My husband is gullible and I feel used

[RH1313]

When I met married my husband our children were in their late teens. Perfect. He moved into my home. My two children finished college and moved out of my home to start their careers and be on their own. They visit often and stay the night on occasion. Great, right?

Next thing, I knew, my husband asked if his son could move in. Yes, I said. But he must get a job and get his own place. He destroyed my home. He tore up in my mint condition home. My husband paid for the fixes and let him know it was unacceptable to do that and he's grown. I love and like my SS, so I forgave him but told him if he tears up anything else he is no longer welcomed He eventually moved out, then moved back, then moved out.

I told my husband that I'm tired. I need my space and I want to keep the house clean. Then, he tells me his daughter wants to move in. I was going to lose it because I just told him I needed space. So, she moves in for six months, it was odd. She barely spoke and avoided me at all costs. She moved back with her mom who lives out of town. We get a minor 6 months break as my SS moves in and out. Then, my husband tells me my SD wants to move with us again for three-months to figure things out. I told him she wanted to stay with us. He assured me she was just taking a break. There months!!! That's a long time to live for free! Sure enough, a few days before it was time for her to leave, she said she wanted to stay. Really? You are grown!!! I would like to have my house alone with my husband. You're welcome to visit, but not stay.
To top things off, I pay 99% of the bills and I'm exhausted with everything and being the nice SM and nice wife. I just want to be able to walk around my home the way I want to without a bunch of grown folks who are now 29 in my house every day using my Internet, water, and electric, and eating all my food.

My husband asked me what should be the plan. I said, get a job and move out in 60 days. He said she doesn't have any money. My response is why did she quit her job and move here broke? He begged and pleaded to give her 1.5 years. Yeah, really! I told him, she must have a full-time job and move out in 4 months. Otherwise, she will pay $425 for the remaining three months with a drop-dead move out date. A total of 7 months max.
Now, he must take her to work and pick her up from work. His son also needs a ride to and from work. His other two sons want to move in now.

I love my husband, SD, and SS, but some days, I feel like selling my house and running for the border! I don't want to rethink my marriage, but I'm frustrated.

Your kids have the measure of this man and his mooch family. He targeted you to loaf and enable his kids to be losers like him. 'if things don't work out'? C'mon, this guy is a weapons grade cocklodger. I'd be furious if some punk and his low life kids were taking advantage of my mother like this.

pre-nups aren't valid in the uk

If you’re going that route also double check what overdraft / joint credit facilities you have with him.
Because any expenditure by him underwritten by you, if he cannot pay, you have to.

So any joint credit cards/ joint accounts with overdraft facilities. Shut them down.

If he wants to go to school and reskill, I actually admire that. And as you have said, before he did this, he was paying a lot of the bills. Partnership is about taking turns in exactly this way.

It’s the fact that he’s not contributing, and then expecting you to subsidise his children that is probably what has a lot of people here up in arms. Especially given you are a single mother and that journey couldn’t have been easy by any means.

You’ve done the hard work and now it should be your time to relax and enjoy the fruits of your labours. Not share your home with grown children who don’t want to adult.

Stop being a mug 🤷🏻‍♀️

You are going to lose a lot if you don’t secure yourself!

pre-nups aren't valid in the uk

She mentioned dollars in her OP, so may be in N. America or the Antipodes.

Surely all of the cock lodgers could get a place together. Neat solution.

I've moved money to unknown accounts to prevent any unauthorized purchases or withdraws. He's a student and you're hiding money from him? If this were the other way round people would be screaming financial abuse.

Good good. You're keeping a whole family (not yours) and they're not contributing in any way. That's appalling.

How come you're not saying no? How come you're not saying to your husband "no, I'm not paying to keep and feed your adult children as well as you". How come you're spending your own kids' inheritance on this bunch of spongers?

I can hardly believe I'm reading this. Did your husband come to you with absolutely no assets? No home, no savings?

Is your DH working or is he retired. Why are you paying 90per cent of bills. If your DH is retired he should pay half from his savings or pension.

Oh OP...

You are paying for yourself and your husband and now his four adult children want you income, your space and your sanity, too.

Time to say no. To all of it.

If you were my mother, I’d be really worried about your quality of life and mental health. You deserve better.

You know what you need to do so do it. The financial support you’re giving a bunch of unrelated grown adults is coming out of your retirement fund and your inheritance for your own children. Why are you doing that?

Their mother doesn’t need to have them, at least one of them is pushing 30 FGS and they need to stand on their own two feet and be independent.

But you know that’s going to happen when you’re paying for everything they need and want and their dad is a free taxi.

What are you going to do?

OP your children aren't so worried about their inheritance, what they are worried about is you. They can see that their mother is being a gullable fool by allowing her new husband and his children to use her.

I finally stood up for myself. I told my husband that he must get a job or get out. I'm not taking care of him when he can work. If he wants to go to school, it's ok, but he has to pull his fair share. He has the skills to get a good job as a former financial manager.
The kids have 2 months to find another place to live. Since he agreed to let them live for free, he will give them the 60-day notice to vacate. No other grown folks can come to live. They can visit for a week, but no longer.

He doesn't want to work, OP. I want to uni and worked, at the same time! It's doable. I seriously doubt he'll take you seriously. He's a professional mooch.

Well done OP. That’s huge. Hope you have a peaceful weekend.

Well done OP

Well done OP.
If they haven’t been working and saving up while living with you, that’s their problem. You have given them every opportunity

Thank you and exactly; it's not my problem. It never was, but I allowed it to be.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Well done. They have all been living off you for too long, especially him. I couldn't love someone with so little self respect and who was willing to take advantage of the person they supposedly love

So has he applied for any jobs and spoken to the kids?

My husband applied for jobs Finance. I've also applied for him as well. He's spoken to the kids as they live here. but things have been awkward since the 60-day notice.

Well of course it’s awkward! You’ve called time on their mooching!

Don’t even think about blinking or backing down.

Don’t let guilt bring you down! They need to move and he needs to contribute.. most of ALL you need to enjoy all that YOU have worked hard for🌷

Well done OP.

Thank you all! I actually feel relieved. I plan to retire at 55; five years. That would not be possible if I continued housing folks for free, including my husband. Now I will enjoy the fruits of my labor.