Has anyone ever snapped out of feeling like this? One of my SC really annoys me.

[MuddyMad]

And I feel terrible for it.

Two DSC and the youngest I just find really irritating a lot of the time. He is really loud and is the naughtiest of the two. You have to ask him a million times to do anything and he is very cheeky and difficult sometimes with all of us, not just me, his mum and dad too.

He also fights with his sibling a lot and gets physical.

I just find his presence draining tbh and I've stopped liking it when they come and can't wait for them to go (50:50), it's got to the point now where even when he does behave, I find him annoying.

I don't want to feel like this. I feel like I do a lot for them, I am kind and welcoming at all times and I am involved as much as is appropriate for a SP. Get on well with their mum etc...

He is improving slightly with age but I just feel like all the stuff in the past has tainted the way I feel about him now and I need to snap out of it.

I much prefer the older DC. Even when they were younger, the same age as youngest is, they were never as annoying

DH thinks he's the absolute bees knees (of course), just a bit 'cheeky'.

Are you having to care for him when his dad's at work or out of the house?

Occasionally, not all the time.

It's that feeling when you know someone just really grates on you and then everything they do just really bugs you from then on even if it's not bad! I feel so awful about it. But it's hard you know? I don't have that unconditional love or bond that a parent has so I find it hard to just click my fingers and stop feeling this way and just like/love someone who's been really difficult in the past (and still can be).

But he's only a child so I need to try.

You can't control his behaviour but you can control your reaction to it.

I totally get it. And sometimes I think it's the adults around the child who enable, indulge and even encourage and create the child's behaviour that's the really annoying thing. Not the child themselves.

How old is he? I felt this way (and still do to some extent) with younger DSS. Up to the age of about 12 I found him completely unbearable. Like I literally couldn’t stand being in his presence for half an hour. Selfish, spiteful, lazy, greedy, braggy. Oh and the lies...just completely unnecessary lies and kicking off like a toddler when caught out. It wasn’t just me either, his teachers would hold their head in their hands at parents evening.

He’s now 14 and has improved a lot. Takes it on the chin if he’s reprimanded for something, the lies and bragging have settled down (although not disappeared completely). So there may be hope OP. I’ll tell you now though, me and DH wouldn’t have been together now if it was 50:50...

I think when somebody annoys us, at some point, we just reinforce our own thoughts to the point that when we can't see anything good in them. I mean, maybe he is really unbearable, but maybe you could try to reset your feelings and see what happens. It's for you to feel better.
Also, children do have annoying phases, my own child as well as 2 skids had phases where I have trouble supporting them, but they improuved and my bad feelings are gone.

Well he sounds very annoying OP. Don't feel bad for recognising that, it's how everyone other than his parents would describe him. I think you've really hit on something with what you said about not having unconditional love for him that allows you to overlook his annoying behaviours, that's something I think that people really underestimate.

I have one DD and one SS. With my daughter, almost everything she does is naturally endearing to me. She could just be standing there and I would find something sweet about the way she was doing it. Or she could be running around hyperactive, or having a huge, foot stomping tantrum, and even if I was frustrated by the behaviour I'd still find it funny and cute deep down. With my SS, only the things that are actually endearing are endearing. I don't find him charming unless he's doing something charming, which unfortunately isn't all that often, and when he's being annoying (which is often), it's just annoying.

I don't think parents who aren't step parents understand this very often. Personally, I don't think I would ever seek out a romantic relationship/step parent dynamic knowing my child was a "bit of a character", or whatever it might be, because I know from experience how quickly that wears thin when you aren't the child's parent.

I feel very similarly to you about my SS and always have OP, in fact your description of yours could have been him. I find almost everything he does irritating (including things I objectively know might be charming to his parents) and have to work very hard not to show it. I haven't snapped out of it, I've just been honest with my partner so he knows and understands when I say to him that I'm going to spend some time by myself when SS is here, it's because he's doing my absolute head in. I honestly just break the day up with chores and reasons to get some air.

I woudl suggest that the first thing you do is opt out of the babysitting.

I think given how you describe how his dad thinks about him, it's partly his (lack of) parenting that is causing this behaviour. You need to be very firm with children like this or they just take this piss and they know what they are doing too. Problem is, your DH needs to get a handle on it which it doesn't sound like he will if he thinks he's just a bit cheeky and 'the bees knees'.