Step parenting troubles

[Jm75]

Hi
I have lived with my same sex female partner for 3 years and her 10 year old daughter . I have always struggled to enjoy family time . I have really tried but find her daughter annoying , entitled , boring and immature . My partner does not see any of this and so after many arguements I just keep it all to myself now . The only way I cope is by going out .
Immunity: her mum still showers her and she screams the whole time
Tantrums over the smallest disappointment
Silly stories we all have to listen too which make no sense .... for example she announced she was making a plan which of her friends she was going to kill with her scissors as she loves scissors
Rude : laying on sofa on demands can someone get me an ice lollie I am watching t.v .
Interrupting us talking if she is not the centre
Boring : talks about nothing but silly stories that she makes up.
Wont try anything that she dosnt want to do even going for a walk
Had no interests other than t.v or minecraft
Entitled : I want new ballet shoes - no please ( just an example but she thinks she should get whatever she wants)
Went on and on about wanting a new bike . I got one for her . She rode it a couple of times and now wont use it even to go for a bike ride with us .

I sound a horrible person but I honestly have tried but I find it exhausting and draining to be around them both because she is like the above and my partner just thinks I am being horrible if I gently bring these things up.
I dread weekends and weekdays she is with us and holidays make me want to cry.

The worse is I don't know if it isn't my problem not them at all .

Your DP sounds like a shit parent. Will the ex talk to you? The incident with the scissors is very worrying - maybe he can get some help for her it your DP won’t.

Everything you mention about her is damming. If she doesn't pick up on it yet, she will very soon.

From what you say, I wondered if she might have some learning difficulties.

In any case, what do you expect? You clearly don't like the girl and even if her mum changed her ways to raise her exactly as you think she should, which is unlikely if she hasn't made much changes yet, she's not going to turn into the child you hope she was any time soon.

You need to accept that your relationship is doomed. Things will only get worse

@Magda72

Hmmmm - tbh op your dp sounds like a pretty disengaged parent. This in itself might neither be here nor there as we all parent differently & disengaged does not always mean uncaring. However this coupled with the lack of boundaries regarding her daughters manners spells trouble & when you combine it with her attitude to you it spells disaster - imo. 3 years in and your dp is still refusing to listen to your concerns & distress - sounds like a very one sided relationship to me. What are you 'getting' out of this?

I agree with this.

It really jumped out when you said your DP doesn’t spend much time of have much patience with her DD. That’s really sad. Do they have much 1:1 time? Do anything special, together? Does DSD have a good bedtime routine with her mum?

The manners, the sleepover, the scissors all sound worrying and your DP’s defensive resistance to any question or change, is only going make things harder, especially during teen years. Can you imagine another 8 years of this?