Don't understand what's brought this on

[FizzyMess]

My partner has a 14year old daughter, he has her every other Weekend (mother and daughter moved up north years ago so difficult to get to every weekend with work schedules).
We are meant to be having her this weekend however when her mother told her she started crying and said she didn't want to come.
This has come as a complete shock to us. The last time we saw her it was rainy so spent the day watching Films and playing games (she loves twilight). There was no issues as far as we are both concerned.
She is quite young headed for her age and if it's something simple like she doesn't want to miss out on what's going on at home (she has 4 younger siblings) then that's fine. But the fact she is crying about it makes us think we have really missed something and panicked us a little bit. Her mother has told her she's coming whether she likes it or not, whilst we appreciate this we don't want to force her and then begrudge us.
I really do think it's something tiny and with her being young headed she's blown it out of proportion a little bit, possibly looking for attention as well with being one of 5. Her siblings are all a lot younger then her so don't think she gets much at home.
Anyone come across something similar or dealt with a child who is rather young headed before? She does throw quite a few strops and mood swings (more at her mums then ours) that seem to come from absolutely nowhere. We don't know whether it's worth her talking to someone?

Or is she just being a teenager!? god knows I was a pain in the arse!

My son used to go to his dads in London EOW (we are in the E. Mids). He got to about 13/14 and whinge and whine about having to go. I think that's just the age that it starts to dwindle tbh.

He's nearly 18 now and tends to call or FaceTime his dad and meets up with him a few times a year. It's just part of growing up I think, although the age that it happens varies wildly.

Did her mum not think of asking her why she didn't want to go rather than just saying 'you're going, like it or not'?? Not handled very well by her really.

I mean it could just be as simple as doesnt fancy the drive, worried about being car sick or something. Something going on with friends at home etc. If theres a bit of a distance between the two sets of parents its a lot of effort every other weekend - not saying it shouldnt be made but it coupd feel like that to an emotional teenager

Someone needs to ask her really, its impossible to say but assuming you arent aware of any issues I wouldnt worry too much just yet

Ask her why she doesn't want to come. She's 14 not 4 so she has a right to chose and to justify that choice.

There’s also covid and lockdown to factor in as a big unknown - it’s caused all sorts of disruption to everyone and if you live in or near an area that’s been mentioned on the news as potentially high risk or just general talk of an impending second wave or even just the thought of going outside away from the rest of her family might be enough to scare or worry her.

(And given how much misinformation and dodgy stats there are floating around she could have heard anything! I live in a low risk area that was flagged as a high risk area because 2 cases in a week had jumped to 4 cases so 100% increase whereas other areas that had 20 cases jumping to 30 cases were seen as much lower risk as only 50% rise - stats can be dangerous when wielded and created by those who don’t understand them!)

Friends become central in the lives of teens at that age and no way would I have agreed to travel up and down for weekends when I was 14.

But I had two significant hobbies that I did at weekends, it would have torn my life apart.

For whose benefit are these trips? Is it time to be more ad hoc: going on holidays, coming for a particular family event, and lots of Zoom in the meantime?
Maybe she feels insecure that her Mum ‘banishes’ her and then spends time with her siblings.

It is a hard hard age.

Don’t expect consistency, either, as she veers from overgrown child to undercooked young adult and back again.

Plus hormones.

Plus is she the only one in the mix whose parents live apart? All her half siblings live f/t with both parents?

Listen and empathise.

Thanks all. DP actually travels up north and stays there with her to save the journey.
Totally agree that she should just be told she has to come, problem is she won't tell us or her mother why she was crying. DP is going to have a quiet soft word with her on the weekend. She's not decided she wanted to come and drew my DP a picture to say sorry of her and him, again kind of leads back to young headed aspects. Tried to ask why she felt like she didn't want to come and it wasn't a big deal if she doesn't we just need to know why because she was coming. She just keeps responding that she doesn't know and she was just being a pain for her.
Hopefully my DP can get to the bottom of it this weekend.

We've had this before OP, both ways round. Crying when coming to us, crying when going back to mum. The youngest hid once when his mum came to collect him 😂

There's never anything sinister about it, just in that moment they are doing something they don't want to stop doing, they are having fun, there's something going on with their friends at mums/dad's house or they just can't be bothered.

I think its fairly common every now and then. It has been in my experience anyway and it's usually forgotten by the time they get here/go to mum's.