DSD on mood stabilisers

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DSD is 16 and has had a hell of a year. She had a bf who was very controlling and older than her and got her into smoking, drinking and weed (and other things). He dumped her last year and she fell apart (although we were relieved) she started self harming, although not deep cutting, more light scratching . She has had counselling but didn't like the counsellor so stopped it and now her Mum has got her some mood stabilisers from the GP. She started seeing a nice boy before lockdown but he has now finished with her just as they would have been able to see each other and she has fallen apart again.

Her Mum has been to the docs and upped the dose but she is still drinking a lot and is out of control.

My opinion is that filling her with pills isn't the answer but she should see someone (CAMHS were involved pre lockdown but not since)
But I'm just her Stepmum and DHs ex wife knows best about everything apparently
Does anyone else have any experience of this?

Have you talked to her father - you know your husband?

That's the *only" person you need to talk to.

He then needs to talk to his child himself alone. Her reliance on boyfriends indicates he hasn't been a very attentive father when she was growing up for one reason or another.

At 16 she is at the point where her healthcare including her mental healthcare is virtually all up to her. So if she refuses to see another counsellor or take her medication there is nothing your husband or her mother can do.

Also be aware that some GPs won't entertain her mother getting the pills for her or allow her mother into the appointments as she is 16.

Of course I have talked to him. It seems like that's all we talk about at the moment.
He has talked to her alone, with me and with her Mum. .

You are wrong to assume from my post that it is all DH's fault! If anything her reliance on boyfriends has nothing to do with my DH, but more to do with the fact her Mum has had a string of men in her life over the years and every time she gets attached to one, he is off and then the next one comes along. She even got told to call some of them 'Dad'. DH has always been an attentive father, he adores her and they used to have a great relationship before puberty and hormones kicked in. We have been together for 11 years since she was just a little girl (and before you go assuming again, I wasn't the OW and his ex had the affair and left him when she was 2!!)

A 16 year old can make up her own mind, with the help of a GP, whether she thinks ADs are a sensible treatment option or not.

That is irrespective of your opinions about "filling her with pills" (is that opinion about medication reserved specifically for MH treatment?), her mother's opinions, or anyone else's.

I'm not against anti depressants if they are needed. I've taken them myself in the past.
I suppose I'm not being clear. I just worry that with hormones and the problems she is having that upping her medicating isn't the answer. Especially as she is drinking heavily and smoking weed. It's a strong concoction.
Maybe this isn't the right place for advice. I thought the step-parenting board was a friendlier place than this but I haven't been on here for a while.
Nveve mind

You sound lovely and caring :) I have no advice unfortunately as we haven't been through this but I guess all you can do is support the decisions made by the parents- at 16 and given her history I wouldn't be letting her have full control if she was my daughter but well done for stepping up and being there for her even if you only are 'step mum' :) x

Is she on a mood stabiliser like Lithium or an anti-depressant like Prozac? If she's on a mood stabiliser then she's probably been diagnosed with something like bipolar and should be under the care of a psychiatrist.

Smoking weed and drinking won't help with the meds but I don't know how you can stop someone who's old enough to get a job from using it- especially when her mum might not have the same attitude towards weed and drink that you do.

Trauma based psychotherapy sounds like it may be useful in this situation

Wow, blame the mum for the girl's problems then blame the mum for getting her prescribed mood stabilisers and then upping the dose. You do know that mums can't just demand 16 year olds be given a medication and it just happens. The GP has examined her and decided it would be appropriate. Have you asked your DSD to ask for talking therapy? Have you looked into private therapy options since the NHS is often lacking here.

Are you sure it is mood stabilisers that have been prescribed and not antidepressantd.

In my experience you have to go through Camhs for all medication for under 18s, with the exception being some g.ps will prescribe beta blockers or similar for anxiety.
Are you sure she is not under camhs or a psychiatrist?

@Songbird232018 thank you.

