Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Find step son irritating sometimes

32 replies

Hushhhhhh · 11/04/2020 20:48

I feel horrid but since this lockdown (and occasionally before), I'm struggling with my step son.

All I can say is it feels like he just likes to be annoying. If he thinks something is winding you up, he'll do it more. He makes silly noises at the top of his voice over and over and over, if you ask him to stop he'll do it louder. He won't do anything you ask him to without doing something silly first, he winds his siblings up no end so they end up fighting, he will poke and prod and just be silly despite being told to leave them alone, he will ask you the same question 20 times despite knowing the answer to wind you up. He can also get quite aggressive with his siblings if they fall out, he will punch and pinch and has left marks often on them from it.

He can often be a lovely boy and I do care about him but I'm finding him really hard to be around at the moment especially as I'm looking after them a lot on my own as I'm WFH and DH and Ex aren't.

I just need to rant. I know he's just being a kid and he's probably bored but I feel at the end of my tether with the silliness and annoying stuff right now.

OP posts:
ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 11/04/2020 20:55

OP how old is he and why if you're WFH and your dh and the child's mother isn't, are you looking after him?

Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 11/04/2020 20:59

He is 8 and they are both out at work all day so I'm looking after them most of the time at the moment.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 11/04/2020 21:06

Do you have children of your own? I'm just wondering why you're lumbered looking after him. I mean if you weren't on the scene what would his parents do.

It sounds like he has behavioural issues based on his interactions with his siblings? Have his parents not done anything to address his behaviour?

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2020 21:08

Are the siblings your children or your partners?

How do you deal with the aggression and hurting them? Are they younger or older?

Some of what he’s doing sounds annoying but worth trying to just shrug off and ignore. If he’s repeating himself or making noises to get a rise out of you then tell him firmly to knock it off then just ignore it if he’s not hurting anyone. But deliberately injuring the other kids is horrible and has to stop. Are you backed up by your partner is disciplining him?

If you’re finding it too much while working from home you don’t have to carry on doing it. Schools won’t be open again for months and it’s not your responsibility. Was there a proper discussion when this started about you doing the childcare? Were you asked, nicely, by your partner and his ex with a way you could decline? There’s been some mins boggling piss taking of step mums outlined about childcare recently.

Shmithecat2 · 11/04/2020 21:08

Don't feel bad. My own son irritates me regularly.

Jamjar18 · 11/04/2020 21:12

I find my SS infuriating at times. He is a spoilt entitled brat (my husbands words). He’s 13 now but I’ve known him since he was 8. I just try and focus on the rare lovely things he does and remind myself that his behaviour is no reflection on me. Its hard work and unfair you have been left with him during the day. Are his mother and father key workers? If so maybe once the Easter holidays are done he could go to school. It’s not your responsibility to care for him, especially with challenging behaviour. Your OH must know what he’s like?

Daphine2004 · 11/04/2020 21:19

Don’t feel bad. I find my own son annoying. It is normal and you shouldn’t feel bad for how you’re feeling.

Cosyblanky · 11/04/2020 21:21

He sounds like a pain. He's craving attention. Try to appeal to his better nature. Explain if he keeps bothering everyone then your all going to be stressed and unhappy and the ways that this will impact on him. e.g I can't make you a snack at the moment because you've been making silly noises, so I need to have some quiet time before I can do cuz. When he is behaving comment how lovely it is during such a difficult time .

midnightstar66 · 11/04/2020 21:24

It's an age thing and not a step son thing. Plenty bio parents going insane with this at the moment too - it's not just you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/04/2020 21:25

Not that it’s easy, and I reiterate that you shouldn’t be left with him without your happy agreement or back up on discipline, one thing I’ve found useful with my step son is trying to “catch him being good”. He can be as aggravating as the next kid but I make a conscious effort to notice and comment positively on stuff he does that’s kind, helpful, thoughtful, bright, creative etc and then bring an example to mind when my automatic reaction to something annoying is to want to snap or throw Lego at him.

LovingLola · 11/04/2020 21:30

What other kids are involved ? Whose are they?

TokyoSushi · 11/04/2020 21:34

I knew you were going to say he's around 8, I've found that unfortunately that's just what they do!

