Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Flip

Original poster

partner can never apologise!!!!!

17 replies

asopadosospae · 17/07/2020 09:14

Hi so does anyone else have the problem of a partner who can never apologise! It fustrates me so much! He will make mistakes that every step-family/ relationship can make like undermining me in front of his daughter for no reason or sometimes he might just make a hurtful comment that he might not have intended to be hurtful but it was... If I ever try and just say ' the way you've spoke to me/thing you've said has annoyed or upset me' he will refuse to acknowledge my feelings and instead call me something along the lines of ridiculous or crazy then make me feel bad like I am causing arguments in our relationship. does anyone else have this!?

OP posts:

Aposterhasnoname · 17/07/2020 09:18

Yup.

Divorced him 20 years ago.

ThickFast · 17/07/2020 09:19

No, that doesn’t sound good. So whenever he’s wrong he makes it hit fault somehow?

TwilightPeace · 17/07/2020 09:23

Has he always been like this?

Original poster

asopadosospae · 17/07/2020 09:44

Just tried to talk to him about it and he confirmed he thinks i'm crazy/ridiculous that I would like an apology or at least some sense of empathy or understanding. Basically his view is that i'm in the wrong for saying I'm upset by what he's said.

OP posts:

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 17/07/2020 09:46

This won’t get better. Leave before there’s nothing left of you. I talk from bitter experience.

aSofaNearYou · 17/07/2020 10:08

What did he say?

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/07/2020 11:09

He thinks you’re stupid and crazy and undermines you. No, that’s not normal or remotely okay.

Wilsonsdad · 17/07/2020 11:14

If I ever try and just say ' the way you've spoke to me/thing you've said has annoyed or upset me' he will refuse to acknowledge my feelings and instead call me something along the lines of ridiculous or crazy

That's abuse, also known as gaslighting.

Magda72 · 17/07/2020 13:31

Yup.
I also divorced him.

Magda72 · 17/07/2020 13:31

Yup.
I also divorced him.

MeridianB · 17/07/2020 17:12

Why live like this? He has problems and it’s not your job to fix them.

I wonder if he’s like this at work or saves it just for you? You deserve better.

Bluemoooon · 17/07/2020 18:33

If I ever try and just say ' the way you've spoke to me/thing you've said has annoyed or upset me
Try barking back at him 'Don't belittle me' - no one likes someone raising their voice (a bit) or being angry at them, it's v uni pleasant for whoever is on the receiving end. It sounds like you are being reasonable and it's having no effect. Snap at him , even if step d is there, if you want things to change.

SandyY2K · 17/07/2020 23:23

When you remain in these type of relationships, you serve a message that it's acceptable to behave this way and treat you as though your feelings don't matter.

Some ppl find it hard to apologise...but you can see that their behaviour is one of a person who is sorry. If you don't even get that.... then this will always be your life with him and he'll get worse with age.

copperoliver · 18/07/2020 00:11

Yes never admits mistakes and takes everything as a personal criticism.
So never apologises. X

Original poster

asopadosospae · 18/07/2020 12:11

Thanks so much for all the support guys! It was a last resort to post on here but I have finally had some clarity and honesty from him about why he reacts that way and I have some answers other than feeling that I must be going crazy! It feels good to finally have some resolution. I hope anyone else going through the same issue finds they are able to resolve it and can see a light at the end of the tunnel. If we were all taught we shouldn't be ashamed to be honest the world would be a better place!

OP posts:

sassbott · 18/07/2020 14:33

Respect in any relationship (friends, intimate etc) is formed on communication, listening and empathy. If someone says to me ‘you did xyz and it upset me’ my immediate response is to apologise. Why wouldn’t I? I would never intentionally upset someone and if I inadvertently do it costs me nothing to apologise.

I have met people like this (the ones who refuse to apologise) and they are exceptionally damaged people. I would question if this is someone you want to be in a relationship with. Because they will never be wrong, you always will be.

HardToDanceWithTheDevilOnYourB · 21/07/2020 12:35

Emotional abuse! RUN!

Save yourself!

You'll also be doing what's best for your step-child... they see him emotionally abusing you and you putting up with it, this normalises emotional abuse and they will expect to behave/be treated the same way by their future partners. They need to know its not ok and not normal. You can show that by saying "I will not be treated badly!" and walking away.

Flip