Bedroom sharing quandary

[vicky46]

New to all this but need some advice. My stepdaughter is 8 and already starting puberty.
At her mums she shares a bedroom with her half brother who is 4.5. He is autistic to the point he is non verbal, we don’t have a whole understanding as we’re not overly close so I only have some information.
SD is behind at school and when speaking with her she is basically tired all the time. Her brother keeps her up until midnight and wakes her at 5am most nights. This, on top of her early development means sharing a room just doesn’t sit easy with me or her dad.
The issue we have is that we are really trying to build up a better relationship with her mum (which is going great). However she has in the past stopped contact when my other half has upset her with comments over how she is parenting (nothing nasty just things he wasn’t happy with). I know ‘legally’ she can’t do that but unfortunately it’s happened before and I don’t want it to happen again.
So, my questions for you wise ones are; should we approach this issue/is it an issue? And how could we approach it? Thank you all

@Howaboutanewname we wouldn’t go for custody as you say because she’s happy at home with her mum and we can’t do 50/50 as explained before.
She moved back home because of a break up. We wouldn’t want or expect her to move because of the extra support and that’s great.
Saying we have no say in the living arrangements though I would have to say you are wrong. It is affecting her education and her wellbeing. Of course that is our business. We would never ‘grill’ her either. You clearly don’t understand or you wouldn’t comment saying her living arrangements are nothing to do with us.

How other people arrange and manage their homes really is none of your business. You can’t force her to change it. By all means, in more normal times, discuss with the school if you consider there is a problem. If they think there is a problem, they may help you raise the issue with mum. But ultimately, it’s her choice how she arranges her home and would be regarded as such by the courts.

It is having a serious detrimental affect on the health and well-being of her husbands child. So yes her husband can challenge her living arrangements if they are not safe for his child. And yes the courts have intervened in matters of housing and where a child sleeps.

@AskingforaBaskin thank you, obviously we don’t want anything to be getting that far but it’s clearly something we are allowed to have concerns about and to some degree input in if things aren’t right.

Yes. Obviously I don't advocate kicking off and as your relationship is in a good place I imagine you want to keep things cool.
But this is unacceptable and your DH (and you) have every right to ask her what steps she will be taking to resolve the problems. In a nice way

@AskingforaBaskin nope, we definitely want to avoid rocking the boat, it’s taken a long time for us all to get where we are 😊

Why don’t you move closer and do 50/50?