I don’t know what to do.

[claralong]

i’m in a very strange situation w my DH and my two DD’s from a previous relationship and i need advice. i am starting to question whether my DH loves my biological children as much as his own, even though he claims he does, his actions speak otherwise. He is very cold and strict towards my DDs but also provides them with everything. i would not be able to afford this house without him or provide for my DDs so it is a very sticky situation. I have no doubts that he loves me. We rarely argue but when we do it’s only ever about my DDs. Im unsure on what to do

Why does he want them to call him dad when they already have a father?

It all sounds very messy.

I couldn't be with anybody that was in any way unkind to my daughter. Would their father be able to put you all up until you find somewhere?

I don’t get much of a say when it comes to the discipline. He told one me either one of my DDs leave or he leaves. I’m stuck in the middle

Seriously?
And you let him?
You actually step back and let him bully your dd's?
Cos that's what he's doing by being 'stricter' with them than his own.
I can't believe you've just handed over the parenting/disciplining of your children to someone else - and a controlling bully at that.

I hope you're not so desperate for a man that you will allow him to drive your dc away or continue causing them harm.

my eldest is 17 and my youngest is 12, their father still pays half of the school bill but is no longer paying for as much as he used to because of my husband, such as my DDs phone bills.

If you choose this man over your kids, they will never forget it. Lob him off.

He wants them to call him dad to give him power and control over them.
Your dc will soon resent you for not protecting them op.

I was your daughter. My relationship with my mother will never be the same. She chose my step father time after time. At the age of 60 she left and divorced him, because the behaviour doesn't stop at childhood, he couldn't bear us as adults either.

The final straw was when he opened her birthday cards and mothers day cards from us so he could approve what was written inside them before she could read them. She was utterly controlled by him for 30 years.

I will never forgive her, though I do my best to understand why she did what she did. Your first job as a mother is to protect your children with every fibre of your being.

You're not stuck in the middle. You are actively choosing a man over your children.

You pick your children, every single time. They shouldn't have to live with him.

phone bill? Pay her phone bill yourself!
Or put her on a pre-pay with limited minutes!

Sounds like you prefer someone else to take on the financial load, which is what your husband is doing....hence you're 'stuck' in the middle...

You are unreasonable to expect your husband to love his step kids as much as his kids.

It is completely reasonable to expect that all adults in the kids lives to be warm and kind. Cold and strict sounds horrible. You can't be a good (step)parent by only providing for the financial needs of kids.

I don’t get much of a say when it comes to the discipline. He told one me either one of my DDs leave or he leaves. I’m stuck in the middle

Sorry but it would be an easy choice for me. The parent should have most of the day when it comes to discipline. Where the kids live is between you and your ex.

You're not stuck in the middle, you're on his side, against your own children. Otherwise you'd have made him leave when he threatened to.

Grow a spine and side with your children, or you'll wake up in a few years time and realise they hate you.

I would never love someone elses children as much as my own but i would never treat them badly