Stepdaughter won’t do as I ask

[meme70]

My 13 year old stepdaughter lives with us she’s been in my life since she was 6 she used to be an angel child on the way she would do as she was asked .
Her mum has some drink and drug issues that’s why SD lives with us but BM is clean atm so SD sees her BM a couple nights a week

The last 10 months has been awful I have 3 daughters 2 live at home one is 24 with a family she’s lives in her own home
I’ve a 15 and a 20 year old who do stuff around the house but they could do more.

SD simply ignores everything I ask her to do now, I do all the washing cooking cleaning shopping gardening diy decorating - her dad isnt the most fairest person to do anything he does the bare minimum but he does wash up do abit washing put the rubbish out.

SD I asked her to hoover last week she said no she will do it tomorrow I said no I’d like it done today as it was needed and the next day she has a thing she goes to she still refused and her dad backed her up.
I have also asked her several times to wash up her lunch box and bottle daily as hygiene she won’t - I ask her to strip her bed off once a week to wash her bedding she still hasn’t and it’s been weeks on end -

I then looked at her text messages from her BM telling SD when she gets to BM house Friday last week SD has to clear and clean the kitchen up even though she’s not been there 5 days- when she got there BM and her husband were eating kfc for dinner and told SD to cook a lasagne and wash up BM mess of a few days before she makes it and SD said yes !!

I’ve done so much for SD more than her BM stepfather and dad so I’m so hurt.
I asked SD why she ignores what I ask her she said as Dad doesn’t disapline me when I don’t BUT she’s just repeated that as her dad said it to her last time

So I’m not sure what’s best to do ?

Should I leave her dad to cook and clean up after her and if she doesn’t do as he asks just keep out of it as I’ve had enough now and I just don’t like the way she ignores my easy simple requests of her my daughters don’t treat me like this none of them have.

You're being taken advantage of by your DH. He has no respect for you...you're like a skivvy round the house.

Stop doing SDs packed lunches. As long as the items are at home, she can do it herself.
Why haven't you stopped doing it, given she is so rude to you?

In the same way you accept this behaviour from DH and SD, because of your upbringing, is the same reason SD takes advantage...it's how she is raised.

If her dad doesn't discipline her, you can make her face the consequences of her behaviour.

If my DD behaved like that, I'd not make her school lunches, I wouldn't anything personally for her, like give her lifts or anything.

It will send a clear message, that even if her dad won't address the issue, you're not enabling or playing ball.

She'll either become respectful or she'll do the stuff herself out of anger.

Your DH sounds pretty useless tbh... He has caused this situation. She's doing what she can get away with...like most kids.

I knew as a kid, I could get away with certain things with my dad...my mum wouldn't have any of it.

If my mum said take that glass away, I did it immediately, no questions. If my dad said it, I'd say okay...I'll do it later. "Do it later" wouldn't be an acceptable response to my mum, we all knew it...so we behaved accordingly.

Your SD is behaving appropriately in the circumstances...not good appropriate...but as you would expect.

Now there are stepmums, who would stand their ground, but you don't...so she has a house she can be slack in and one where she knows she has to step up.

Consequences are really important here.