She has been assessed and they said it is not bipolar. More likely anxiety related.
She was being seen by CAMHS but they signed her off and said there was nothing else they could do. They recommended counselling. We paid for this privately as their waiting list was so long but she didn't like it and stopped going.
Her mum called camhs again to get her back on their waiting list before the lockdown so maybe that is why the GP could prescribe them.

I don't know exactly what she takes but it's not lithium or Prozac.
It's not about having a go at her mum. I don't agree with a lot of what she does but I'm just worried for DSD.

I do understand your concerns.

I find it unlikely a GP would start a prescription for mood stabilisers. I am an adult who takes them and my GP won't even change the dose without the consent of a psychiatrist, it's far more likely to be an antidepressant.

Unfortunately, CAMHS let a lot of kids down, she can't be forced to have counselling without her consent and it is hard to watch kids in a bad place and feel helpless to act.

You don’t know what she’s taking but you call them mood stabilisers. You don’t even know what the medication is! At 16 she would have to see a psychiatrist via CAMHS to get this sort of medication and her opinions would count in the process. There is no way her mum could just go to the GP and demand pills. CAMHS is still holding appointments via phone.

You do seem to be blaming her mum. It’s very hard being a teenage girl these days and she will need support from everyone, not judgement. Self-harm and depression seem to be par for the course. The best you could do is try to help get her off the weed and booze rather than criticise prescribed medication. The thing about anti-depressants is they appear to carry a lot of stigma but they do work!

her Mum has got her some mood stabilisers from the GP.

Her Mum has been to the docs and upped the dose

My opinion is that filling her with pills isn't the answer

I'm just her Stepmum and DHs ex wife knows best about everything apparently

Reading back, can you see how this looks like your blaming her mum? Rven though you say this is not the case.

A doctor will not give medication on the say so of a parent without carrying out an assessment.

Neither would they just up the dose, which you also seen to infer is down to her mum.

She should try another counsellor, but I wonder what it was she didn't like about the last one.

She clearly has some issues to work through and finding a counsellor she can relate to and build trust in.

That way they can work through things and hopefully get closer to the underlying issues.

As someone who has had treatment for anxiety disorder plus has had a child go through CAMHS can I suggest/point out the following:_

If an anxiety/panic disorder or depression is diagnosed, medication to manage the symptoms is often prescribed whilst an appropriate course of psychotherapy is undertaken. Its very difficult to treat the problem whilst the person is experiencing the symptoms (you wouldn't have a broken leg reset without hefty pain relief would you?) but most decent GP's would not look to this being a long term solution, especially for someone so young.

Traditional 'sit down and tell me about your childhood' type counselling doesn't work for everyone. There are also various types of counsellors who employ different techniques so get DH to find out what she didn't like about the first and see if an alternative approach could be used.

CAMHS often has a very long waitlist and if she had only just been referred before lockdown she may well be waiting a while yet to be seen. Plus, tbh, CAMHS can sometimes have a very strict criteria so they may say refer to GP for medication and local counselling service for psychological support.

It may be worthwhile looking into local young adults services that can offer support / advice. My eldest had some sessions with a peer supporter - someone who was only a few years older than him - he was more willing to do this than sit with a 'stuffy old counsellor who didn't understand him'

The drinking and smoking weed whilst taking medication is a concern - alcohol and weed are depressives so would counteract the benefits of most medications.

The only other thing is - you obviously care for this girl which is wonderful but unfortunately there is little you can do yourself. When my DSS was having some difficulties I couldn't talk to the school or anything about it, despite the fact my DP has full custody and his ex has virtually nothing to do with her son. Best you can do is give DP info and let DSD know you're there for her.

Good luck and I hope she gets some appropriate support.

I'm just her Stepmum and DHs ex wife knows best about everything apparently

Yes, it is inconceivable that her mother knows nothing about her own child and what might be going on for her?

It's not about having a go at her mum. I don't agree with a lot of what she does but I'm just worried for DSD

And yet you’ve had a go at mum. Mum I am sure is doing what she thinks is best. How about working with that rather than against it? Parents at odds with each other can only really make a situation like this more difficult for a struggling teen to handle.

