CSA. Please help

[tigereyes1817]

I have explained before about the problems we have with the CSA. We have finally got a face to face officer and DH has been talking to her yesterday. She is preparing a report and we just hope that something gets sorted and our arrears are reduced as we, like so many other believe that we were wrongly assessed and departure not taken into consideration.

The problem I really have now is I have just received a phone call from this Face to Face officer and she has just asked for the details of our youngest as they do not seem to have them on file.

I have just asked about who receives these details as I do not want DH ex to know our youngest details as she has made several threats to other children and I do not want her knowing all the details of our youngest as I believe it has nothing to do with DH ex. The face to Face officer has just told me that Ex will know the details as it forms part of the assessment and that there nothing that we can do. Unless we do not give them details then our youngest will not be part of the assesment. I know I might sound petty but I have been there when she has made the threats against my chuildren and also against my child who died. SO you can imagine how little I think of her. We moved 100 miles away partly to do with her. So why does she needs our information and details? I just do not understand.

I couldn't get much sense of the lady on the phone she just kept saying that if she didn't have the details then we would have to pay more money. Can anyone tell why ex have to have such details.

I think it will just be that there is a child of the family, not age or name or anything else, ask her to clarify exactly what she will get to see?

She won't clarify I have asked her several times and all I got back was she will see the details as she is entitled to. Why aren't my kids entitled to privacy. Why can't they have confidentiality. Why is our details and my childrens details any of her business.

She is a dangerous women, she is not stable. She can say and do some horrific things. I am gutted. I can't understand why. Our relationship is struggling enough due to a lot of this as it is. Know this.

We have tried everything to help DSC as they suffer from the abuse to but there is nothing we can do. It is a nightmare.

The CVA are disgraceful
they ruin familes instead of helping them, its a joke, and to demand the details of your youngest and then say they will be passed on to the ex depsite threats etc, that is terrible and could be argued trhat they are putting your children in danger!!!!!!

I have been there and currently geting a retraining order on my hubbys ex, we don't pay any maintenance now but sure they will turn round in 6 months ans say we owe about £80000 again because they don't know their arse from their elbow

I have said that giving Dh ex our details of our children and especialy now our youngest would be dangerous, as she is not stable and has made several threats on my childrens lives before. All I was told was 'Well if she did then she would lose her children. However much this is true it doesn't give me great comfort that I have to live with her words ringing through my head. I know how close we are to breaking. We do everything possibly to ensure DSC are ok and we provide everything for them when they are with us. We take them on holiday with us. We travel 200 miles rond journey everytime. but thatis not taken into consideration as it is not far enough. It only counts when you travel more than 150 miles by the way the crow flies. We travel by car on roads and rush hour not a helicopter.

There is no reason why ex has to know our details. We're not allowed to know any of hers as she is protected by the data protetion act. Wheres my children protection. why ar they not covered by the data protection act?

she wont see the details of your youngest.

it will show x amount of children for whom the assessment is for, thats all.
the csa need the full details to assess the case but she will not see anything bar that there is another child included iyswim?

Sorry, no advice for you TE, but it sounds horrendous for you.

I think it's outrageous that the absent parent's details are given to the parent with care, but not vice versa.

It's outrageous that the absent parent's partner's income is taken into account when working out maintenance payments, but not the parent with care's partner.

And you can tell them how many nights per year the child/ren are with the absent parent, but unless the parent with care confirms this, they will not take that into account either.

I used to get so wound up about it until I realised that there was no point in wasting energy on things I couldn't do anything about.

well im a parent with care, he has three children with a new partner and i was not given any info on them when the assessment was made, just the number of children involved.

his new partners income was not taken into account when the assessment was made - just his. they knew they were living together because they added her children from a previous relationship onto our assessment too.

I'd better add that this was 8 years ago so things may well have changed! We were assessed under the old system.

At that time dh's x got to see details of how his assessment was worked out, basically a copy of what he was sent. He didn't get a copy of how her assessment was worked out.

And my details were definitely requested and taken into account, I had forms to fill in and had conversations with them about it!

All my details and any finance I have been taken into account too. Even the child benefit I get for my kids is added to the assesment. The lot. Every penny I have. Which is not much of an income. But it is all added into the assessment. Also I did not give any of my details to them as I do not thin the child benefit or tax credit I get for my kids should be involved when DH ex get her own child benefit and tax credits for DSC. But the assessment came it had every last penny I get on there. I have absolutely no idea how they got hold of my details as in NINO but they did and checked everything. And used the lot. I would also like to know when we have DSC why don't we get the child benefit for that week and the tax credits for that week. And every week we have them? We don't Ex still gets every penny even when she does not have the children. How on earth can this be fair? We want the children here with us but we are not allowed. As they won't remove them from their mother because there is no evidence of her mentally harming them. So I think that they are waiting until they are so screwed up that they will then have to spend a lot of money and resources trying to get back to normality. She is a very good liar. And the system hasn't changed that much as they are still penailising the absent parent who is trying very hard to keep contact with their children. I am still fuming and it was yesterday.

Tigereyes, we've spoken about this on another post. It is all so unfair on the 'abesnt' (I hate that word) parent. It is in the best interest of the parent with care to deny access to the other parent as they are being rewarded for it. Meanwhile, the fathers who are willing and wanting to support their children are being penalised for it and those who don't aren't being persued.
My income has not been mentioned when calculating payments though. I don't know if this is because they don't realise there's another adult living here or because the system has changed. How long ago were you assessed?
I'm afraid I have no experience with regard to giving out the details of your DC but it seem to me that the people working at the CSA have no scope to follow common sense. They are there to tick the right boxes and follow the predesigned formula. Unfortunatly that kind of approach doesn't work when you are dealing with peoples lives.