Bloody irritating! Distraction, responsibility, give them some sort of a job and lots of praise/bribery when they do well!

It's a phase, this too shall pass!

Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 11/04/2020 21:43

Okay phew, it's not just me then Smile

Me looking after then was all discussed and agreed, I don't mind (or I didn't mind until now!!).

But yeah it's really wearing thin and I feel like my patience is getting more and more frayed.

The aggression has been an issue for a while and his parents do try to deal with it as best they can although I don't personally think enough is done. It's a conversation I've had with DH before now.

Honestly I just can't wait for them all to go home at the moment (3 step children, none of my own).

OP posts:
user1493413286 · 11/04/2020 21:45

Kids are bloody annoying at times; both on purpose and without realising. When they’re your own I think there’s something innate where they annoy you but your love for them counteracts it whereas when they aren’t yours it doesn’t happen in the same way. Some step parents may disagree but that’s my experience with my DSD.

Harriett123 · 11/04/2020 22:33

I feel exactly the same my 8 year old dss is doing my head in at times. He never stops talking and follows me around the house repeating the same rubbish. We would usually have sports and swimming to burn off some excess energy but that's obviously not happening.
I find at 8 he is old enough to understand that I need quite time and I will just walk away when he is pushing my buttons. If he follows me I just say I'm having some quite time entertain yourself for half an hour and now he does but it took him a long time to stop following me into every room if he was left alone for 2 minutes.

LovingLola · 11/04/2020 22:45

So how are you managing working from home and also providing care for 3 children? What age are the other 2?

ALovelyBitOfSquirrel · 11/04/2020 23:00

Honestly I just can't wait for them all to go home at the moment (3 step children, none of my own)

You deserve a bloody medal. It's absolutely ridiculous and totally unfair on you OP.
I wouldn't put up with it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/04/2020 00:30

If they expect you to have the kids this much you need to feel 100% supported in dealing with any issues as you see fit. You’ve got 3 of someone’s else’s kids in your home (disrupting your work! Shock) and if one of them is deliberating hurting the others you need to empowered by your partner and preferably also their mum to tackle it and keep all 3 safe.

You agreed which was extremely good of you. But you’re doing them a massive favour and you can change your mind at any time. If you weren’t with your partner or had to leave your home to work they’d have to sort appropriate childcare. Don’t let yourself feel taken advantage of.

Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 12/04/2020 09:11

Thank you Smile I feel a lot less horrible!

The hitting issue is definitely something that needs dealing with better I agree. It doesn't happen as often as it used to but it's still there definitely.

Work is slowing right down and I expect I'll be furloughed shortly to be honest but yes it is hard! The other two tend to be pretty good at looking after themselves though, they are a bit older 10 & 12.

I've felt like this before now, before I was looking after them. He's just so difficult sometimes in comparison to the others. I do appreciate it's a child/age thing but honestly the others weren't as bad at the same age.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 12/04/2020 09:14

Your OH must know what he’s like?

I missed this. Yes he does but to be honest I think he thinks it's cute and that he's just 'cheeky' (minus the hitting part obviously).

OP posts:
Davespecifico · 12/04/2020 09:16

Has he had any SENs investigated? Have teachers had any concerns?

Branleuse · 12/04/2020 09:18

I KNEW you were going to say he was 8.
I swear 8 year olds are the most annoying.
They have lost toddler cuteness and have started finding really irritating and gross things hilarious.
God even my own 8 year olds pissed me off a fair bit

Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 12/04/2020 09:20

No, no investigations or comments (so far as I'm aware), my mum has made comments before though to me privately, she used to work with children with behavioural issues and she thinks or thought there may be something going on.

I'm not sure though personally. He's a very clever little boy and as far as I know, is well behaved in school. It's just at home he likes to be annoying!

OP posts:
Original poster
Hushhhhhh · 12/04/2020 09:23

I'm quite a calm person usually but I've never ever had someone push my buttons quite as much! And it's a bloody child! I feel ridiculous 😂

OP posts:
MysteryFrog · 12/04/2020 09:26

Sounds just like my 8 year old!