Therapist

[AR39]

Hello

First time posting on here but really need some help, my step son who is 8 is becoming increasingly angry, back chatting rude, we have tried everything, positive reinforcement, removing technology more time alone with just dad while i have the the other 2 children but nothing works. I think he needs to speak to a professional to work out why he is so angry all the time but dont know where to start!! we live in the west midlands so any recommendations would be gratefully received. For context his mum who he lives with 50% of the time sets no boundries and simply sends him to his room with an ipad as punishment!!

I'm a family therapist and I wonder if that might be worth thinking about as a blended family? Anger in children can be due to anxiety, home/life changes, hormones, bullying, difficult family rships, the list goes on. Sometimes it's best to tackle the systemic problems in a family rather than seek therapy for the child individually. If you think he does have underlying issues that are completely separate to his family (e.g undiagnosed psychological disorder) then school SEN/pastoral care would be a good place to start? A lot of primary schools have counsellors as part of their pastoral team.

Angry how? As a therapist too, I agree with the pp. The backchat at this age is common and normal. Do you have your own child this age?

Thanks both family therapy isn’t an option, it wasn’t an amicable divorce and his mum has no interest in co parenting, as evidenced by he telling him “not to tell us anything that happens at her house”. A lot of his anger clearly stems from the divorce but he also has a lot of animosity to his younger brother who he believes “ruins everything”. I think if he came with his dad that would be ideal

Is his younger brother yours and how old is the age gap

I think it’s a great idea. I’d google family therapists in your area and see if they would do one to one. You should be able to see their websites and look at experiences they have. I got dragged to a family session when my mother was having therapy . I hated it. There was loads of stuff I could of said but no way would I have said it because I would have got grief at home and also didn’t want to say anything negative about my mother in front of her

Even though it’s normal to back chat at that age he might be able to talk about other issues he may feel is private.

I’m feeling sorry for this 8 year old. It sounds like he has adults in his life that need to get their shit together rather than him being difficult and needing therapy - unless I’ve misunderstood and you just mean someone for him to chat to about the divorce and difficult relationship between his parents?

I think it’s a lovely idea given the high-tension situation between his parents which obviously can’t be resolved if there’s one parent who won’t come to the table. It can be somebody neutral for him to express himself freely to. My DSD, while not acting out as such, is clearly carrying a lot of thoughts and feelings that she refuses to express to either parent and we can see it’s heavy for her, so we are aiming to do exactly this.

Agree with @Notcrackersyet

I have 2 SC - 15 & 12. Mum refuses to go parent and is extremely high conflict.

It’s got to the stage were the 15 YO DSD won’t talk to me and hardly talks to her dad (apparently because it upsets mummy if she’s nice to us).

It’s now so bad her dad thinks she needs some therapy to talk things through with someone independent but mum won’t entertain the idea. The poor girl is in absolute turmoil.

My DSD doesn’t act out, or play up but has low self, no confidence and can’t communicate. As above poster the poor child is clearly carrying a lot of thoughts and feelings that she refuses or can’t express to either parent.

It’s worth a try.