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Thread for happy step families!

14 replies

Flappergasted · 08/08/2020 18:02

Thread to share those of us in happy, functional, ordinary, loving step and blended families. Five children between us and genuinely a bloody good set up. I love my DSS like my own and my STBH feels the same about my four. It hasn't been easy. His ex... Is difficult.. But we are experts at grey rocking and she has minimal impact on our lives. Just a thread to raise a glass to the happy, messy, normal families step /blended/whatever!

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bogoffmda · 08/08/2020 23:11

It does work - luckily no toxic Exs on either side after a fairly rocky time with my EXs OW who made life hell for the DCS.

We are now calm - 3 his, 2 mine. 2 I get on really well, 1 is cordial and occasionally fab. My 2 love the older sibs, are testing their testosterone with DP who gets it and manages it very weel. No real aggro and genuinely comfortable bar the usual family dramas.

So much better than before - lot of give and take and not half the dramas you see on here.

AllForeverAtOnce · 09/08/2020 09:22

It is also working for us, step daughters have fully accepted me and we all get on really well.
Both sides of our families have accepted everyone.
I have two of my own and they very rarely argue or fall out.
My two love my dp.
The ex wife doesn't like me but that's more because she is sad about her marriage not working out.
Even when she did try and say that she didn't want me around her kids my dp put his foot down and nipped that in the bud.
I have resisted all the advice on here you get as a stepmum and I have stepped in so all the kids see us as a unit, and we treat everyone fairly and me and dp treat both sets of kids like they are our own, we just do what come naturally and it works. It doesn't make sense to treat it as two separate families if that's not what you are aiming for.

And yes shock horror, the kids don't always come first.
Their needs yes, their wants no. Different times and situation-different priorities.
We have our ups and downs but most families do, what counts is how you deal with them together not who is related to who.

Although I must warn you the last time someone tried to do a post like this, posters came on saying things like "it doesn't work" "it didn't work for me" " there's no such thing as a happy blended family"
And the negative attitudes took over.

spinqueen50 · 10/08/2020 07:54

Very telling that there are only three posts on this thread....

Sayitaintsoiwillnotgo · 10/08/2020 10:16

Not telling at all. In the real world there are many happy stories. My Dad took on my two brothers as his own when they were 6 and 4. I came along a year later and we had a great life together as a family. I'm a stepmum to DSS and our DS together and despite difficulties with DSS Mum we as a unit are great. He dotes on his little brother and he is certainly very much part of my family. My Dad sees him as his grandson (my Mum died when I was a child so has not met her grandkids). Yes it has its ups and downs but there are far more happy stories than a forum where people come to ask for advice on usually a bad or tricky situation would ever suggest.

Vauxhallvulva · 10/08/2020 15:18

@spinqueen50

Very telling that there are only three posts on this thread....
And bingo. Bitter ex wife, anyone? Grin
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 10/08/2020 15:27

Could be unhappy step-parent...just saying!

Vauxhallvulva · 10/08/2020 15:30

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Could be unhappy step-parent...just saying!
Very true!
KylieKoKo · 10/08/2020 15:43

@spinqueen50

Very telling that there are only three posts on this thread....
When I opened this I knew that despite it being a happy thread someone would be along to piss on the parade.

It works well for us and I think these are the reasons why.

DP's ex is reasonable and we get on well.

DP deals with parenting - I am not expecting to provide childcare and drudgery.
We have a nice balance of family time a couple time, as does DP's and her partner so our relationships are strong.
We all live close by and DP and his ex are flexible with each and don't use the children to score points with each so contact is relaxed and not forced - if the children fancy popping over on an unscheduled we welcome them as this is their home too.
The children and I don't see each others for rivals for their father's affection - the children have shown more emotional maturity in this regard than some posters on here who appear to be jealous of their step children
And, most importantly, the children are lovely and growing into great teenagers who I genuinely enjoy spending time with

ZigZagPlant · 10/08/2020 15:46

*And yes shock horror, the kids don't always come first.
Their needs yes, their wants no. Different times and situation-different priorities. *

I think this is so important to realise. In any family, not just blended families.

Glad you have found a good balance OP.

FlorenceTSC · 26/08/2020 10:52

Haven't been here or posted for a while, but when I saw that thread I thought that it was time for a little message.
First, THANK YOU @Flappergasted for the initiative and to all of you happy stepmums for sharing.

I am also lucky to have a great stepfamily life. I never wanted children but I'm now so grateful to have 2 amazing stepdaughters. When my husband and I talk about them, we simply call them "our girls" because there is no difference to me. You don't need to give birth to a child to love them like a mother.

The beginnings weren't easy, dealing with his ex who was an alcoholic, aggressive (she challenged me to fight once in front of the children) and with mental health issues. Also the girls (now 13 and 11) were diagnosed with autism when they were little and you can imagine that it makes everything (every day) more challenging.

But I'm really proud of where we are now. We've come a long way. Even the relationship with the ex is good, she has turned her life around, has stopped drinking and is with a very nice guy.

Yes, it DOES happen and it IS possible.
Well done to all of you! Wink

TOFO1965 · 28/08/2020 19:07

This is lovely to read, utterly not my story, but I'm so glad it's possible for some!

Beamur · 28/08/2020 19:11

Pretty happy here too. I have 2 SC's and 1 DD. DH's ex is a nice person, all parts of the family have accepted each other. No wrangles around money or access.
Not always easy, but no major issues.

JustALonelyApple · 29/08/2020 18:16

Meh, ours is pretty good. Do I wonder if life would be easier without DSC? Yes. But we don't have any major problems and we all get on well. No nasty exes or anything. I can't complain.

I don't love them like my own though, not sure why they are good kids but I just don't and I doubt I ever will.

ChickenFriedFudge · 30/08/2020 17:22

I love the Sk's. I hate the ex wife, she's a vile, lazy woman who has bought nothing but pain into my life.
BUT it's a small price to pay for the kids. Some of my worst laughing fits have been with them!

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