Telling DSC about pregnancy. Any suggestions/tips?

[SoundsLikeAPyramidScheme]

We are getting to the point where we are going to have to tell DSC I am pregnant.

I am concerned about one of the children. He is quite sensitive and often gets upset at the initial shock of information like this (although he quickly comes round) i.e. when his mum got a partner, when we got married etc...

We get on really, really well but I think it would be best for DH to speak to them alone first so he can reassure them that he will still love them just the same etc... I also don't want them to feel like they can't be honest with him about any concerns they have because I'm there.

He thinks we should do it together so they know we both love them and that won't change, we can reassure them and answer any questions together.

Now I do have a very good relationship with them and they may eventually seek some reassurance from me eventually but I do think their initial concern is obviously going to be their Dad which is why I think it would be best for him to have some time alone with them when they find out.

What do you think?

I think telling them together is a good idea - it is something that you are experiencing as a family, wouldn’t make sense to me for DH to do it himself to be honest!
I would make sure they know that they can talk to either of you alone (if they want) at any time if anything about it worries or upsets them though, but definitely present it as a united front and show item it’s something for all of you to be happy and excited about!
Big congratulations to you OP!!

I agree with the above. You want to go in positive, and then DH could perhaps talk to them during a quiet moment when they've had time to think about it.

I think he should tell them alone. They need to have the space to get upset snd have a cuddle with dad if they want to without getting self conscious. Then when they've had the initial suprise they can process it and you can also talk to them about it and have a hug/ get them interested.

I was the step child in this situation and mt dad told me big news in front of SM and it was horrible tbh. I felt like I didn't have the space to have a normal reaction but had to plaster a smile on my face.

I've alway encouraged my DH to tell the DSDs big news on their own so they could talk it through with their dad. Has worked much better for us (wedding plus 2 pregnancies) and they are more open than I was able to be.

I think you’re right to consider how the individual children will react. It’s a big thing and not necessarily a straightforward ‘family event’.

DH got really angry with me over telling the (S)DC about the new baby. He wanted to tell them all together ‘because it’s all one family’ (which he always claims - until it suits him otherwise). But I told my DSes (10 and 20) on their own and separately. He insisted that we both told his DC (6 and 3) together.

Thing is, telling them all together would have made it all about the DSC (because everything all together ends up being about the DSC due to their ages and personalities). My two are such different ages (from the DSC and each other) that they needed the time and space to react their own ways. DS2, in particular, tends to keep things to himself and won’t open up with an audience (but I can chat to him one-to-one and he’s much more forthcoming).