Is it normal to feel sort of indifferent?

[JellyHely]

Just wondering if this is normal.

Basically I just feel pretty indifferent, not sure if that's even the right word, about the whole situation.

I like my step children, get on well with them, have a laugh, they are good kids.

But I don't really care either way about when they stay/if they stay, I don't miss them for example if they aren't here.

Like for example, I know DH misses them when their mum takes them away for a couple of weeks whereas I just feel 🤷

I have no feelings whatsoever for my SD or her DC, but that comes from twenty years of implacable hostility from her.

I guess every situation is different, but I tried very hard in the beginning to make us a blended family, only to find that she wasn't having any of it. Even now she does not speak to me unless she absolutely has to and still will not eat food that I have prepared. At 12 I was prepared to cut her some slack. At 32 I've run out of patience.

If your SC are still quite young, things may change as they grow. I would hope so. It makes life so much easier for everyone.

I feel the same OP. Known DSS for 11 years and he lives with us FT. Not bothered either way.

@JellyHely I think it's pretty normal . There seems to exist a modern day notion that children are endlessly fascinating & that there's something wrong with someone who is indifferent to them, but honesty, most people are indifferent to children who aren't 'theirs' & sc are no different.
I think stronger feelings re sc can develop but it takes time & depends on on the sp's personality, the sc themselves, their personalities, the influence of their other parent etc. If it comes it comes but if it doesn't that's ok too.

I’ve been with my DP 4.5 years. His ds is a lovely kid and DP fosters the relationship nicely and it all just, works. I’ve a lot of time for his ds. His dd, by contrast is an absolute pain in the backside at 19-going-on-9 (I have no doubt there are many more mature, capable, and better behaved 9yr olds around). DP enables her behaviour and is totally ineffective. I feel completely indifferent to her!

Kids are all a bit annoying, in some way. Other peoples children even more so! All people and kids and relationships differ.

With loyalty binds and weak dads and controlling exes, any positive step relationship is a win! And ‘meh’ is, I would say, perfectly ok!

I understand. My dsd's i love but not in the same way as my own. I care for them and treat them like my own when they're here, will check in semi regularly with mum (we get on well) but I can't say I miss them. Equally If they lived here full time I wouldn't mind. It's a strange dynamic but I think people expect step parents to feel the same but it's not the same.

How long have you known them and how often do you see them? I’m not sure when I started to miss mine, it crept up on my after a while.

I think what the love-them-as-your-own types (often not step parents themselves) fail to realise is how risky it can be to invest yourself emotionally in your partner’s children knowing that if they’re young, you don’t have a relationship with their other parent and you and your partner/spouse split up you’d never see them again.