Coping with stepson after miscarriage

[Nics23]

I love my Stepson and really enjoy our half of the week when we have him-we get on so well and have such a loving relationship. I’ve been in his life since he was 18 months old so we’re very close.

I had a missed miscarriage last week and I’m really struggling to be around him this week. My partner text me to say how happy he was when he picked his son up, and it absolutely broke me and I have no idea why. Is it because I lost our baby or I’m not making him happy just now? Everything my stepson has done has annoyed me and I had to just take myself away for a few hours, which I feel terrible about, it’s not his fault that I’m feeling so awful. Has anyone been in this position before? Any words of advice? Thanks

Don't feel terrible. Make sure your DH is the one entertaining and looking after his child. Take whatever space you need.

While it's not the same I had several miscarriages. The ones after ds1 floored me a lot more than the one where I didn't have children yet.

You are close you your step son and have probably subconsciously at least been thinking about your child and how they would be similar/different, how the dynamic would change as your family grew.

Be kind to yourself.

@lunar1 thank you for your reply. You’re right, I was thinking a lot about how they would be together, how our family would change and what our baby would be like.

I’m so sorry for your losses. I can imagine it would be so difficult with your own DS around too.

Have you explained to your dss that you are feeling very sad at the moment and that you love him but just need a little time to recover and feel better?

You dont have to tell him the ins and the outs but he may understand if you are feeling off colour and not like your normal loving self.

I am so sorry for your loss

@KundaliniRising we told him I had a little operation on my tummy after I had the surgical management last week, so he knows I’m feeling poorly. He’s a good wee soul and comes and cuddles in when I’m lying down. I guess I just need some time to get over what’s happened. Thank you for your reply

Be kind and gentle to yourself. It's a horrible thing to have gone through and there is no wrong way to be at this moment. Get your DH to look after the SS this time and focus on yourself. Don't judge yourself or pile on guilt about feelings you cannot control but do examine them and let them go. If you find you are still struggling after some time has passed then speak to a mental health professional who will give you ways to explore and reframe your feelings. You're doing great.

Totally normal. Miscarriages are emotionally tough, you'd already imagined how you were going to share being a parent with your oh, it's hard to be reminded that he already has that himself.

Be kind to yourself, your feelings are totally justified.

(((gentle hugs))) op, you sound like a nice person.

You are going through a bereavment, look up the stages of bereaveavment so that you can understand the process. Maybe bereavment counselling would help you?

Please be kind to yourself

OP I've been here. Please don't feel guilty. It's so so hard. My step kids weren't the only ones I struggled to be around either, I avoided my friends who were pregnant/had kids etc..

It's nothing personal but it's such an emotive thing it's really hard to get your thoughts into a logical place when going through something like this.

We are human, it's completely normal.

Thank you all! We had him for four days over the weekend and it was so tough, but I tried to speak to my OH about how I was feeling and I didn’t really get involved in anything with them this weekend. I really hope it passes soon as I love our little family and really don’t like feeling this way.