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Holidaying with just my DC?

15 replies

HolidayHoliday2 · 04/08/2020 13:25

Some of my family live abroad and before I met DH I would often go and visit them throughout the year for a week or two and even the off long weekend. Since being with DH, I haven't been as much but have still spent the odd 5 days out there / long weekend on my own.

DH works long hours. He is self employed and rarely has time to take a decent break. We haven't been on holiday together in years.

We now have a child together. DH has 2 children from his previous relationship who are older (one just turning 10 shortly and the other is 12) and in school.

Obviously right now this isn't an issue due to Covid but talking about the future, I cannot afford to pay for all of the children to go with me during the school holidays. Due to the size of my families house, all of us going would mean having to pay for accomodation as we couldn't all fit in my families home and DH can't/won't take the time off to come with us anyway.

It's never been an issue as I've always gone on my own to see them and DH has stayed here with DSC (he's only ever come out with me once for a few days when we didn't have DSC).

As our joint DC isn't in school yet, WIBU to just carry on doing what I do and take my DC over there for the odd break throughout the year on my own when it's cheaper and DH stay here with DSC? It obviously may look like my DC is getting holidays and DSC aren't but it is also about seeing and keeping in touch with family and doing so whilst it's still cheap enough whilst my DC isn't tied to schools holidays.

I'd be more than happy to go on a joint holiday if DH had the time and he paid for the majority but unfortunately I can't afford to take them on my own and I'm not sure I'd want to take all of them without DH!

Fwiw, these are my grandparents. They have visited us in the UK before so DSC have met them but not very often.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
YgritteSnow · 04/08/2020 13:26

I think it's absolutely fine Smile

user1493413286 · 04/08/2020 13:28

I think it’s fine for you to go on holiday with your DC but I wouldn’t go with DH without your DSC.

HolidayHoliday2 · 04/08/2020 13:29

@user1493413286

I think it’s fine for you to go on holiday with your DC but I wouldn’t go with DH without your DSC.
No, I wouldn't do this. I think that's definitely different.

We did go on our own (before our DC) but was only for a couple of days and was more so because family was ill at the time. DSC weren't due to stay with us those days do we flew over for the weekend. But other than that it's only ever been me on my own going.

OP posts:
chocolatesaltyballs22 · 04/08/2020 13:31

Absolutely fine. You shouldn't have to pay for his kids to go on holiday and he won't be going with you anyway, so definitely no obligation to take his kids.

HolidayHoliday2 · 04/08/2020 13:33

Thanks. I just don't want it to look like my DC is getting loads of holidays when they aren't. It's just so much more expensive in the holidays and not taking my DC would mean them barely seeing my grandparents. I'm really close to them, lived with them before they moved etc.. so it's important to me.

OP posts:
MorningNinja · 04/08/2020 13:34

No problem at all.

I'd also go out there and visit with my DH without the DSC too and take advantage of this whilst your DC is not tied to school holidays.

HolidayHoliday2 · 04/08/2020 13:35

Tbf DH probably could put together enough for a joint holiday if he wanted to but he's so busy with work it just isn't his priority and I've given up pushing it now. Probably because I know I can go out there whenever so it's never been a huge deal to me.

OP posts:
SpongebobNoPants · 04/08/2020 13:49

I think it’s absolutely fine. Don’t your SCs ever go on holiday with their own mum?

Thistly · 04/08/2020 13:49

It’s not really a holiday though, is it? It’s a family visit.

Are you going to a set up where your family are just going to pamper you and let you have a holiday anyway?
My experience of visiting family abroad is that quite often we were helping them do stuff - bureaucratic/ practical.

I often take my kids off to visit family in the uk without my dp anyhow. It’s great as he has the opportunity to miss us.

aSofaNearYou · 04/08/2020 14:01

Of course it's not a problem for you to visit your family with your child, I find it a bit annoying that that's even a question, tbh. I also think it's important that you don't end up in a system where your DH never does anything with you or your DC when the step children aren't there. Assuming a 50/50 or less contact arrangement, it's not realistic and shouldn't be that way, and it is very sad for your DC.

HolidayHoliday2 · 04/08/2020 14:05

@SpongebobNoPants

I think it’s absolutely fine. Don’t your SCs ever go on holiday with their own mum?
Yes they do. We don't really take them anywhere though which I find sad but there's nothing I can do unless DH steps up on that front.

And yes it is more seeing family however it definitely still feels like a holiday to me, more so when I go for longer periods of time. We usually spend a lot of time at the beach, by the pool, having meals out etc... Especially if we go for a longer period of time. I've been with friends before too and done our own thing etc... So my grandparents definitely let me 'holiday' when there.

OP posts:
RedRumTheHorse · 04/08/2020 14:11

And yes it is more seeing family however it definitely still feels like a holiday to me, more so when I go for longer periods of time.

To avoid any issues with anyone being jealous sell it as seeing your family not a holiday.

Lipz · 04/08/2020 14:16

I think it would be fine bringing your child away. If your dh is not going then no don't take your stepchildren, it would be different if he was going too. Also it's very tricky bringing children away that are not yours without the parent being present. I brought a niece away and we had to have birth certs, letter from both parents, signed by the gardai , it was so messy. Every check we were questioned on the different names and having to explain with all the paper work that she was our niece

ChickenFriedFudge · 04/08/2020 15:02

It's honestly fine either way. The Stepkids no doubt have holidays with just their mum, yours doesn't.

Giespeace · 04/08/2020 15:07

Would your DSC be desperately sorry to have missed the chance to spend time with your family?
Do your DSC see their family on their mums side without your DC in attendance?
Do they miss out on experiences with their mum to make it fair on your DC?
Does it make a difference to your DSC if their DF visits his in laws or not?
🤔

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