Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Feel awful but need to talk. Find my SS really difficult sometimes

3 replies

TheHandAintListeningEither · 28/03/2020 10:23

Two SC. Two completely different personalities. I love them both very much.

However, I find my youngest SS very difficult sometimes and his behaviour can be, I hate to say it but I can't think of a better word, annoying.

Eldest is not a complete angel by any means, as with all children they both have their moments but generally eldest is polite, will do as they are told, and kind.

Youngest can be all of these things however sometimes is very difficult. He will purposefully do the opposite of what he's been asked or he'll do it but not properly to wind you up. For example, if I asked him to take something upstairs he'd shuffle along the floor and take ages to do it, laughing because he knows he's winding you up, saying 'well I'm doing it'. It sounds like nothing but he will be like that all day and when he's in these moods he doesn't respond to discipline, it doesn't faze him if he's shouted at, told to go to his room, has his things taken off him etc... he just wants to wind us up no matter what. He can be rude and sometimes unkind as well when he's like this because he knows its another way to wind his parents up. It is not just me and DH this is with, his mum and DH have both had conversations about this before because he does it at both houses. She's rang us in tears before over it.

I try so hard to leave it to DH most of the time but they do stay with me occasionally as well and I struggle not to let it get me annoyed. There's been occasions where I've had to ring DH to come back from wherever he is because I just can't deal with it and it usually takes a lot to get me to the point where I feel overwhelmed by something!

The example given above was just a small one, there's lots of these sorts of things throughout the day(s) when he's in one of these moods and it affects everyone, his siblings get upset because he turns to winding them up as well, me, DH and his mum end up stressed etc... But then other occasions he's a perfectly lovely little boy who is sweet and kind and well behaved. It's like you don't know what you're going to get from one day to the next.

This morning he's being particularly difficult with DH and I just want to scream DO AS YOU ARE TOLD!!!!! But I won't.

Please don't get me wrong, I do not dislike him at all, I find these occasions irritating and annoying but I love and care for him a lot. But God I just need to rant somewhere before I scream Smile

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
dontdisturbmenow · 28/03/2020 11:00

Some kids are more difficult then their siblings. Sometimes they actually become the easiest ones when they are older.

We all have our personalities and do things that are especially annoying. He will learn with time to adapt and use his personality to his strengths.

Don't feel guilty for feeling exasperated. It's ok to do so. What parent hadn't felt that way with one of their kids if not all at times. You are even more allowed.

user1493413286 · 28/03/2020 11:13

I think the hard thing about step children (for me anyway) is that with your own when they wind you up it feels a little different as you’re annoyed but there’s that pull of unconditional love which makes it somehow easier whereas I find with my DSD that she just irritates me at times. I read on here once someone saying that children just are annoying at times which is very true.
It also sounds like your SS is thriving off the reaction he gets and I’m sure you’ve tried it but I think the more you ignore it the less he will find it’s getting the effect he wants.

Qwertygert · 28/03/2020 12:39

I find SD can be trying but I just treat her the same as my DD now and initially I think SD was taken aback as she rarely gets told off at her mums. Luckily me and her dad are on the same page and back each other up. Normally it ends with me saying 'SD listen to your dad, no means no' she had a moment the other day where she actually stamped her foot and said 'I want....' and I was massivley taken aback and asked her if she thought that was appropriate behaviour and she shit herself and said no and realised we are not allowing it!

I think the problem generally stems from inconsistencies between houses. My DD knows I mean business but is also older. My SD was used to her dad giving in but now is starting to realise he has a backbone. She used to try and undermine my no by asking her dad which used to drive me insane. I talked to DH and he sat with SD and explained if the answer is no he won't be saying yes and it seems to work. She does however look at me when she asks her dad something she knows won't be acceptable as she knows I am onto her when she is trying manipulation but it has settled.

I never really tell the kids off though. If they are being 'naughty' i ask them if they think the behaviour is appropriate. It makes them stop and think. Then if they say yes/no I either ask them to explain why it is in thier eyes. If it is not I ask if they are going to stop now. Seems to get them to assess their behaviour rather than getting negative attention for it x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page