Hi,
I'm looking for some outside opinions as not sure if I'm being spiteful here or having a reasonable reaction.
Short version, my partner's ex is taking DSD on holiday abroad even though she has been staying here and I am awaiting covid test results as have been showing symptoms.
The longer version -
I was extremely compromised up to a couple of months ago as I was undergoing gruelling chemo and had to shield. His ex claimed she was following the same standards (no idea why she claimed this, nobody in her house was vulnerable) but in actual fact completely flouted the rules - I don't want to be too outing but we don't live in the UK and she did not get on board with any of the government regulations. She tried to persuade us to take dsd during this time and twisted it to look like her dad just wasn't bothered. I was told by my consultant we could not have DSD living between two houses. We would have taken her full-time but she didn't want that.
I should also note that during this time there was a tragedy in my family and due to covid rules we could not respond in any kind of normal manner. It was heartbreaking but we didn't break any of the rules. When I heard then that this woman was just doing as she pleased it twisted a knife in my heart. I mention this as I know the two aren't linked really which is why i am now worrying I may be having an emotional overreaction. At the time I wanted to report her to the police but my partner said (correctly) it was just going to cause more problems for DSD as it would be clear it was she who let the cat out of the bag.
Our government advice is to only leave the country on essential travel but it is not illegal. However my partner and his ex have a court order agreement that they have to inform the other / give permission to take the kids abroad. His ex took their children (I'm only discussing one because she is the only one currently staying with us) out of the country six weeks ago despite him saying he was not giving permission. They also did not follow quarantine rules on return. We cancelled our holiday abroad at significant financial loss as did everyone else I know.
My partner's ex put a court order in place in the past to prevent him taking the children out during school term. He once booked flights which would have seen the youngest miss a half-day of junior school. He had to buy new flights. He had very little money at the time, was taking them to see a relative just to try to make a holiday within the circumstances.
(Sorry this is so long).
So now to this trip. It's during the school term of senior school which their existing court order (put in place by his ex) does not allow. It's a full week out of senior school. He has said he is not giving permission and it was agreed that DSD would stay with us while her mum and sisters were abroad. I was not looking forward to the sulks but hey, thats life.
The mum then decided she was taking her anyway and emailed a week ago to inform my partner and asking him if he wants to change his access weekend. She told dsd she is coming on the holiday. DP wrote back to reiterate he's not giving permission but she has put him in an impossible situation that if he forcibly stops it it will damage his relationship with his DD. It should be noted that DD has no regard whatsoever for covid precautions having seen her household ignores them entirely so argues and sulks relentlessly if I ask her to put on a mask in the shops or sanitise her hands - she seems to think I am making up the rules to suit myself.
This week I developed covid symptoms so had to stay home as am frontline. DSD happened to be staying with us. I was told on the assessment call to not allow her to to school or anywhere else until I have my result. If positive she will need to be tested along with the rest of my close contacts.
The flight out is scheduled for tomorrow. I have no results yet. The ex said it is going ahead regardless. I am absolutely furious and think he should report her but don't know if I'm overreacting. She will have to sign a form but I don't know if it states a confirmed covid case or a suspected covid case. Regardless she is not allowed take her out of the country during school term based on the court order. He could phone the airport and tell them his daughter does not have permission to travel.
But I might be negative, everyone might be negative and then will have enraged DSD sitting at our house in a sulk for a week.
By the way to anyone who is wondering why I am getting involved it's because I know DP will ask my opinion. He can be fairly hotheaded (he had planned to intercept his DD on his scheduled weekend but I persuaded him it would just be too distressing for her) and he tends to seek out my perspective on these matters.
Any thoughts?