Furlough and Maintenance

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

We have the DSC every weekend and over the last few weeks, this has increased to 3 or 4 nights a week.

The DSC also spend 1-2 nights a week with their grandparents (even now)

DH has been furloughed and that combined with with increase in nights we are having them meant he asked his ex if he could pay less during this time, she wasn't happy with this.

To add context, if we go on holiday she expects him to pay more for the nights we don't have them in that month.

What is everyone else doing in this situation? I wouldn't mind but they spend more time here than they do at home now!

I think it depends on her finances to some degree - if she's on the breadline then chopping and changing maintenance could cause real issues. A lot of the costs will remain whether the kids are there or not I.e. size of house, size of/need for a car, possibly childcare fees etc. There may be quite a lot she has to keep up with despite them not being there.

However, if we're talking spending money then I do think your DH should cut the CM because she doesn't need it for the kids

A lot of the costs will remain whether the kids are there or not I.e. size of house, size of/need for a car, possibly childcare fees etc

We pay for a bigger house and car to accommodate DSD too, even though DH is not the RP. Her mother does not contribute to these costs. It’s part of the whole “this is DSDs home, too” approach.

Yes but I'm just saying does she need the CM to cover essential bills that still exist or is it paying for stuff she now doesn't need to buy because the kids aren't there?

@carriebreadshaw there are no childcare costs as they are 17 and 15 so nothing to worry about there.
Hard to know someone else's circumstances of course but she's married to a chap who appears to be doing well for himself so I don't think the loss will affect them really, the kids are only with their Mum 1/2 nights a week.

@SandyY2K I don't feel like she should either but she has ☹️ I honestly feel like we are being reasonable, it's not forever just until DH goes back to work.

Some people want everything their own way. At 15 and 17, she shouldn't be able to manipulate things or threaten reduced access if you reduce the money...so just do it.

As long as your DH has a good relationship with his DC...they will always want to see him.

Knowing how much teens eat when at home full time the maintenance needs to be adjusted accordingly to the CMS level of his new income - whether you do it at 2 nights or 5 nights per week is up to you and what you can afford.

You just need to do it and inform her. You can't afford it for the time being and if she goes to CMS then she will get the same result.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor do you know either parent can make an application to CMS?

It seems in your current situation and for future it would be in your best interest to do so.

CMS use PAYE system to obtain up to date wage information and so would calculate based on what your DH's wage in a given year. At the present they are being sympathetic to anyone facing furlough and have reduced paying parent's payment amounts.

If either parent has any issues or queries these all go through CMS which helps with mediation especially if one of the parents is being particularly difficult.

In the meantime, you would not be unreasonable to reduce the payments you pay to ex.

"A lot of the costs will remain whether the kids are there or not I.e. size of house, size of/need for a car, possibly childcare fees etc"

"We pay for a bigger house and car to accommodate DSD too, even though DH is not the RP. Her mother does not contribute to these costs. It’s part of the whole “this is DSDs home, too” approach."

Child maintenance is not calculated based on the size of the home an ex lives in or the car. It is based on the daily living costs of bringing up a child. Food, clothes, childcare costs etc.

Whether an ex partner chooses to drive a car or has a bigger house has no effect on how much a paying parent pays towards a child

@Astrid84

I quite agree. Which is why it always irritates me when the RPs bills are brought into a discussion like this. DSD costs us hundreds of pounds per month in additional running costs whether she’s here or not, and before a stitch of clothes or a scrap of food is purchased for her, so the idea that an NRP should go without money to actually feed the kids because of the RPs bills just doesn’t fly with me.

Out of nosiness, do the children stay with you and then their grandparents out of their own choice or because she sends them there? I’m just wondering if they would be happier living with you full time, while maintaining a relationship with her and the grandparents? Only if that’s what you would want too, of course.

@AccidentallyRunToWindsor ah yes sounds like you're being totally reasonable then. At that age her costs will have reduced considerably with them not being there and yours will have gone up.

Give notice but yes, reduce

@T0tallyFuckedUpFamily grandparents they are sent to. Here they want to come (as far as they tell us)

That’s very sad. It sounds like they’re ‘in the way’ in her home, yet she still wants the money. I think, considering she and her partner are living together, you need to start thinking about cutting back on the financial help and consider putting the money in a bank account for the children’s future.