Hi ladies! (And gents)
A little bit of background. When I first met my DH he was on good terms with his ex. She was in a relationship and happy. He had a poorly paid job that meant he worked all weekends but could pick up his DD after school til her mum got home and would leave the house at 7am to take her to school. He would then do split shifts working til 10pm. Then after we met he got a job that meant he could have proper access with his DD but meant he didn't do all pick ups and drops offs which meant child care costs rose which she was not happy with. All was fine though and we stsrted having DD overnight more. Then she split wirh her partner. I because her confidant. She would call and text. I would go down and see her. She bought me birthday and Christmas gifts. Then we wanted contact to be more structured to 2-3 nights a week to make it a better split. The is is when it went bad. Because she was alone she didnt even want DD to stop out at all. We eventually managed to get to 2 nights but she turned horrendous. I have never seen a flip in a person so quickly and she then acted like she had not called me a friend. She didn't want me alone with DD unless I was doing school drop offs on a morning. And if I was doing them she wanted to meet me at the school so she could walk DD in? We ignored this and did dummy runs with DD and DH for a few and DD was more than happy to have me dropping her off so it was not mentioned again. I also have my own child so school runs are a doddle I am well practiced. When it came to after school club she kept forgetting to add me to the list so DH had to do this so I could get her (I now do not even get involved in this) i went from a friend to the enemy and it is something I still do not understand. I even continued to send really nice mothers day gifts from DD, baked cakes with DD and sent them home with her etc and DD says they both eat them. I even tried to speak to her via text over fathers day to see if I needed to arrange anything and she left me on read and ignored me so it is not like I have been horrid to her.
Now my issue is I sometimes have to drop DD off at her mums if DH is on an early shift on a saturday. My anxiety is through the roof as she has been told to leave me alone and not engage yet she insists on coming down the stairs and shouting hi to me. I know it sounds petty on my behalf but I hate fake people and it has gotten to the point I don't even go to the door I fake a reason for not going (really need a wee so need to run/my DD is in the car/I am in a massive hurry) so DD doesn't know her mum makes me feel ill. Even wehen we drop DD of together her mum insists standing at the window waving goodbye to us with DD even though she knows what she has done and I know it sounds petty but I avoid those drop offs as I cannot see her fake smile and wave after I see the texts she send and the hell we have been through. I know I cannot change the situation. If I refuse to do drop offs it impacts on DH and DD's time but does anyone have any techniques to just rise above it? I am not the sort of person to hold grudges but the way she treated me normally I would tell someone to do one and cut them out of my life but obviously I cannot do that with this situation!
I probably sound so pathetic but it is now really getting to me! I know I cannot say anything to her as it will possibly cause drama and I do not want that and my DH is really supportive but it can make his life harder and I also don't want her being a conversation everytime I need to go there.
Perhaps some 'grow up' perspective from an outsider might help as perhaps that is all I need! x
Thanks in advance x