DS attachment issues with my partner

[Carawaycabinet]

I have two DC, 5 and 11. I've been with my partner for 3 years, although we don't live together as he has DC too so we didn't want to rush anything.

My DS5 has huge attachment issues with my DP. He talks about him all the time if he's not here (he stays maybe 3 nights a week), always wants to ring him, says he loves him etc, he even cries and clings to him when he leaves.

Does anyone else have this? In theory it's not really a 'problem' but I'm not sure it's that healthy for my DS to be so obsessed? He's a happy boy, got a good relationship with me and his actual Dad (who he sees regularly) so I can't work why he is like this.

DS' Dad has started to get cross with him as sometimes DS calls DP 'daddy'. I've explained that he shouldn't call him that and why etc, but my ex is starting to think that it's me making DS like this.

Am I worrying unnecessary here? Thank you x

That sounds tough - especially on your ex as he's probably feeling really hurt. As your DS has known your DP since he was two he's probably grown incredibly attached to him and used to having him around. I think I'd just correct your DS every time he calls your DP Daddy and remind him of his name and tell him he just has one daddy and your partner is called XYZ. It's lovely that he's got two men in his life that he loves though. How does your partner feel about him being so attached - does he encourage it? How do your partner's own children feel - do they get jealous?

My partner doesn't mind to a certain extent, he loves the cuddles and loves how much he's loved, although sometimes I think he feels a little smothered by my DS and he's just there, next to him, all the time.

I have opposite weekends with my DC to his with his DC, so our children don't spend much time together. His DC don't seem to mind how attached DS is, although I think DP does try to distance himself a little when they are around.

My ex, on the hand, is absolutely fuming about how attached my DS is

Could your DS spend a bit more time with his own dad to help them create a stronger bond? Maybe suggest to your ex that he does something really fun with him like a couple of nights camping. Is your DP younger and more fun than your ex? Perhaps it's something as simple as that. Hopefully it's just a phase and your DS will calm down a bit once he's back to school and seeing his pals more regularly.

My DS (8) was exactly the same, always asked when my DP was coming round and would sometimes cry when he wasn't. I think he liked the security of a man in the house.
DP now lives with us so it's not an issue any more, I wouldn't worry I think it's a good sign they have a good bond etc. Must be hard you not having kids on the same weekend, do you get child free time together?

@RhapsodyInRaspberry My DS spends around 8 nights a month with his Dad and due to his work he couldn't really see him much more. They have a great relationship, although he does say his Dad shouts at him sometimes and my DP doesn't, so that could be part of it. I'd like to think it is a phase but I do think it seems to be getting worse the older my DS is getting!

@Festivalgirl83 Does your DS still cling to your DP now? Even if DP stays 7 nights in a row there is no let up for him, my DS is just there next to him, all the time! It's very difficult having different weekends, we never get child free time unless I can get someone to have my DS for a few hours.

I wonder if your son just feels happier and safer when your DP is around - some people have that sort of reassuring presence. Also maybe your son picks up on the fact that your happier when your DP is there and there is a better atmosphere and he associates that with him. It actually sounds really cute but I am sure it gets a bit much at times and as you say it sounds like it's upsetting your ex - especially as five year olds are not at all tactful and he probably talks about how much he loves your DP to your ex. As someone else said, it's hopefully just a phase.

If his dad only sees him 8 time a month and he sees your DP much more...it's not surprising he's much more attached to him.

Then in that time if your DS may get shouted at, I can see his POV....although the clinging seems a bit much.