Malicious Mother Syndrome?

[jojo38]

Anyone heard of or experienced Malicious Mother Syndrome?

I have heard of it but not had any experience of it I'm afraid. sorry.

Never heard of it, whats it all about?

Iv'e got one (mother that is!) but did not know it was a syndrome...tell me more?

It is where the mother of a child/ren infects the child with maliciousness about the father/fathers parnter and turns the child away from the father and/or partner of the father.

It is not something the mother realises she does half the time. It starts as resentment that the child leaves her side to be with another person the child loves to be with. In the end it becomes a syndrome... a way of life. infecting those around her because they listen to her words and feel her feelings.

It isnt' that easy to spot. Lots of dads and stepmums have a hard time from BMs, This can be where it all starts from. It isn't that common either so don't panic!

Are you getting the effects of it Jojo? I don't know anything about this, but I guess the child is the most damaged party in such case...

Sounds like what my mum tried to do when I was a child. It didn't work though.

I have experience of this and it affects all of us, but hopefully once my SD gets older she'll be able to look back at her experiences with me and DP and wonder what her mum was on about.

We've been dealing with this consistently for 3.5 years and just try to add as much positivity as possible to our SD's life whilst trying not to let the Mother destroy our relationships.

I am due my first child in January and we have had a 'plan' ready for months on end waiting for the inevitable backlash from SD's mother

Hya

No effects now chandra, used to tho. I think she is having a go. ss is very anti me at the moment. Oh well, suits me!

Being positive is the right way to go about it tho. You can't let it get to you, especially as a step parent. Its hard enough as it is.

BM;s can be very very insecure and try anything to stop the child from loving the father or even liking the partner of the dad. In the end it becomes a habit.

Just hang tight artyjoe, hang tight and the storm will blow over... might come back mind, so watch your back.

Good luck with the new baby too. I am sure that you will be too busy to worry about BM then.

I'm always suspicious of anything that's called "syndrome" when it's only ever applied to women. It's medicalising something which isn't medical and I find it quite sinister and mysogynistic. How comes there's no such thing as "murderous jealous psychopathic father syndrome" or "control freak syndrome" or "maintenance avoider syndrome"? I think it sounds like a very convenient label for bolshie women who won't do what their XP's tell them to.

I have heard of alienation syndrome, which is applied to either men or women and sounds similar to what you are talking about JJ - it's where the resident parent deliberately alienates the child from the absent parent, but there's no suggestion that the parent is not aware they are doing it, and the label is applied equally to the children who have been alienated (I think) as well as the parent who has been doing the alienating.

I don't think anyone would argue that it never happens, but to medicalise it is alarming. The history of women being diagnosed as mentally ill because of not behaving the way men want them to is too long and ignoble to accept another male invented syndrome.

I hear what you are saying caligula, I have to agree with your points. I think I saw it on some other site - and no disrespect to our friends across the pond, but I believe it may have been American.

I love the way you put things. You are just too good. Thanks for the smile, (I just did) God, I needed one today...yesterday even.

well i do speak quite openly with my children about loads of people and if my inlaws especially have pissed any of the family off then we all talk about it - cant see it being a problem though. I personally dont believe in candy coating people who are anything but sweet.

On the other side my dh isnt particularly good at showing his feelings (unless he's pissed off in which case there's no mistaking it) and his relationship with our son is, i would say, 80% down to me pushing them together.

I also dont believe in all these syndromes - apart from Internet Dependency Syndrome which is apparently very common

Internet Dependency Syndrome ? - what's that then ? Is there a web site about it ?

Hear hear Caligula

YES!!!!!! I know what it is..I get bursts of it through my step children...shes programmed them to tell me stuff...not good stuff either..Its her words but from there young mouths...Is that what you mean?...The x wife (mother)