Surely this is not unreasonable?

[OiSortItOwt]

Moved into a house with the intention of converting the attic to create a third bedroom for our joint DC, with SC sharing the large second bedroom that's already there.

Unfortunately, due to various issues this has not been possible and likely won't be possible for quite some time (years) due to various structural obstacles and costs and Covid putting restrictions on our budget for this now.

The second bedroom currently shared by SC is large enough to divide into two smaller rooms.

DH is saying that he thinks our child should just sleep with us in our room until we move again (won't be for a good number of years yet!).

I think we need to split the second room so all children have their own space.

SC have always shared and want to continue sharing anyway but splitting the room would mean they'd have less space and would have to have bunk beds rather than separate beds which they aren't keen on.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect child living in the house 7 days a week to not have their own room and to sleep with mum and dad for years just to avoid having bunk beds and a slightly smaller room.

SC stay 3 nights a week but rarely play in their room and prefer to be downstairs with us (7 & 9- same gender). Our child nearing 1 so not so much an issue right no but definitely want them to be able to sleep separately very soon and have space for their things.

If they are happy sharing for now that sounds good. Do you mean you soon want the 1y old to move out of your room and started sleeping on their own?

If you can sort the attic in the next few years so oldest two can have own spaces that be lovely. But sounds like you need to put a wall up anyway for the youngest. Then when the attic is done you will have a room each.

Yeah so the plan was:

2 bedrooms currently there would be split:

1 shared by SC (they want to share, always have, do at mums too).

1 for our joint DC

And then the attic room would be for me and DH. So creating a three bed house.

Unfortunately we can't do the attic right now and won't be able to do for some time so the plan is to split the room currently shared by SC into two smaller rooms with them sharing one side and our joint DC having the other. Mine and DHs current room is basically the same size as the 2nd bedroom that SC are in so it would make no difference which room we split.

The rooms will still be an alright size but there wouldn't be enough room for two separate beds meaning SC will need to have bunk beds which they aren't keen on the idea of.

What does your DH say about having your child sleeping with you when they are 3/4/5 years old?
I agree with you, but he must be feeling guilty.
Obviously, nobody likes to downgrade, but you can sit them down and explain that 1) they are only here 3 days per week 2) they are spending most of the time not in their bedroom anyway, it will be just to sleep 3) maybe you can chose the bunk beds together, add cute lights and make the room nice otherwise.

Or maybe they can share all three? I have a friend who has 3 daughters, one being much younger than the first 2 and they share for now.

Out almost 3 year old is still sleeping with us (no intimacy as you can imagine) and doesn't have another place to play other than the living room which is full of toys. So I decided (and DP agreed) that we'll put a high bed in SD's room (EOW, but she's almost 14), so that our child has a place for his toys and to play with them. We didn't find a sleeping solution yet though...

Even if you had the money now, I’m not sure you’d want to have 1yo sleeping on his/her own on a different floor from mum and dad?

Could they all share for now, on the understanding it’s not forever, esp as the older two don’t play in their room so won’t feel the impact too much? And your 1yo won’t need more than a cot bed and a few toys so won’t be snagging all the space.

Maybe your child is fine with you for the next year or so but after that they need their own space to play and sleep. I'd say spilt the room in a year or so until you can afford the attic room. Plus you and your husband need a room and privacy!

How often do you SC stay?

Sorry just seem 3 nights!

Split the room until you get the budget to build the attic. How ridiculous for the child to sleep with you for a number of years

Your DH needs to understand that he now has to accommodate 3 children and that his 3rd child is no less important than the first two. Don’t let the bar be set too low for how your child will be treated growing up. He has one home with you and deserves a room in it. His older siblings will get used to bunk beds, it’s not as if they are being chucked into a tent in the garden.

Completely agree with @Giespeace - it is absolutely ludicrous of your husband to suggest your joint child doesn't have a room at all for years so the two older kids who are there half the time don't have to compromise. I would be furious he genuinely thought that was a fair solution.

My son was in his own room before the age of 1 anyway and I was a single parent. If I had a partner I would have hated to never be able to cuddle up and chat in bed or go to bed without the fear of waking up the toddler, let alone the fact that he’s putting a complete stop to your sex life. Split the room or all three can share, give the two step daughters the choice on that if you think it helps them feel more involved, but ultimately I think splitting it and getting them excited about decorating their own room would be best.

@OiSortItOwt why aren't your SC keen on the idea of bunk beds?
If their share of the room will be smaller what about a sofa bed or something similar. We did this For my SC so they could use their room as somewhere to relax on the sofa, watch TV etc, then it doubled up into a double sofa bed when they were older and too big for bunk beds.