Hi there,
As I've mentionned in another post which didn't take off, my DP didn't see his daughter (13) for 2.5 months, because her mother didn't follow the confinement instructions and continued visiting her boyfriend (with SD) who also has kids who don't live with him and staying with him for days, and who knows who else.
Obviously, my DP misses her. He told me that he contstantly wrote to her, but she would never write to him first. Myself, I decided to keep contact with her (known her for almost 6 years and took care of her when she was younger), sending her pictures, telling her we miss her, asking her how she's doing, etc. For some reason, a couple of times DP called, she was always very reserved when normally she's used to be affectionate.
I suggested to DP to somehow find a way to bring SD here as she lives in a small appartment (and her mother's boyfriend lives in a basement), because we have more space and a yard and my two kids that she loves. Anyways, he made it sound like she's better off there.
So, I was talking to her, after he told me several times how he misses her and wished she were there and told her that her father missed her and that maybe he's not bringing her because he thinks that she prefers being in her place (which is honestly very true, other than EOW she never ever stays here) even when there's no school. She said no, she does want to come visit. I told her to tell him because he's not a very expressive man and honestly sometimes he pretends that things don't bother him. The conversation finished normally with hihihi and hahaha. She told him that she wanted to come.
Later he comes and very seriously tells me that she was crying because apparently she understood that I said that she prefers being in the mother's boyfriend place instead of her father. I didn't mean that, it must be a misunderstanding. It escalated to the point when he told me that I did it on purpose to make her feel bad, etc.
It's not her style to complain like that, she doesn't snitch and I'm pretty sure that it was the mother's involvement, but he doesn't admit it. He told me not to write to her anymore and to explain to her what I mean in person. She later told him that she only wants to come for a weekend becasue wifi here is not good and stood her position despite him reassuring her. He tells me now that it's because of me. She would come for a weekend, but not longer.
I had nothing but good intentions, I do believe that kids need to know that parents want to be with them and I find our situation very strange.
How do I fix this?