Struggling Step Parent

[StressedMum2020]

Hi 👋🏼 first time poster here. Me and my DH Both have children from previous relationships (I have a teen child and he has 6 Yo twins) they all live with us full time. There is a big age gap between my child and his and I’m struggling with being a full time parent to his twins. My child wasn’t a naughty child and would listen to me etc but my SC are consistently naughty and never listen. They fight all of the time and it’s making me miserable. I’ve tried over the last 2 years that we have lived together to get their behaviour better but we’re getting nowhere. The older they are getting the worse their behaviour is. I’m at the end of my tether tbh. I love my DH with all of my heart and knew that he had them when we got together but I honestly didn’t realise how difficult it would be to take them on as my own. My DH has M.E And depression, so I take on the majority of the parenting most days As their behaviour is a huge trigger for his illnesses as well as Me working full time in a stressful job and it’s wearing me down. Some days I think to myself what am I getting out of this relationship besides stress - which is silly because my DH is amazing, romantic and my soul mate and our relationship is Great it’s just at the moment I’m feeling massively overwhelmed. I don’t know the point of this post I just want to feel Like I’m not alone in this struggle I guess! ❤️

@StressedMum2020 Hi my love. I, too, am a struggling step parent. However, the bit that resonated with me was your DH having ME and depression.

My own DM suffers from both, as well as many other illnesses. She is in constant agony. She is my sole parent and always has been. No step parents involved. She was, and still is, the greatest parent I could have wished for.

Whilst her disabilities meant that I never got to climb trees, they never got in the way of her parenting. I knew the rules. She showed love and affection but still implemented discipline.

Don't be left to do all the parenting. It isn't your sole responsibility. I'm not for one minute saying your DH leaves you to it, but if you are struggling then you need to be able to step back and he needs to take over.

Xx

When the twins fight do they get attention? Especially from their dad?

If so as the PP indicated you need to ensure he spends time with them and also parents them without you.

Also could you both alternately take each twin out separately for a couple of hours each Saturday? So one Saturday you have twin one on your own and he has twin two, then the next Saturday you have twin two and he has twin one. As they are 6 it may just mean going to different playgrounds to each other.

Hi OP

Feel for you. Do they see their mother at all? Is DH in bed mostly?

What happens when they are naughty? Does your DH say/do anything? Are you allowed to parent them properly or is it all TLC and no rules?