We were assessed by the old system and this new system. They have taken into account every penny. And it is not much. I do'nt even pay tax that's how little I earn. But they take that into account when assessing. Ex knows that I have a little bit of money coming in as she did mention this one of the times that she was giving DH grief. And I certainly didn't tell her nor did DH. The new system seems to do anything they can to get money out of the ones who do pay. Like we've said before. Then the government have announced that they intend to make 'absent' parent. I disagree with that word too. pay 20% of their gross wage. No longer 15% of their net wage. So all our payments will go up god only knows how much. When do we say enough is enough. As I now that our wages are not going up to cover the extra, so where the hell do we get the money from. And continue contact travelling backwards and forwards for them too. Why do they make it so difficult for us? We can't pay what they are asking for now. So all our children are suffering. Surely this is not right!

It's completly wrong but there is absolutley nothing that we can do. This is why fathers have commited suicide and resorted to dressing up as batman and handcuffing themselves to politicians. Out of pure frustration and helplesness.
Didn't know payments were going up. How do they expect people to live? Do you ever wonder why you got yourself into this Tigereyes? I'm so happy to have my DSC and DP but it would be so much easier to be in a different situation!

DO I wonder? I have wondered several times and thats is not saying that I do not love all my children and DH but my God it has and still does test our strength. We are very much calapsing now I know we are and I now that it is me who is loosing the fight more so. I believe our children will be beter off if we were not with DH. But then he would have to pay more to ex and my kids will still loose out. I just wish we could have all the children under one roof and let ex get on with what she wants to do. At least we would know the children safe and no longer part of a nasty game where the looser are the children. All our kids get on great we are a very close family but the children are not yet old enough to voice there own opinion also although my opinion of their mother is not very high not they have heard so. (I stick up for her at every oportunity in front of them). She is still their mother and they love her. Which is only right. this bloody system stinks, the best thing for children is having both parent in their life and knowing that they are loved even when mummy and daddy don't love each other anymore. But the way this system works is to make it as difficult as possible so that you can not actually be able to afford to have a relationship with your children that were taken away from you.

As for payments going up. Yep it true. Gordon Brown said it in his first confrence speech. He said that he would the asent fathers pay and that he would not let then run away from their responsibilities, by seizing property and passports and that the assessment would be worked out using 20% of GROSS pay not 15% of NET pay. Now you tell me how the hell can we afford that then.

I know I have heard of Fathers commiting suicide and and the father4justice I can only empathise with them and their families as they are so deseparate.

I have replied to your other post.

I really don't understand this, as I don't even see ex's address on my CSA paperwork, so I can't see her getting anything

Tigereyes have you tried the NACSA?

www.nacsa.co.uk/

Hugs to you and other stepparents here, man it is so tough!

Tigereyes...
apparently 9 times more divorced dads commit suicide compared to divorced mums.

Very very sad, as you have said the system absolutely stinks

My sympathies, tiger. We're currently undergoing a nightmare with the CSA too, because dh's ex-wife fradulently claimed benefits from 1997 to 2003. When asked if DH was giving her any money, she said no. He was, in fact, giving her £400 cash (as agreed by the CSA). He stopped giving her this amount last year, 1. because the kids are now grown up which 2. tied in (spookily enough) with her second marriage to a millionaire.

Four years later, they're pursuing us for £15,000. The bailiffs are imminent. It's her words against his, and they're not even listening to him. They never have.

They're criminally incompetent, tiger. I hope you get some resolution to this nightmare soon.

yes my dh has an almost 400 round trip to see his son ehich has been every other weekend and he has now asked for it to be monthly because it is affecting us too much, we both work full time and have a very young daughter ourselves and she never see him because he is working all week and then every other weekend goes off to see his son.
It also costs alot and he is exhausted.
We used to pay maintenence but it stopped when we had a child, they assessed and although they say they don't take the absent parents partners income into consideration they still want to know it so whats that all about?
I resent it so much, I studied for years at college and uni and have a career and I don't earn a fortune but we have one child between us and I will spend what I like on her. Hubbys ex has not worked for ten years and his son is at school all day everyday and always pleading poverty-well go and get a job then I say, like we have

We could go on, couldn't we?

DH's ex-wife was the one who kicked him out. She was the one having the affair (with said millionaire, who waited ten years until all the kids were grown up before he married her).

Poor dh has been living in poverty ever since, and they're coming after him, despite that he gave her £400 a month, and had a 200-mile a fortnight round trip to pick up and drop off the kids, who stayed over one or two nights each time.

And they're coming after him ....??

And as for the idea of not letting asent fathers run away from their responsibilities, isn't that what the CSA's supposed to do? Instead of demanding more and more money from those fathers that are already paying? If you ever look at the single parents threads there are so many fathers that the CSA are not asking for any money from because they're too difficult to track down. I have a friend who's ex hasn't paid a penny towards his DD and nothing is being done!

I know many stories like that, purple. It's all so bloody unfair ..

I hate the term "absent parent" too.

all these situations make me really angry - it's all so unfair. I can't offer any advice whatsoever but lots of sympathy and rest assured not all ex wives are like the bitches you are encountering..