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Original poster

Ex congradulating DP with anniversary

18 replies

Anuta77 · 24/09/2020 22:43

I know this is not about stepparenting, but since many women here deal with ex wives. Would you find it weird that the ex congradulates your partner with their wedding anniversary despite years of being separated? She says it was a desilusion but she gains a great friend...And he happily replies back.

OP posts:
UnderCaffeinated · 24/09/2020 23:38

It's weird that she congratulates him, especially weird is publicly, but it's definitely not one to lose your rag over if it's genuine.

If they're genuinely great friends, they communicate well with each other regarding the children and there's no conflict, and they really do consider each other friends then I think this is highly unusual but fairly healthy. It's much nicer for there to be no animosity of any kind. I'd maybe worry there are lingering romantic feelings but if they've been separated for years then I'd think if they were going to get back together, they would have.

Edinburghfalls · 24/09/2020 23:44

She says it was a what?

Oh and how was the communication done? Text message?

Isthisnothing · 25/09/2020 00:35

Yes it's weird. Where did she do this and what was said exactly?

Original poster
Anuta77 · 25/09/2020 00:52

Yes, via a text message. She has a history of telling him these sweet things making him feel important (that he's a great man, the most important man in her life, etc.) and this time, it was a congradulation on their whatever anniversary and that despite the dissapointment, she won a great friend. To which he answered: "happy anniversary, you know I always do what I promise". Separated 15 years or so..."Kids" are 20 and almost 18.

OP posts:
MyGodImSoYoung · 25/09/2020 07:48

Hmm, I wouldn't be overly happy if my DP and his ex congratulated each other on anniversaries, etc. It doesn't mean they can't be amicable or even friends, but it keeps a bit of history going that needs to be left in the past.

Also, they didn't actually reach the anniversary together, so a bit unnecessary anyway!

RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 25/09/2020 07:52

Separated 15 years and said the way you’ve written it? I wouldn’t have a problem with it. They’re clearly friends, they have a shared history. If they wanted to be together they would be.

I don’t really see the issue. It was their anniversary, it was a happy day, it would be a bit weird not to acknowledge that if they’re still close. It doesn’t sound like any kind of trying to rekindle things, just an acceptance that it all worked out for the best.

MeridianB · 25/09/2020 07:53

It’s weird. What does his reply about ‘always do what I promise’ mean?

catchyjem · 25/09/2020 07:58

That is really weird and I wouldn't be happy about it. They aren't together anymore, there is no anniversary. How can you wish someone a happy anniversary that doesn't exist? Confused

Isthisnothing · 25/09/2020 10:20

What does the always do what I promise mean? If that is based on an arrangement they had when they were together then I wouldn't be happy. If however it is something they said when they broke up "let's actually work at keeping this friendship happy better than we worked at our romantic relationship" then it's ok.

I don't know why they are celebrating anniversaries that they didn't reach. I would not be thrilled. Is there more to it that annoys you? If not, I would let it go.

Isthisnothing · 25/09/2020 10:22

Sorry the other messages would annoy me too - the most important man in her life and referring to her disappointment? It all sounds a bit sad. Is she with anyone? Are you friends with her?

It sounds like she strokes his ego and he enjoys it.

LRHRN · 26/09/2020 19:02

I would not tolerate this at all, I find it very weird.
How would he feel if you and your ex did the same?
I cannot understand why either of them feel the need to congratulate each other. If they wanted to do that they should of stayed together and made it work.
Not a nice position for you to be in at all. Xx

LRHRN · 26/09/2020 19:04

If the kids are that age they don't need to be in regular contact at all IMO

Pogmella · 28/09/2020 15:14

Lolz I found texts to OW on our anniversary so I can’t imagine texting ExDH that! I don’t think I’d be hugely concerned if DP sent his ex that though. They split amicably and it’s clearly not romantic.

Pogmella · 28/09/2020 15:15

His Ex does send up wedding anniversary cards etc though- so I guess I feel quite secure our relationship is respected which might affect it

UserABCDE12345 · 28/09/2020 16:37

I wouldn't like this at all. He should tell her to stop out of respect for you at the very least. Like pps have said, the anniversary doesn't even exist. Sounds like she is deliberately trying to keep herself in his mind.

Original poster
Anuta77 · 28/09/2020 22:10

Thank you all. Even if it's not romantic, she definetely wants to stay on his mind and she succeeds. I suppose I just have to wait for the children to move out in a few years and then at least, their physical contact will stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anuta77 · 28/09/2020 22:14

@Pogmella

His Ex does send up wedding anniversary cards etc though- so I guess I feel quite secure our relationship is respected which might affect it
Yes, this is the key. "Our" ex sort of makes efforts by wishing me happy bday, but when we're in the same space, she doesn't talk to me much, so it's really their exclusif "friendship"...
OP posts:
malificent7 · 25/10/2020 03:44

I wouldn't like it but i would just roll my eyes and ask him politely why these weird messages are being exchanged. It is good that they have a friendship but from my experience the ex does like to exert a certain anount of influence still.

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