My husband refuses to self isolate

[user146465]

I have symptoms of corona virus, my husband is currently working away from the house and due to return on Friday night. He has told his 8 year old daughter that he will be picking her up on Friday night to stay at ours for the weekend.

Surely this is crazy? He won't listen to me and says she has been on the phone crying about not seeing him this weekend. What can/should I do about this? Thanks

I would call her mum.

Yes, contact her mum. Hope you feel better soon.

I don't have her mums number or any way or contacting her. It isn't very amicable so my husband speaks directly to his daughter not her mum so she will have no idea

Just feel like crying, I'm here on my own while he is working away and trying to have this discussion over the phone isn't going well he keeps hanging up and saying it's not up to me to decide if he has her or not

She should not come. We are in self isolation as is SD and her mum and my ex as we have all been exposed. We are all able to share care currently. SS has not been exposed and therefore we are not seeing him and his mum is completely understanding of it. We have a week left and then hopefully we can start contact again. He lives further away from us then SD though so may not be as easy.

Don't let him back in the house. If either of them catch it they'll go spreading it in the community.

You really need to find a way to contact her mum. Tell your husband in no uncertain terms is he to bring her to your house. In fact. I’d tell him he could stay somewhere else too if he is insisting on bringing her.

If my dh said and did that I would lose all respect for him and it would probably be the beginning of the end

I don't understand - why does he want his daughter to potentially catch this virus??

He needs to open his eyes, he's risking her health.

Then divorce the selfish f**

Ring your doctor and explain the situation, ask them to write a letter formally advising that you self-isolate and don't have anyone else in the house?

Sorry your DH is being so pig-headed. This isn't normal circumstances and he's putting his daughter at risk

He said as I haven't been tested I don't definitely have it, well the only way I'm gonna be tested is if I'm taken in to hospital!

Does he seriously want to risk his child’s life? There is currently a 12 year old girl on a ventilator fighting for her life after contracting the virus.

Is he one of those who can’t cope with being told what to do and will have his contact at all costs?

No dont phone and ask your GP to write you a letter FFS. The NHS is beyond breaking point, there is no capacity to be writing unnecessary letters for people who cant follow clear instructions.

Theres a few things to think about here 1)this is not your child and you have no PR so her parents need to be responsible for following the guidelines. 2)will her mum really send her anyway? Do you really have no way to contact mum? If that's true you need a serious chat with your 'D'H anyway as what would he expect you to do if something happened to him during contact. 3) do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who shows such little regard for you and his child? Can he not just accept that your ill and therefore self isolation guidelines apply? Can you not let him back home or take a break from the relationship?

Would he listen to his own parents if you contacted them to help you make him see sense.

Failing that, I would be locking all doors and not allowing him to bring the child into the home.

@JuanSheetIsPlenty not usually no so no idea why he is doing this now I might contact his mum see if she can talk some sense into him

Coronavirus aside, those child arrangements sound unsustainable from your perspective and far too much resonsibility to dump on an 8 year old's shoulders. The only person they suit is your partner.

Add in coronavirus ... he sounds even more selfish.

I suppose you can try to keep your distance.

I might contact his mum see if she can talk some sense into him

Please do that now! Contact whoever you can think of that will get in touch with the girls mum. Any mutual friends on Facebook? Instagram etc? Anyone. Her mum needs to know.

He can collect her, he just cant bring her back to the house. Is there anywhere else he could go with her? What day of symptoms will you be on by friday?

Is there anywhere else he could go with her

That would not be appropriate under the measures put in place last night - he certainly shouldn't be staying with family and friends. OP he is being an absolute bastard, not only is he being irresponsible and putting his daughter at risk, but if you have symptoms he should be supporting you emotionally, not shouting at you about how you "don't have a choice."

I'm not sure what day of symptoms I will be on as I've had the cough for 5 days but only just got the temp yesterday. I will speak to him again later and try to explain it to him, I understand she will be upset but it's just not worth it

Social services might help. He’s essentially willingly exposing her to harm. That’s a social services job.