Why do they tell me? How to ask them to stop.

[Beachbeachbleach]

I get on with DP's parents. They are nice people and dote on our baby but for some unknown reason they both, separately, seem to share information about DP's ex with me. Some of it is known to DP some isn't. I don't want to know her business and I doubt she would want me to know it either. I also dread to think what they say about me to her. But I don't know how to ask them to stop without seeming rude or bitter about it. I'm often told she is part of their family (true) and in all honesty I think she is more part of their family than I am. This doesn't bother me I have my own family to see and enjoy. Any ideas?

My MIL used to talk about the crazy ex every time we saw her. After around a year of this I asked her not to, she stopped, it was that simple

Just tell them you'd rather not know as it's none of your business.

Tell them you don't think ex would like them discussing her private business.. They obviously have no loyalty to you but have to her. This should shut them up..

My MIL used to do this (and still try's).

Would spend hours talking about my OH’s EW.

At first I let it go as I didn’t want to seem impolite.

However it went on and on.....

The EW has been emotionally abusive to my OH and in his own words ‘he feels sick when he hears her name being mentioned’. I also don’t want to hear about her to chat about her.

So now, whenever MIL brings her name up I politely but firmly say I don’t want to discuss xx.

Seems to work.

Next time they bring it up, I'd say something like 'I know you mean well, but it makes me uncomfortable you talking about ex, it's not something I feel I should be hearing about' or words to that effect.

My MIL used to do this.
Used to go on and on about sending presents and cards to exW sisters too , although she Had never met them. They lived the other side of the world. Never occurred to her to send cards to my family ( not that I wanted her to ! )
After a couple of years my dear SIL had a word with her and it stopped.

My ILs used to do this. Couldn't wait to bad mouth her to me and were trying to encourage me to do the same. Turns out they were doing the same in reverse. The phrase 'if they do it with you, they'll do it to you' applies here. Assume anything you say will get passed along. I don't trust people who do this.

Thanks all. I'm seeing them tomorrow so will see if they bring her up. Hopefully not but if they do I'll just politely ask them not too. I don't think it is malicious. I think to them it is no different than talking about Great Aunt X iyswim.

Oh and I always assume they go back with what I say so I don't really comment.