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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Please please help!!! I'm lost

13 replies

Lewbubba84 · 17/04/2020 21:21

Hey

I've got 3 children with a ex partner. A baby with my current partner. He's been amazing with the baby but over the last few weeks when the baby wants me to go to sleep and not him he has, what I can only describe it as, a temper tantrum just because the baby wants me, his mum. I feel like he's come in and tried taking over everything. The 3 kids listen to him more than me and it's depressing. I've tried talking to him tonight and he sits in other room away from me.
I don't have any friends to turn too as I've moved around alot and no family.

What do I do xxxx

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/04/2020 22:03

It sounds like this isn't a stepparent issue...the issue is with your joint child.

monkeymonkey2010 · 17/04/2020 22:34

what's he doing that they listen to him more than you?

Harriett123 · 17/04/2020 22:41

It sounds like hes jealous of your relationship with the baby.
How old is the baby? Has he always behaved this way?
I dont know how to help I'm afraid but that form of reaction would be quite a warning to me and sounds a bit like he might be ( either consciously or subconsciously) trying to sabotage your relationship with the baby.

HeckyPeck · 17/04/2020 22:50

I’m sorry OP. That sounds awful.

What do the temper tantrums involve?

Original poster
Lewbubba84 · 18/04/2020 06:56

Monkey he shouts all the time, sorry I mean raises his voice. He's on them constantly.
By a temper tantrum I mean he'll get all huffy and sulky when the baby wants me not to him to rock him to sleep. He walks off and goes and sulks in kitchen. It's quite pathetic from a grown man. I don't want to be a single parent again xx

OP posts:
Hulahoopqueen · 18/04/2020 07:33

I can sort of understand why he might not feel as involved as he wants, though throwing a temper tantrum is childish and frankly ridiculous. Have you talked to him about how he wants to be involved? Perhaps you could alternate the evening routine between you, so maybe one of you bathes and dresses baby for bed and the other does the bedtime (as in a last feed and cuddle and putting them in bed once asleep)?

Annaminna · 18/04/2020 08:51

How you know that baby wants you and not him?????

monkeymonkey2010 · 18/04/2020 11:56

he shouts all the time, sorry I mean raises his voice. He's on them constantly
So they obey him out of fear.

Why are you putting them through this?
Is he really worth it?

I'm getting the impression that he's actually a bully and abusive.....he's positioning himself as the 'head' of the household and you're all his servants there to do his bidding.

He's making your children disrespect you and ignore your authority as their mother and now he's trying to create a wedge between you and your new baby.

Get out! Or better yet, get HIM out!

midnightstar66 · 18/04/2020 11:59

Well while he shouldn't be sulking or shouting at your dc it's worth him preserving in getting baby settled himself. You never know when he might need to do this in future and well it should be something a dad can do equally of not breastfeeding. He might be frustrated at not getting the chance. There's more than one issue going on here which all need addressed separately

HeckyPeck · 18/04/2020 14:15

I'm getting the impression that he's actually a bully and abusive.....he's positioning himself as the 'head' of the household and you're all his servants there to do his bidding.

Yes I’m getting the same impression.

I know you don’t want to be a single parent again but isn’t that better than your kids being shouted at and being with a man who has a tantrum over a baby wanting its mum?

aSofaNearYou · 18/04/2020 14:36

I feel like people are jumping very quickly to "he's abusive" without very much information, we could do with more specifics.

From what you've described, he could just be cranky because he has a new baby and is tired, or like people have said it could be much worse than that. In what way is he shouting at the kids and for what sort of reasons? What do you mean by you feel like he's taking over?

OoooImBlindedByTheLight · 18/04/2020 15:46

How you know that baby wants you and not him?????

I’m guessing because the baby stops crying and settles really quickly? My DS was like that, I was a breastfeeding mum and he was comforted by my smell and heartbeat. His dad used to get upset by it (not shouting, just a bit sad) so I used to cuddle DS and his dad would snuggle up with us too and DS started to associate his dad with sleep time too and eventually would settle without me there.

OoooImBlindedByTheLight · 18/04/2020 15:54

Also OP, I had a DC from a previous relationship when I had my second DC. His dad would sometimes get upset at me doing normal parenting things which I found easy because I already had a child whereas our son was his first child.

One day it did erupt and I learned 2 things from our following discussions:

  1. He was jealous that parenting seemed to come naturally to me and he was struggling. I pointed out to him that it’s only because I wasn’t a first time parent and he was, and that I felt exactly the same when my DC1 was born. It’s normal to feel a bit like a shit parent and babies don’t come with handbooks, we learn as we go along. That made him feel better.
  1. He for some reason irrationally thought he’d be the main parent to our DS as I already had a child and this was his only child?! A bit like “You had your toy so this one is mine”. When he realised actually I was by default the main parent as I breastfed and was at home with DS all day due to maternity leave, he got a bit resentful.
We talked it through and realised how irrational he was being. I was happy to let him to take the lead when he was home from work and at weekends (glad of the break to be honest) but I spent far more time with DS so it was natural for him to look for comfort from me first.

This changed though when DS became w toddler as he would be ecstatic for daddy to come home from work etc.

OP talk to your DP and find out what the real issue is, even if it seems irrational remember this is his first child and you probably look like a pro to him

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