Lockdown question..should I of lied?

[Songbird232018]

So strange night here! Due to covid and a mixture of health problem and a unfortunate family death (virus related) we have missed 3 weekends with my partners 3 children. Making it 6 weeks in total, in that time my partner has had the occasional walk and in constant facetime contact ( all 3 are mid teens) so all is well on that front.

However my partners mum was on the phone today and she said to me have we spoke to the kids and I said yes of course and relayed updates etc THEN she says gosh you must really miss having them around.

And it hit me no I I didn't, not at all in fact. I miss them for the fact that i know my son (3) misses his siblings and I know my partner cant wait to see them, so the reunion yes I am looking forward to, we all have loads of fun and relations are great! But yes it hit me. I dont miss them in 6 weeks with no tangible contact. Should I?

Of course I said yes to my MIL but it felt really odd lying as such.

Your response was fine. Sometimes as they get older, you don't even miss your own kids if they go away for a while....like to Uni.

I think missing people is debatable in current circumstances.
You say there is constant facetime communication with them, so I am assuming you see them frequently just not physically? That too a degree will remove an idea of missing them because if you see /speak to someone daily, I don't think you truly have the opportunity to miss them.

For example I miss my dad, because I haven't spoken to him since the weekend and I usually see him 3 times a week. But, I don't miss my mum because I talk to her daily, I mean it'd be nice to see her, to hand over dcs for a break, but I don't actually miss her as such.

I think in this instance, that yes is more of a white lie, because you're confirming an expectation. I wouldn't worry too much.

No there is nothing wrong with that OP.

Ok good... I dont facetime them as much as there dad has but I guess I am hearing updates regularly so it's not as if they have had no contact in 6weeks in which case I may feel different! Thanks all

Don’t feel bad! I don’t think you necessarily need to love and pine for your step children... I don’t! That’s not me being nasty. My step son is a good boy and well behaved and I treat him and my own the same but to me it’s like he’s come for a play date.

I would say the same as you did no point in saying you don’t miss them it’s will just stir bad emotions on everyone’s part. Smile and privately enjoy the peace 😂

There's another thread like this and the OP has been slated for enjoying the peace and quiet when her stepkids aren't around! FWIW I agree with you though - I don't miss the stepkids being here.

Missing someone can carry different meaning based who said it.
"I miss you!" like: I want you to know that we are friends.
or "I miss you!" like: I want you to be with me here and now.
And yes, people do say things like that: "you must miss them," but I believe they mean: "it must feel different, when they are not around".
Your answer was perfect.

Nah, I don’t miss the stepkids. They’re so loud whereas my son is pretty quiet really. They’ve got no manners and will just interrupt mine and DH’s conversations to show him stupid memes on FB (we now just ignore them until there’s a break in the conversation) And if anyone slates me, we had to do the exact same with my son until he got it so it’s not a ‘step kid’ thing.