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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Only non-nuclear family

16 replies

Pearsandpearls · 09/07/2020 15:51

I hope this message doesn’t rub anyone the wrong way. Ss3 is the only kid at his childminder with a non nuclear family. I’m hoping that coming into reception next year he will have more peers with non traditional families so he can relate.

While his parents separated while he wasn’t even yet 1 I am aware that the older he gets the more families will separate. I’m not wishing for other families to separate but at the same time want him to not be the ‘odd one out’.

Please can someone reassure me that he will find more peers in his situation in a year or two? 😭

OP posts:
AuntyPasta · 09/07/2020 15:53

In the kindest possible way I think you are overthinking things.

Original poster
Pearsandpearls · 09/07/2020 15:57

Cheers, I can see how it would come across like that.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 09/07/2020 16:10

I get it, I was the only child of divorced parents at primary school and it was hard. I also made my school choices for my boys based on the fact that I didn't want them to be the only non-white children there.

Lostmyshityear9 · 09/07/2020 16:17

This happened to me when my son was in reception - it was a private school so only 15 children but yes, he was the only one who had divorced parents. Things changed as he moved up the years, believe me! It does single out children as being different, particularly with other children who perhaps just have no comprehension that some mums and dads live in separate houses and ask pertinent questions which can be hurtful. The main thing is that his parents are positive about the situation and he can see an upside - at 5 years old, two lots of presents and the prospect of Santa twice is enough to lord it over the rest of the class!

Dinosauraddict · 09/07/2020 16:24

Don't send him to private school, in the nicest possible way. I was private schooled and my parents split when I was 13. I was the only child IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL with divorced parents. Seriously. One girl had a mum only because her father had sadly died. Everyone else had 'nuclear' families. I left as soon as I could (at 16) as clearly didn't fit in.

user1493413286 · 10/07/2020 06:25

As soon as he goes somewhere with more children there will be more of a mix of families. My DSDs best friends have happened to be children whose parents aren’t together which I always wondered if was coincidence or bonding through a shared experience.
I’d also like to think that my DD and DS won’t feel different having an older sibling who doesn’t live with them and will have friends at school who are the same .

MyGodImSoYoung · 10/07/2020 07:58

Throughout my school years, I have been the only one of my friends to have a single mum. Everyone else had nuclear families. It never bothered me and I'm pretty sure it didn't bother them. Children are able to understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Explain things to you SS and he will explain it to his friends.

Don't panic! He will be fine, I'm sure xx

RedRumTheHorse · 10/07/2020 09:03

You need to stop panicking.

Part of it is to do with where you live and another part is to do with the age of other parents around you. If you live in a large town/city and as you meet more older parents you will find more families who are non-traditional.

As long as you don't have an infant school headteacher, like I did, who picked on children from families who were non-traditional and open about it your step-son shouldn't have any problems.

Fressia123 · 10/07/2020 09:15

Step/blended families are fastest growing type of family so I don't think you have much to worry about

TeenPlusTwenties · 10/07/2020 09:25

For both my DDs, by the end of primary about half their classes were not living with both their birth parents.

  • living with Mum, seeing Dad
  • living with Mum, not seeing Dad,
  • living with mum and Step dad
  • half siblings living with them
  • half siblings not living with them
  • adopted
PeraltasWife · 10/07/2020 09:28

I wouldn't worry about it tbh. Kids are very resilient and if the parents have been split since the child was one then for that child it is the "norm". I've been through this with my child, and used it as an opportunity to explain that families come in all shapes and sizes. Some children are adopted, some have two mummies, some two daddies, some have grandparents who look after them etc. You cant change what other kids will say or do but you can instill an understanding in your child that families dont have be 2.4 children to be classed as "normal".

Destroyedpeople · 10/07/2020 09:30

I really wouldn't worry about it too much ...he won't be alone for long, trust me.

CrumpetyTea · 10/07/2020 09:55

I don't think you are overthinking it. My siblings and I were the only children from a one-parent family for pretty much all my schooling ( a long time ago). Its more common now to have different family set ups but it will depend on where you are to a degree.
Its not just a matter of him being happy with it its also to make sure the school is aware of it. A friend of mine is struggling as a single mum dealing with the fact that her son's school made him make a fathers day card - they seemed to have no sensitivity to the fact that some children don't have fathers (or mothers) on hand to give cards to. For him he doesn't have friends at school in the same position but what really helps is that they do have friends out of school so he can talk about any concerns/emotions

KylieKoKo · 10/07/2020 14:31

There's not an awful lot you can do about it unless you plan to sabotage the nuclear families in the area. I think you can just be kind and loving to your SS so that he knows he is loved and his family set up is as good as anyone else's.

RedRumTheHorse · 10/07/2020 15:05

@CrumpetyTea there have always been shit schools and teachers out there so saying something may not have made a difference.

In my case, while my infant headteacher was nasty, my junior and secondary headteachers were the complete opposite.

Cherryrainbow · 10/07/2020 21:30

Childminders have a much smaller group of kids than school will have so you will be exposed to all kids of different family types then.
I split with my sons dad before he was 2 so I was in a similar situation. Going to school there were a few more kids in class who have step siblings, half bros/sister's, single parents and all sorts, there's even twins from sperm donation. I wouldn't worry about it hun.

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