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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Bringing home a new baby with 2 step children

8 replies

Firsttimemummywilson · 29/01/2020 19:32

Me and my husband are expecting our first baby together and his children aren’t aware yet as I am only 11 weeks but I’m already anxious of how this is going to work. They do not live with us and only stay at weekends but their mum is (no nice way to say this) an absolute nightmare they broke up over a year or so before I even met my partner so there is no reason for her to dislike me so much, I have never even met her even though I have been looking after her children for the past 5+ years and am now married to their dad. But all she has done is say terrible things about me over the years and try and influence the children. I guess I’m just anxious on how this is going to work when the baby is here I keep having nightmares that she tells them to do something to the baby! I know this sounds nuts but this wouldn’t be out of character for their mum they are only 7 and 9 and very needy children and easily influenced. I think they will be so happy with the news but I’m more anxious around how their mum reacts. Anyone else experienced this situation?

OP posts:
Beamur · 29/01/2020 19:38

Yes, but my SC's were older and their Mum is a nice person.
Your SC's won't hurt the baby. It will be their sibling. Take time and care and involve them
My SC's were the first people to visit the new baby in hospital and helped choose her name.
Your SC's may be more needy as this may make them feel insecure, be aware of that and do all you can to help that - deeds as well as words. Like don't suddenly change arrangements or rooms etc..Our SC's visiting was unchanged by DD's arrival for example.
It can work. Our family was better - especially for me, after DD came. We've been very fortunate.

SandyY2K · 31/01/2020 00:42

Older children have been known to hurt younger siblings.

Don't leave your baby unsupervised with them, until you feel safe.

Even though it will be their half sibling, they may not feel so close....it might not be what you want to hear, but children tend to be closer to half siblings from their mum...because they live with them full time and are able develop a sibling bond quicker.

If your relationship with the DC is good, it will probably be fine...they could be very excited....just remember to include them.

stuffedpeppers · 31/01/2020 10:43

The SDCs will be fine, if you and their father prepare them properly, do not exclude them and make them feel wanted.

The mum will be what she is going to be , she was left with a very young baby -6 months ish and a toddler by your partner and you have been in the childs life for 5+ years. The timings of the break up and rapid moving on whilst she struggled with a new baby and a toddler on her own - may have clouded her view on the situation. If your timings are to be believed.

The SDCS are "needy" for a reason

loststarling · 02/02/2020 16:41

@stuffedpeppers, with respect, why is it necessary or supportive to imply that the OP's timings are not to be believed? "Rapid moving on"? OP clearly stated that the new couple didn't even meet until a year later. It's also not stated anywhere that the dad was the one to leave the mum. I just see no grounds at all here to say that.

I say well done accepting and caring for another woman's young children, more so if the woman isn't nice to you! And it's totally normal to feel protective of a new baby. OP, don't worry. my stepkids were horrified when I got pregnant but now adore their sister, even though their mum has had lots of issues about me (calm down mumsnet, she left him). When yours meet the baby they will probably love him or her and if our lot are anything to go by, will be showered with attention for being good older siblings Smile

notanotherjigsawpiece · 02/02/2020 23:13

she was left with a very young baby -6 months ish and a toddler by your partner

Where does it say that in the OP?

Butterflyflower1234 · 04/02/2020 17:06

Firstly OP congratulations on the pregnancy. Sadly I too envisage myself being in your situation.

My DP has three wonderful DC and we plan to have a baby soon. Thankfully the kids are aware of our plans so it won't come as a surprise but it will certainly rock the boat.

I know the DSC Mum will cause issues. However, there's nothing we can do. All we will do is reassure the DC that we love them and try to keep things as normal as possible.

loststarling · 04/02/2020 17:40

I think one key thing to remember is that how people (especially kids) react to a pregnancy isn't always how they will react to the baby.

If you tell the kids / mum (or anyone) and they freak out, they are reacting to whatever their fantasy is. For example my two stepsons assumed we would give the baby their room, and god knows what else, maybe that we would have six babies in a row! Full siblings can freak out just as much. .. but it usually works out once the baby becomes reality, as long as they feel included Wink

OhWellThatsJustGreat · 04/02/2020 17:48

I think you've got some good advice here op, in addition I would get them to help you pick a couple of outfits for the baby.
I like the pp comment about their sdc being the first hospital visitors, that's really sweet and I can imagine they'll treasure knowing they were their first to meet their new baby brother/sister.
If they enjoy silly gifts, maybe get them a "I'm going to be a big sister/brother" top each for when you tell them.
I'd also make sure they know nothing is going to change with their coming to the house etc.

Congratulations on your little one to be!!!

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