Access help/how many nights are DSC with you?

[peonyrose87]

We’ve got a court order for two nights one week, three the next. The court order was made when DSC was only one year old so my partner didn’t fight for more time as he didn’t want to take a baby away from his mother too often. DSC is now 4 and my partner is probably going to have to go back to the lawyers/court about a few issues that have came up recently with the situation, and we’re keen to ask for more time. What kind of access schedules do you have? We’re not sure what’s normal or not, and we know we’ll never get 50/50. Thanks so much!!

Before corona - we had DSD(6) every morning before school (pick her up from mums at 6:45AM and get her ready for school/wash/book etc) and then Friday, Sat, Sun night and Wednesday every other week.

Since corona - 50/50 split. Friday to Friday. Works much better and DSD seems to prefer it.

We will probably keep up the current Friday to Friday post corona as it's working well for us all including DSD as she knows what she's doing and where she is. It's taken a lot of insistence of DP in confirming DSD has two parents and deserves to see both parents equally, he's no absent in her life despite mums wishes he was and he's here to work with her, not against her. We aren't on a court order so it's an informal agreement but we've the C100 form to go to court shortly to cement a few things in place.
Providing you can show how a 50/50 split would work within your family/jobs/school runs etc and propose how it could look with days I can't see why a court would say no.

We’re not sure what’s normal or not, and we know we’ll never get 50/50. Thanks so much!!

OP You already have 5/14. I’m not sure how much closer to 50/50 you can get without it actually being 50/50. Are you, or rather the children’s father, going to go to court to secure 6/14? One extra night?

@Inapickleortwo thank you for your reply!! So glad a week on/week off schedule is working for you all. We’re in a similar position of DP having to show he is always going to be in DSC’s life, and we’re always willing to help her where needed, despite her wanting the opposite. We’ll definitely think over what you’ve said!

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend like I said, if we do end up back at court it is about a few other issues that have Occurred, so if we can utilise that process to also get more time then yes, we would do that. One extra night is a lot.

In that case why not just go for 50/50 though?

@ChandlerIsTheBestFriend we would love 50/50 but the mother will never agree to it. We’ll be asking for as much time as possible, but if one extra night is likely to be all we can get then we need to accept it. Thanks though, I totally see your point! It’s just a pretty high conflict situation.

DSC live full time with us and then stay at their mums Friday to Sunday EOW. Holidays are split equally. That was court ordered 2 years ago and seems to work.

we would love 50/50 but the mother will never agree to it.

If you’re going through court it isn’t her that gets to decide. It’s a judge. In your shoes I would ask for exactly what you want. The worst that can happen is you don’t get it. The best that can happen is you do get it.

we would love 50/50 but the mother will never agree to it

She doesn't need to agree if you're going to court, surely that's the point?

We do 3 nights one week, 4 the next so 50/50.

My DSS is 4 and we have him 50/50
Mum won't agree?? That why you are going to court. If she agrees you would not have to go to court.
Sounds like yourself don't want 50/50. If not then fine. Don't blame the mother or court for it then.

We weren’t sure if 50/50 often happens in the UK, hence my asking. We struggle to get mum to comply with what we already have, there are constant breaches to the order, which is why we would go to court again. I assumed some level of agreement would need to be made by the mother, but if not, that’s great and we will push for 50/50. I wasn’t involved the last time they went to court, so I don’t know the process.

@annaminna I said nothing of the sort, and I would love to have DSC as often as we possibly can. Best not to comment on someone’s feelings when you don’t know the full situation. Like I said, it’s all very high conflict.

We have 50-50, one week we have 2 nights and the other 5 nights. For us it works like this, one of us has Mon and Tuesday every week, and one of us has Wednesday and Thursday every week, then Friday, Saturday and Sunday are alternated. Everyone is happy with the agreement and we do drop off/pick up using school so there's never any issue. Court were happy to grant this and for us to be 50-50.

Right now, we do a week on and a week off changing on a Friday. Partner did go through the process of mediation and then to court so feel free to message me if you'd like more information, I also have about 15 draft 50/50 'schedules' planned out if you need ideas!

@undercaffeinated thank you, that’s so helpful!! And that sounds like a really good schedule to have! We can’t wait until all pick ups are from school! I’ll definitely give you a message as we’re pretty unsure of the whole thing!

We do 50/50, alternate weeks and change on a Monday. The kids get dropped at school by one parent on Monday morning and picked up Monday afternoon by the other. It’s worked well for us. Go for 50/50 if you are going through courts, it’s not up to the mother in this case so let a judge decide what’s best. Why do you not think she will agree to it, is it financial?

@Jamjar18 thank you! We will definitely try after hearing so many people have got 50/50. She would love for my partner to be a one weekend a month dad, if that.