Hi, I will try to make this brief. Dh and I been together 10 years, have 2 dd's. Dh split from his wife a year before we met, they have 2 dc's also.
THere has always been the feeling that she hates us seeing the children. WE HAVE ALWAYS TRIED OUR BEST TO GET ON AMICABLY WITH EX.oops sorry about that!
weve had the door slammed in our faces many times, and often we feel we have to walk on eggshells.
A few years ago we took them on holiday and it turned out that when they got back, they had made up lots of stories about what a terrible time they had had and told some blatant lies, one about me and what I had done to my ss. And they said they didnt want to see us anymore. Anyway , why did they do this? "because mummy", my ss told her, "you said you hated daddy and wished the lady that knocked him off his bike had run back over him". So she got to see then that the children feel she is not happy about the time they spend with us and feel they cannot say any of the nice things they did on holiday.
We couldnt understand why, after being apart for 11 years, that ex still appeared to hate dh. So i took her out for a drink, just incase it was the fact that she hated that her dc go off with a woman she hardly knows. She was very nice and insisted she had no problem with anything at all!
We have the dsc every two weeks by the way and in the hols.
So the latest thing is... dh and dsd had an arguement last time they were here, which resulted in dh taking them back an hour early as he was so angry with her behaviour. When he went back later with their stuff, ex declared that dss had said things ( that had not happened!) and was hysterical ( bearing in mind that when dh and dsd were arguing dss said to me "i love coming to your house - I say every friday - can I pack?"), and that dsd has said she never wants to see him again, and the door was slammed. No discussion, thast it.
He made no contact but went round at the weekend to pick them up as usual and she wouldnt answer the door.They n=knew he was there as he was knocking alot. He is gutted, I am gutted, and what am I supossed to tell my 3 yr old?
So now what do we do. Do we go to court with money we dont have to get access? How expensive and lenghty are these things. There is no doubt we will get access, but the point is if she is pissed off enough that we see them normally, how pissed off will she be when she is made to let them come to us? And how unbearable will it be for the children when they go home? And what if they say they dont wantto come to us anyway?
It s a horrible situation where we feel the children have to tell lies to keep mum happy. Its just surreal to think that we might not ever see them again. We are so normal - we take them back and pick them, up on time, we take them out, we love them, we haelp her out whenever she needs us ( but of course she only asks if she desperate as that would mean we would get to see them more). We just want contact, why would any mother want her kids not to have a relationship with their dad, I just dont get it.
Should we just leave it and hope they come to us when they are older? Dh's parents split when he was 12 and he saw lots of horrid stuff. He says " they have seen shit for the last 11 years, do they have to see it for the next 11?" And how awful will it be if we begin legal proceedings. It just seems even if we get access which we will, her problem is with us, or him, I dont know, and so the problem will never really be solved will it?
Thank you if you ve got this far. we just dont know what to do for the best.