Advice for Meeting young Step daughters

[StepMummaToBe]

I'm meeting my partner's young daughters soon (3 and 4). I'm excited to meet them but if anyone has any advice from personal experience that would be great ❤️ thank you

Positive Positive Positive Please 👏🏼👏🏼

At that age just play with them. Just be a fun adult to be around, let their dad discipline them if needed.

I don't think you need to worry too much at those ages. I met my now DHs kids when they were older than that and it was a little awkward at first but then they were at ages where normal conversation was expected. With 3&4, I'd expect just to be a bit fun/playful, maybe do some drawing or a fun activity together.

I've just said on another thread that I get on very very well with my SC now and I can't really imagine or remember that awkwardness anymore, it's just life now. But it takes time, don't rush it and be 'stepmumma' right off the bat. Just be a friendly adult, leave the parenting to your DP and let them have time on their own as well and I'm sure it will be okay.

One thing I will say is just because you've met them doesn't mean you then have to be there every time your DP has them. He should still do things on his own with them so they know they still get to spend time with daddy. Doing things slowly gets far more receptiveness imo.

Exciting and nerve wracking times OP. I think those ages are good because there’s so much you can do with them and agree with other pp’s lots of fun activities. How about buying a tonne of craft stuff and making something? That’s what I did and it went down a storm.

We also did a bit of a baking project so it kept them busy and they really enjoyed themselves.

Good luck OP!

That’s quite a nice age; I’d just make the effort to play with them. I met DSD when she was 6 and I made an effort to sit and play with her rather than focus on her dad too much. I also asked permission from her before joining them on things so one time I saw her at her dads house and she wanted to go to the cinema so I asked if she wanted to go all of us or just her dad and made sure she could say what she wanted. It gave her a bit of control over it all.

Hope it goes well.
Maybe at this early stage think of it more as you are meeting your partner's children. Any relationship you have with them will take time to grow.

With this attitude you are making your life ready for lot of hurt and disappointments.
Lets get term correct: they are not your step-daughters, you even did not meet them yet.
They are you BF daughters.

Oh for goodness sake Annaminna I think the op was just asking for advice on meeting her partner’s kids and used the term ‘stepdaughters‘ because she had posted in the step parenting section!

Imo being very aware of how he parents them is vital....
At their age you can just have fun!!

3 and 4 is perfect age. Old enough to be fun and interesting but young enough so they won't have preconceived ideas. Just play with them.

You'll also see that no matter what you post as any kind of "step parent" someone will be quick to ensure they put you down so you know your place.

Just be mindful, OP : if you will call them "my step-daughters" they mum will come after you like a mamma-bear and will rip you to pieces.
Choice is yours.
Good luck!

I'm glad did DPs ex isn't like that@Annaminna

OP, how long have you been with their dad, just to get an idea whether he's introducing you to them after 6 weeks or 6 months. I'd go as slow as you can, maybe go somewhere together as a group so their focus can be on the activity, and you happen to just be with them, such as soft play, then they also associate you with a fun activity. Take it very slow and follow their lead.

I disagree with delaying introductions for months or years at that age, you just need to be introduced as dad’s friend and they will be fine, you let them know you are together further down the line when you both are sure this relationship between the four of you is one to keep.

The problem with delaying introductions is that you don’t get to see if you are compatible with the children, until you are too committed with the dad to let it go if things do not work out.

By the way, unlike Anamina, I would be very touched if you cared so much about my kid, I wouldn’t be ripping your head off for calling them step son, but after being stepmum myself, I would certainly hold myself of becoming “step mum” until I knew the children well (Most kids are fine and lovely but some of them are little terrors so, take it slowly, it is not just for them to like you but also for you to know if you like them back and want them in your life for the foreseeable future)

A tried and tested technique for getting on with kids is, find out what they are into and then ask them lots of questions and be really enthusiastic.

I met my husband on the saturday. He came around on the Sunday night. We hid it for about a week (DD knew I had met someone) my DD met him after a week. I met his DD after 4 and his DS a year later but this was a different story as we only have contact now. We lived together pretty much straight away and got married in January. Sometimes there is no need to wait if you know. Don't worry about what you 'shoud' do just listen to your gut x

I hope it works for you Qwerty, only time I have felt that kind of mad love I was being love bombarded. Mind you, we ended as soon as he became worryingly controlling but my heart broke for his kids, I adored them.