Mother using lockdown to stop kids from seeing dad

[Helmlover1]

So my partner’s kids (aged 14 and 17) have been told by their mother that because my partner is a key worker and still going to work they are not allowed to come round. My partner has tried to explain to them that even during lockdown kids of separated parents are still allowed to visit the non resident parent but they are still choosing to believe their mother, who incidentally has used every excuse in the book over the years to stop the kids from seeing their dad, so I feel she will be rubbing her hands in glee over this situation.

Is there anything we can actually do?

OP you CAN move children between parents' houses, but you don't HAVE to.

I'm not quite sure why you are getting involved when it's your partners kids, but fwiw, I wouldn't let my kids go to see my ex if he was still going into work every day. Perfectly sensible decision imo. They will just have to facetime and make contact in other ways.

Very sensible. Could does not equal should. I find it odd step kids are exempt from distancing it's not like they magically don't carry germs

For those saying why are step parents getting involved. The answer is because it is their house too so they get a say in risk analysis

Children seeing one other person is very different

The millions of children in this county seeing one other person is not different at all. It is exactly the sort of thing that could spread the disease to thousands more people, potentially millions.

At 14 and 17 I would say FaceTime. I think it is harder with little ones who can’t really hold phone conversations . As far as I am aware youngest to die was 18, so yes I would be particularly concerned about older teens.

what do the kids want?

Interestly this is a very different set of responses from the thread where the NRP was going to keep the child with them.

Yes its different responses because these children are old enough to decide for themselves interesting that their opinions have been dismissed as "siding with the mother" almost like they dont matter

slipperywhensparticus

Yes, that is certainly one opinion

I hate to agree but my experience this weekend was really upsetting. I wouldn't be sending my kids to visit the non resident parent at the moment.

It was my husbands allocated weekend Friday tea time to Sunday 5pm with his daughter. I started with symptoms on Friday morning and told my husband. He ignored me and still collected his daughter (who is asthmatic). By Saturday I had full blown symptoms and took to bed. I felt it was very irresponsible for him to put his daughter at risk and now no doubt she will catch this and pass it on to her mother's family. She went home lunchtime Sunday, a bit earlier .
If she catches this then I am sure I will get the blame even though I tried to do the right thing. My husband is just too scared of getting caught up in another slanging match with his ex wife and I am of course the evil step mother that didn't want her there. I'm still ill in bed with raging symptoms. 😭

@mindful01 I hope you recover quickly.🌺

You are not responsible , your dh is .

I was reading a thread yesterday where both the mother and step father are key workers so both at a slightly higher risk of infection. The father was concerned about the child moving between both homes and wanted to keep the them at his as hes able to self isolate. Of course then the responses were completely different, there were cries of kidnapping, financial gain, separation anxiety if the child cant see both parents and that the risk of living in a house with two key workers was worth it. mumsnet's a strange old place sometimes...

The mother is being very sensible

Please try and consider what is best for the children.

It's obviously important to keep dcs and parent relationship, but more important to halt the virus. Whatever it takes, we have to do it.
Mum is being sensible. Factime, Skype, Zoom, WhatsApp- loads of options around.

I dont feel it's right discussing the other thread on here it was a totally different scenario not like this one and its different to how its being alluded too

I'm a GP. If my kids could have another parent who wasn't going to work that they could stay with, I'd send them.

slipperywhensparticus

The only real difference is the sex of the person that wants to keep the child with them.

Dr Hillary has advised against it too.

It has to be in the best interest of the child. I am a cm so have children coming in my home . I would send my Ds to his dad in a heartbeat however he hasn’t seen him in 10 years so not an option.

Plus the age of the child

i think shes actually sensible and im in the same boat

facetime/skype is your friend here!

its bloody hard, but necessary

My partners ex has done something similar. When we asked to put a hold on a week ends contact as he has been in and out of London she flipped out and has blocked him so he can’t make any form of contact.

My friend who both parents have sent her children to her Mums. She is very emotional but knows she is doing right by her children

I think she’s doing the right thing keeping them in one household for the time being while this virus gets under control. What’s the point in us all isolating and staying at home if thousands and thousands of children are going back and forth between households every week? It makes no sense.

They should be in one household and stay there for now.

I agree I think she is being sensible. My partner (who is still working) is still having his children, even though their nan has been babysitting them so that their mum can work (even though the hours she works means my partner could have them) and they are allowing them to play with other children in the communal garden. I've started to dislike my partner as he does not see the problem (we don't live together thank god).

There's a lot of frontline mums on here not seeing their kids at the moment because they don't want to infect their kids. They haven't seen their kids in weeks but have made this heartbreaking choice for the greater good.