Hi all, this is my first post.
I guess I've always relied on therapy to talk thorugh issues, but never really reached out and asked for advice, coping mechanisms and strategies from like-minded step parents in similar situations. I guess I'm worn out too, so I may just need this to vent and write down my upset.
I'm a step-parent to two boys one almost 13 one almost 15. The almost 15 year old, I've always had a great relationship with. The almost 13 year old has never liked me. And he never fails to show me that he despises me.
I met his dad almost 10 years ago - so I've known him since he was 3 years old. I've provided, bought clothes when they have been sent with nothing, bathed, taken out, homework, school projects - everything I would do for my own little boy who is 3.
I remember way back when he was three years old and I had a great time with him for the first few times that I met him with his Dad. I remember the first Christmas that he spent with us and he would come into the kitchen and tell me that I was the reason that his mum and dad aren't together (I wasn't, but, I understand that its natural for a child to want their parents to be together and they make make assumptions and speculations to make sense in their little heads) and that I should 'get out' because I 'was not wanted'.
Since then, he has shown his dislike for me. Whatever I do, he lets me know its not good enough. I'll give an example, (this is not the most severe, but it happened yesterday so is fresh in my mind) he hates vegetables, he moans at me when I provide a healthy meal, but equally will grate on me if we're having a rubbish food evening that there isn't enough vegetables on his plate.
Even now, at 12 years old , he will orchestrate the table seating plan so that I'm sitting as far away from him as possible. I understand that younger children do this, but I'm wondering if this will ever stop.
A few nights ago, we were talking about jobs and opportunities to develop professionaly when he's an adult. We spoke about larger organisations providing traning for him whilst he learnt on the job. He made this sweeping proclamation that he would accept the paid for training if he didn't like his employer because they'd be spending all their money on him and he just wouldn't do the training to spite them'. I was slightly shocked, my husband didn't say anything, and neither did I as if I say anything that opposes his views, he contacts his mum and she then contacts my husband to say thet he should be allowed to express his views and that I am crushing his views.
I'm exhausted, I woke up crying this morning and my husband has suggested that need to take anti-depressants to help - like they solve the problem. My husband has returned to work having been on furlough, and I'm on summer holidays from school.
My husband is very understanding of his son having behavioural issues, both in and out of school; everywhere we take him (SS, not husband) , community sports clubs, lessons, there are complaints about his attitude, et cetera, but no one seems to want to help him get any help. His mum smashes up his x-box when he gives her attitude and throws it out of the window, before rewarding him with a new x-box once his attitude has improved.
My husband is scared of never seeing his child again given previous circumstances through the court where his ex took him to court to stop him from seeing his kids, but was instead rewarded with a court order because of difficulty he'd had in accessing his children in direct contact and via the phone.
I'm sorry, I've quickly re-read through, and I'm all over the place. I'm sorry for going on so much, I just don't know where else to turn.
Thanks for reading.
C