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Step-parenting

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Aibu?

9 replies

MrGreenTurtle · 13/09/2020 13:33

My husband was called into work early this morning on an emergency. We had my step children here and their mum was picking them up mid-day so I said no problem, they can just stay with me until their mum comes.

Anyway, the children always get up quite early to watch cartoons/play games in the living room at the weekend before me and their dad get up, say around 7:30am and we tend to get up about 9:30.

This morning I came downstairs and there were no children... I was panicking obviously wondering where the hell they were and was ringing DH. DH also had no clue.

Eventually DH manages to get hold of his ex, it turns out she thought she'd stop by for them early as she was driving past this way and so came and collected them at about 8:30 but didn't bother sharing this information with us. Our front door opens into the living room (can't be opened from outside but can be from inside so kids obviously saw it was mum at the door and let her in).

AIBU to think this is not okay? If you do this, you make sure the other parent knows about it surely? Even if it's after you've picked them up you'd send a text saying 'btw I've got the kids'. Surely if an adult isn't up in the house you don't just take the children and not say anything?!

AIBU to tell DH that I want him to message and say not to do that again and to let us know in future if she stops by early. She also refuses to have my number, it's not necessary apparently which is fine. She's also kicked off in the past when I've looked after them alone for short periods of time (not that often but occasionally I've done so in the past) so it makes me wonder if it was deliberate (she knew it was me and not DH in the house), although she has asked me in the past when she's wanted to go out with friends and DH hasn't been available, not on his days. Funnily it's not a problem when she wants a favour. Tbh I feel like saying now that I won't look after them on my own again when she's due to collect them from me as we have no way of contacting each other about changes like this and DH isn't always immediately available when he's at work and if that means either she or DH has to change their plans then whatever.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 13/09/2020 13:36

Maybe their mum didn’t realise you were in bed and assumed they told you they were going.

I think it’s more unreasonable for them to get up at 7.30am and you and OH stay in bed until 9.30am.

FippertyGibbett · 13/09/2020 13:37

It’s not on to come into your house without you knowing.
And yes, she should have left a note or text.

MrGreenTurtle · 13/09/2020 13:39

I think it’s more unreasonable for them to get up at 7.30am and you and OH stay in bed until 9.30am

Why? They aren't tiny children that need constant supervision. They are perfectly able to watch cartoons for a couple of hours in the morning.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 13/09/2020 13:49

Because, as you realised this morning, anything can happen in those 2 hours.

How old are they?

MyGodImSoYoung · 13/09/2020 15:10

Of course it is fine to leave them downstairs for a couple of hours to watch tv if they are old enough. My DSD wake up at 6am. I get up every week day at 6am, I should be able to get up at 8am at the weekend.

However, they need to know that they should not be opening the door to anyone, their mother or otherwise. It is not safe. They should wake the adults up it someone knocks or if they need anything else.

It is completely reasonable for your DH to contact their mother and tell her it was unacceptable of her to pick them up without making you aware. I wouldn't blame you for not wanting sole responsibility for them anymore, even for a short while.

IndecentFeminist · 13/09/2020 15:12

How old are they?

MrGreenTurtle · 13/09/2020 15:17

7 and 9.

They do know not to answer the door and on the very rare occasion, I'd say once possibly twice, a parcel has come or something, they've always come upstairs and told us not answered it themselves.

I think the fact it was their mum (the door has a window on it), they thought it was okay to answer to her which I understand.

OP posts:
Maybe83 · 13/09/2020 16:23

Its one thing staying in bed awake , reading or watching TV while they are up another being asleep. You didn't hear them leave the house. My DD is 7 we would not allow her to get up with out one of us at least being awake.

She absolutely should have text to say she had them. I am sure she would not be happy to come into her sitting room and find them gone one morning. Its the basic level of communication needed.

KylieKoKo · 13/09/2020 16:55

That must have been incredibly worrying for you op.

She should definitely have informed you of her plans. She could have sent one of the kids in to wake you up and tell you. I'm sure she wouldn't be happy if you and your husband showed up at her house unannounced and took the children without saying anything!

I also don't think it's unreasonable to leave a 7 and 9 year old to their own devices for a couple of hours in the morning.

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