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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Bedroom allocation

30 replies

badgerread · 01/08/2020 13:38

So.

Five bedroom house. Four doubles, one single.

4 boys aged 17, 16, 15 and 11.

17 and 15 year old live in the house 50% and have their own bedrooms at DM's the other 50%.

16 and 11 live full time in the house (DF sadly passed away last year)

Who has the single bedroom?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AliceinBunnyland · 01/08/2020 13:49

Depends on who gets along with who

Who might need the single room more. Usually I would say eldest but he is only there 50% so I might say the 16 yo

ThatBitch · 01/08/2020 13:51

I would say 17 yo. They are only there part time and tend to have less 'stuff' - toiletries, electronics and gadgets? I'm not a step parent though so don't understand all the politics. I think they are all old enough to have a sensible conversation with about it.

AliceinBunnyland · 01/08/2020 13:51

Oh hang on, sorry. You are not asking who should share. They will all have their own room but only one will have a small room?

Similar answer - I would say youngest. He lives there full time but I'm wondering whether this matters as I don't know what set up the other two have at their other parent's house.

You must have some instinct, knowing them all?

AliceinBunnyland · 01/08/2020 13:52

17 yo likely to move out / go to uni soon?

There are lots of factors OP

Doyoumind · 01/08/2020 13:53

I would say the oldest gets the single as they are more likely to leave sooner and they are only there 50% of the time.

myrtleWilson · 01/08/2020 13:55

Isn't the OP included in the bedroom allocation too as its described as 5 bedroom house - 4 boys plus OP - 5 for the 5 bedrooms

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 01/08/2020 13:56

With the 17&15yos, who has the bigger bedroom at their DMs? I would be very tempted to do the opposite.

Everything else being equal, 1 would say 17yo, esp if the room is big enough for a double/small double bed. I would make sure they get priority on another study area in the house if they need it.

myrtleWilson · 01/08/2020 13:57

Sorry - ignore me!

user1493413286 · 01/08/2020 14:02

Two children who live there full time get a double, obviously adults get a double.
17 and 15 year old agree (with parents) some way to decide who has the single and double; maybe make it light hearted and they have a game of something to decide and agree that if the 17 year old gets the double then once he moves out his sibling can have it

TJ17 · 01/08/2020 14:10

Have you asked them yet? Maybe one wouldn't mind the single?

Who's got the least stuff and therefore needs the least space?

Also, not sure how open you are for having girlfriends to stay but I'd say the older ones should get the doubles for this reason.

Lastly maybe do names in a hat.

MeridianB · 01/08/2020 14:42

17yo, for the reasons others have mentioned.

ispepsiokay · 01/08/2020 14:54

I'm waiting for the suggestions that OP and her partner should take the single room so none of the 'children' feel put out.

Soontobe60 · 01/08/2020 15:04

I'd say sit down with all of them and ask what they think!
If I were deciding, I'd go for bigger rooms for those who live there full time, single room for the youngest of the other two (with a move to the bigger room if the other one goes to Uni)

ifoundafoxcaughtbydogs · 01/08/2020 15:06

I think whichever one of them has the bigger bedroom in the other house, getting the single at yours seems very fair.

SnuggyBuggy · 01/08/2020 15:07

Could the one who gets the single have some storage space in one of the other bedrooms?

golddustwomen · 01/08/2020 15:08

I would say the 16 year old. 16 and 11 is a big gap to be sharing rooms if they don't actually need too.

Original poster

badgerread · 01/08/2020 15:14

Thanks for all the replies.

My thoughts are that the 16 and 11 year old have a double each as it is their permanent and only home.

The 17 and 15 year old would only be there 50% of the time and have a bedroom each at Mum's house so I would say one of them has the single (it's not a box room but not big enough for a double plus desk etc)

OP posts:

ExtremelyBoldSquirrels · 01/08/2020 15:20

I agree that all the permanent residents of the house should get a double.

I’d just ask the 17 and 15 year old how they’d like to sort out the remaining two rooms. Give them the choice. They may come to an arrangement between themselves. And if they won’t, I’d be tempted to make them flip a coin for the double.

AliceinBunnyland · 01/08/2020 17:14

Am I right in thinking your DSs would get the big rooms and one of your DH's sons (your DSSs) should get the small room? I would probably think the same in your position but I'm wondering what your DH thinks as it seems you haven't thought beyond your own DC having a double room each.

negomi90 · 01/08/2020 17:24

But someone might want the single for their own reasons - eg close to the bathroom, away from noise etc.
Ask around first, someone might volunteer or be bargained with (eg they'll take the single but want a specific thing - x box, high bed etc - in return).

Pachelbelle · 01/08/2020 19:25

@ExtremelyBoldSquirrels has the best solution!

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 01/08/2020 23:09

The kids who live there full time should get doubles. I would then leave it to the stepkids to sort out eg who has the best room at their mum's?

We have oldest stepson (19) in our smallest room as a) he's only here two nights a week and b) he'll be back at uni in September (I hope!)

dontdisturbmenow · 02/08/2020 08:11

The eldest gets the bigger room but then exchanges the moment they are theree less than 50%. Assuming the youngest will remain 50% for a few more years.

SpongebobNoPants · 04/08/2020 13:46

We allocated rooms based on the number of nights the child will spend there.
Your DCs are there 24/7 so they get the double rooms.
If the 17yo is likely to start reducing 50/50 between houses which is common at that age, or getting to an age where they’re likely to stay at friend’s houses or with a gf some nights then the 15yo should get the bigger room.

My oldest SD definitely spends less time with us now than her younger sister as she’s out with her friends all the time and her younger sister still spends a lot of time in her room

Tiredoftattler · 04/08/2020 15:07

When we bought the house , there were enough bedrooms so that each kid could have his/her own bedroom. We had no real interest in who got which rooom, so we let the kids decide amongst themselves , who got which room.

We have found that there are fewer squabbles when they are permitted to make these kinds of decisions , and they all have to leave with the consequences of the choices that they make as a group. No one has an advantage because of age or gender, and no one can complain of favoritism.

Interestingly enough, when left to their own devices, they made the same choices that we would probably have made.

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