Firstly I have forgotten the name of her medication. I know that they are mood stabilisers. It seems that some posters don't believe me but why on earth would I lie? I agree that they should be used alongside other therapy but in her case it seems that now she has the pills nothing else is being done now that she refuses counselling and obviously the drink and weed are not helping.
I didn't post on here just to slate her Mum. However it looks. We actually get on quite well most of the time. I know she does her best but I personally wouldn't handle a lot of things the way she has and it's frustrating. Don't a lot of step mums feel like this? We are expected to be involved in the children's lives, we grow to love them and ultimately want the best for them but can't express any opinion that differs from their Mum"s.
At the end of the day we all love her and want to help her before anything terrible happens to her.

Fluoxetine (Prozac) is the only licenced medication for under 18s and is an anti depressant. So it's very likely that is what she is on. If she is on an actual mood stabiliser, then I would very surprises as Psychs don't even like giving teenagers Fluoxetine, let alone anything else.

Her care team need to know about the weed and drinking. She also needs a talking therapy.

You don't seem to know very much about what is actually happening in terms of her treatment.

@HigherFurtherFasterBaby well clearly you know more than I do!!!
I don't go to her appointments. I'm only her step mum so forgive me for forgetting the name of the actual drug. I was told they are mood stabilisers.
Whatever tablets she is on she is not having any other support and is drinking and smoking that is my concern. I came here for advice not to be cross examined.
I will seek it elsewhere as Mumsnet obviously isn't the place for Help and advice that it used to be.

People can't help you if you don't provide the correct information.

Well some people have managed it!

Sorry OP - it's just that there are a couple of people in my life who are very anti ADs and have at times tried to pressure other people in my life to stop taking their medication, and they talk about "filling with pills" etc - I have a very negative view of that phrase.

As PPs have said, they are very unlikely to be "mood stabilisers" if they are prescribed by a GP to an u18 - much more likely to be an antidepressant. I didn't appreciate that these were different things before I was on them so perhaps DSD or her mum (whoever has told you) has used that phrase to describe something to stabilize her mood (an AD) rather than what a doctor would describe as a "mood stabiliser" (generally something prescribed to people with bipolar or similar diagnosis).

The trouble is she probably isn't allowing her medication to work effectively if she's using weed and alcohol a lot alongside it. She is probably doing this to self medicate, but she will be making it worse by doing so.

Do you think there's any way you could persuade her to go back to a different counsellor/therapist? I'm not sure if the previous one was NHS, if so it may not be so simple to just get someone else but if you can afford to go private there are likely to be lots of options to find someone she clicks with.

@beautifulxdisasters I'm sorry if I offended you. It was unintentional. I have absolutely nothing against antidepressants but in DSDs case I really don't think they are the answer.

I was told they are mood stabilisers and to be honest I don't really know the difference so I'm probably wrong.
The counsellor she saw was private but DSD just didn't connect with her. I don't know why. She just said she didn't like it and didn't want to go anymore. During lockdown they could only offer online counselling and she flat out refused to even consider that. Maybe when she goes back to school we can get someone to see her there.
I hate seeing her so unhappy and wish I had a magic wand which could fix everything for her

Where is she getting the alcohol, drugs and cigarettes from at 16? Surely in lockdown she would have had access to them, can you find the source and work with mum to cut it off?

I think I kind of understand you regarding the medication she’s on drugs aren’t a fix all and rarely work well alone talking therapy would be ideal alongside them but it sounds like she is resistant to that idea and unfortunately you can’t force it. Trauma therapy sounds like it would work wonders for her though, could you figure out what went wrong with the first counsellor/therapist and see if she’s open to trying again with someone of her choosing?

no access to them even!

GPs cannot and do not prescribe mood stabilizers. They are specialised drugs-unlike standard antidepressants-which require monitoring and prescribing by a psychiatrist and are prescribed for severe mental illness. This is usually for bipolar although some psychs use lower doses to manage the mood swings of borderline personality disorder.