Husband Is a Tattler

[Tiredoftattler]

My husband of 6 months is a tattler. He will text or call me to say that my 15 year old has rolled her eyes at him or rudely grunted a response.
We each have 2 bios (2 boys aged 7 and 9 and 2 girls both 15). Both 15 year old girls are typical trend and have their moments.
His15 year old sometimes rolls her eyes at me, but I either ignore it or address the issue with her.

I get along well with his kids and the kids get along well together.
I would never dream of bothering my husband with such petty issues that I as an adult am equipped to handle. I find it annoying to have a grown man 'tell on kids"particularly about petty issues that he as an adult should be capable of handling.
Both girls are politely responsive when I bother to address these minor issues with them, and both girls are able to babysit the boys and handle whatever issues that arise without reporting them to either myself or my husband.

My husband is the only member of the household who seems to have the need to tattle and report.

This does not happen often ,but it is annoying to receive a text messages or call about such insignificant issues.

He says that he wants us to be on the same page and have each other's back. I assume that as adults we are both capable of handling children in an appropriate manner. I do not require him to have my back when dealing with e other his or my kids; this is a task that I am more than equipped to handle. I would like to think that he is also equally capable of doing the same.

I have discussed this with him, and yet he continues to " tattle. " I am finding this to be a very off putting characteristic. I do not find this to be at all indicative of adult behavior.

We get along well in all other arenas. I never object to or disagree with anything that he says to any of the kids ; nor do I in anyway undermine his authority.

I am at a loss as to how to make him act more like the adult in control.

How strange! How long were you together before marrying? We're you living together?

Just tell him to stop! It would drive me potty.

Inform your husband that you only want to know if one of the children has set the house on fire or taken an axe to one of them, in which case he should call emergency services before calling you.

Or else don't answer your 'phone.

I'm surprised you've only noticed this now.

Tattlers tend to be snidey in other ways too.

Do all 4 kids live with you, or is it just your 2 and his 2 EOW

Both sets of kids are 50/50, and they are all there at the same time. The kids are not an issue. They all behave in an age typical manner. The kids get along well together with only the kind of expected sibling like squabbles.

My husband had no siblings growing up and as such he had no real opportunity to observe teen age girl behavior. I am certain that as a teenager , I rolled my eyes at my parents on some occasions, but neither of my parents would have felt compelled to notify the other parent. They simply responded in the moment and moved on to whatever they were doing.

Both ex's manage the kids in their respective homes ,and they do not make reports about trivia to us. No problems on that front.

My real issue is making him understand that he is free to respond to the situation , and that if he chooses not to respond that I have no interest in being involved .

None of the kids present any real issues in the household, and I feel blessed that things run as smoothly as they do.

I think that we should be a partnership of 2 loving but equally competent adults. I do not tolerate tale telling among the kids , and it is difficult to understand it with an adult.

My go to response to the kids when they have issues is to first ask "what did yo do to both create and then resolve the issue?" Knowing my expectations , the kids typically resolve their minor issues without ever involving me. I want them to become independent thinkers and competent problem solvers as they grow up. I have the same expectations of the people who work for me.

I never expected my husband to be so inept in this regard. I love him very much , but I find this aspect of his behavior to be annoying. This is behavior that I would have expected from a very young child not from a grown man particularly from one who has to supervise many employees.

Remind him his age and point out you could not possibly find such teenage behaviour an attractive quality..
Or indeed be sexually attracted to such a man.

When dh gets grumpy I comment he is getting like his df and I won't be having sex any time soon!!
Soon jolts him out of it!!

Send him the same text every. single. time he does it.

'Tell tale tit,
Your tongue shall be slit
And no your wife will not want
To sleep with you one bit!'

So cute and sadly becoming so true.

Not to be devil's advocate but are you sure he isn't just the kind of person who likes a debrief? You mentioned he does that kind of thing in his job, and I've known many people be like this and am not unlike it myself. It all depends on his tone and intention, of course, but I can see how it could be misconstrued by someone who is not that way inclined at all, like yourself.

To be honest it sounds like youre 15 year old is disrespectful, I never disrespected adults at that age, saying its normal teenage behaviour isn't a grt out of jail free card, teenagers should be respectful.

Both girls have on rare occasion rolled their eyes when I have said something . I simply address the matter at the moment and moved on to other things.
Neither of the girls is disrespectful, both are very good students, active in school activities, have leadership roles in student organizations and are well liked by teachers and peers.

Neither is perfect but I do not know a single person who would describe either as disrespectful or rude.

If my husband were to view any behavior as disrespectful (and perhaps he does) there is nothing that prevents him from addressing the situation in the moment - after all he is the adult in charge. In the instances where I have felt the need to address the behavior of either girl, I have spoken directly to them and between us we have resolved the matter. I would never need to involve my husband in such situations. Indeed, I would think that the need to involve my husband in such situations would serve to suggest to the kids that I lack the ability / authority/know how to handle such matters.

I do not question or undermine in any way my husband's authority in the household. I just wish that he would exert his authority ( if he feels disrespected) and not feel the need to "tell on the kids."

I do not want to suggest that these are frequent occurrences, but it is annoying to me when it does occur. Unlike the kids, I do not roll my eyes , but I do have to stifle the impulse to not scream "please grow up and handle the situation like the adult that you are."

Both of us are decisive and capable decision makers in other areas. I just so dislike this particular response.

When I mentioned this to him, he has said that he needs to know "that I have his back." Given that I never object to or undermine anything he says to the kids, I do not know what other support he could possibly expect.
We have a household with 4 kids and demanding jobs. My feelings are that neither of us should bother or burden the other with minor issues that we are more than capable of handling.

I have too much self respect and too much regard for him to ever bother him with insignificant matters that I can handle and that his day is in no way enhanced by bothering him with such trivia.

My husband used to do this until I pointed out to him that if he couldn't control his facial expressions and telling tales then how did he is expect the kids to. Then pointed out every single time he did it, soon stopped.

Years later we were giggling about it and he said that he just wanted to fill me in on everything but got why I did not want or need a running commentary when I started doing it to him.

I agree with aSofa, maybe just ask him why he feels the need to tell you and how it makes you feel and see if that is enough to get him to realise.