How much ‘involvement’ - how does everyone else do it?

[Drawingaline44]

I just wondered how everyone else manages how much involvement you have with each others kids and how everyone else juggles things?

In my opinion, and I’m not saying this is right for everyone, but it’s how I see it, I feel like step parents should be involved as much as possible.

It depends on set up obviously, but as we live together I think my DP should have as much input as possible with my DC and the same for me with his. There are certain times when it is bio parents only and I get that, and also that our decision on our own bio kids is our decision as a final but we should discuss it.

I just wondered everyone else’s view on this as a general rule?

My opinion differs. I think you should be on the same page as your partner/spouse when it comes to child-rearing values, but that the step-parent needs to have a different relationship with the children than their actual father. I'd expect them to respect your primary role in important decisions about your children and not try to 'parent' them, but to complement and support you in doing that.

You need to agree with your partner what level of involvement is right for the two of you, especially if you have different parenting skills. There is no single blanket rule, it is different in all households.

Even trying your best can be range from stay out of the scene to become almost theIr mum when the kids are with you. Both of these are good solutions depending what kind of domestic setting you have, the ages of the kids, the relationship they have with their parents and how much interaction they want with you.

My step children are 18 and 21, both boys, I'm 32. My husband is 47. I met the children when they were 10 and 13. We never really chose how and who would have certain responsibilities but I think because of my age at the time when they were younger I became more of a big sister and in fact still am! It's always in my interest to keep them safe if they are in my care but overall we're all just great friends! I suppose I never really thought about the involvement and it turned into what it did naturally. Often my husband will ask on my opinions r.e the boys if any decisions need to be made and I'm always partial to whatever is going. Now that they're older, there isn't much to discuss anymore. They're adulting!