to have info without having to paty £180 an hour

if your dh gets parental responsibility I'm not too sure what it would add if you had it, and frankly it might piss off your ss's mother

if there has never been a contact order before, then it is likely that the court will ask cafcass to talk to your stepson and see what he wants out of contact. at 12 years old his views will strongly influence the court. it shouldn't be anything he will find too stressful thoug, and is generally a good thing...

MintyDixCharrington ...
what do we do if she coaches him ? which we think she may do anyway ? how can they tell if he is saying what he actually wants as opposed to what his mum wants him to want ?
think you are right about parental responsibilty...don't wanna piss her off more ..
thank you

I think cafcass are pretty good and finding out what a child actually wants rather than what the parent has told it to say

they will write a report which the judge will read, which will set out all her findings, which may include stuff like "he is worried about upsetting his mother in saying so, but clearly would enjoy contact with his father and would like to see more of him" or whatever

I think as long as your dh turns up to the hearing, and is reasonable in all his requests etc it should be fine

thank you.
think formalising it all is the best route.
makes me so sad that it so often gets like this.

yes it is tough on everybody
good luck